The Kisses and lifestyles

Higher earning women tend to do more housework

2009-08-25T08:48:00.001-07:00

Women who contribute more to the household finances, as compared to their husbands or partners, tend to do more housework, according to

Higher earning women tend to do more housework

a study.

Led by Janeen Baxter and Belinda Hewitt, of the University of Queensland, the study showed that women contributing 70 per cent or more of the weekly income start doing more housework rather than less.

They put in a little more time cleaning and cooking than a woman who contributes half to the family finances.

The study has shown that as women’s earnings increase compared with their husbands'', they gain more leverage over who does the housework.

"No one wants to do housework but it has to be done. But as a woman earns more money, it gives her more say over how much domestic work she has to do," Theage.com.au quoted Hewitt, as saying.

However, in few Australian households - about 5 per cent - where women contribute 70 per cent or more to the budget, other sensitivities come into play.

"For these women, doing extra housework is about compensating for their husbands not fulfilling the traditional male breadwinner role," said Hewitt.

The research is based on 1306 married and partnered couples drawn from the Household Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia survey.

Casual sex: Feel good factor

2009-08-25T08:45:00.000-07:00

Actress Sherlyn Chopra confessed her need for casual sex as a boost to her self worth. The starlet was quoted as saying she doesn't mind a

Does sex on-the-side give you the much needed kick? (Getty Images)

one-night-stand and if the sex is great, she would feel good about herself.

Aanchal Mehra, a management student agrees, "It's not about being promiscuous, but having sex with a stranger can actually lift your mood. It happened with me once when I was going through a very low phase. I went to a friend's party and hooked up with this guy. We had a blast that night and the next day we parted as friends. I felt desirable and wanted once again, and frankly I felt very happy."

The trend is recent and something that picks up from the frantic pace of urban living. Often hectic schedules and lack of socialising leaves one feeling adrift and sidelined. Thus people draw support in whichever form they can or so observes, psychologist Surendra Mehta, Care clinic, "Casual sex is on the rise because of factors like loneliness, peer pressure, living away from one's home. It happens when there's no faith left in oneself. Think of someone who doesn't have a great job or a fulfilling relationship or lacks friends to bail him/her out in times of crisis. It is then that they fall on measures that they assume can lift their spirits for some time. Sex is more like an addiction just as people tend to eat a lot when depressed."

Women don't get carried away:
Hollywood too swears by the benefits of casual sexual encounters. Leading actress Cameron Diaz for instance recently stated that there isn't a better way to get back in shape than hitting the sack. Studies too have revealed that women are less likely to regret an impromptu fling, if they feel gratified sexually afterwards. Most women don't equate a romp in the sack with a walk down the aisle. Surveys reveal that over 52 per cent believe their most recent casual encounter to be 'just a one-time thing'.

Says actor/anchor Pooja Bedi, "Having sex with someone you don't love doesn't necessarily mean you are committing a grave sin. The best part of today's society is that it is beginning to accept female sexuality. People have various things to lift their spirits, this is one of them, so be it, and it's human after all to crave for touch. And women, just like men want to enjoy their bodies. So there isn't anything wrong in indulging in casual sex as long as you know where to draw the line."

Manish Singh, a software professional, points out, "I think the key is that everyone wants to matter, especially to their sex partners. We have created a world in which we treat sex as a private recreational activity, with no moral or social significance. But when sex is a recreational activity, my partner becomes equivalent to a consumer good. And we all know what we do with consumer goods that cease to satisfy us beyond a point, we get rid of them. In this world of consumer sex, it is socially acceptable to find pleasure with people you don't love. But yes, no one likes to end up feeling used."

Casual sex to reduce boredom
Doctors claim that a session in bed with an unknown face can actually spice up your personal life. Although none would advise it, but the fact remains that it jolts you back out of your boredom and pushes you to being innovative. Says a doctor on condition of anonymity, "I have had patients who find no interest in having sex with their husbands/wives. In fact, they complain of being turned off by the very thought of it. However, a torrid fling outside marriage breathes new life into a sagging relationship with one's spouse. Does it really matter if you get back your stamina and feel good about yourself, even if your spouse was unaware of what went on behind his back?"

A recent study done by the University of Chicago on the sexual lives of adults reveals that housewives bored by their routine look for affairs outside their marriage. In fact, a one-night-stand often reignites the lost spark that may have gotten snuffed out due to marriage and monotony, a la Tabu who played the rebellious wife in the Mahesh Manjrekar's film Astitva.

The real picture
However not all is as hunky dory as you would like to believe. As Mehta puts it, "Sex with no strings attached is

Does sex on-the-side give you the much needed kick? (Getty Images)

a great way to regain your confidence. However, not many people can sustain it. There comes point when you begin to see the worthlessness of the whole enterprise. Despite how much we claim to be liberated, people need a caring relationship all the time. Sex is an act that is over in minutes and cannot ever replace emotions like love and care."

Neerja Tanna (name changed), a journalist, reveals, "I completely believed in casual sex and felt good about it. But there came a point when I began to dread the act. It wasn't the act per se, but the time when it would get over. If the sex wasn't great, it was ok; but when it was exceptionally good, it was difficult to extract myself from that situation. And how do I not look forward to meeting that person again? So in a way I started feeling petrified about having sex with just about anyone."

According to psychologist Suparna Puri, women often get attached while having sex. The hormone Oxytocin or the attachment hormone makes them feel closer to their partner. So she advises, "Be clear about who you want to indulge yourself with". Puri believes it's alright to be daring and adventurous, but warns that the high doesn't last for long. Soon there is a sense of wanting to pull out and starting again.

As Tanna recalls, "I don't believe in casual sex anymore. Because I believe there is more to it than just plain fun. So today I have decided to seek pleasure and adventure in other things. And sex can wait till I get married." Well point taken.

Male Power
In this entire cry about women and sex, it seems men are completely pushed away from the limelight. Could the reason be that sex gets easily associated with men and thus requires not much thought? Says Atul Suri,a consultant with an MNC, "A general conception is that men are more interested in sex. However, I think nowadays women are also free spirited while men are becoming conservative. I can indulge in sexual activities with anyone, but I don't want to. My friends of course do, but I think their outlook is changing as well. Today a guy wants to be just a one-woman-man, both physically and mentally."

Explains Puri, "For men it is no longer about sex and affairs. Men today concentrate on developing healthy relationships with the opposite sex. That could also arise from the fact that they are aware that the society is open to men having casual sex, so it isn't a big deal. However for women to do the same there is the pleasure of breaking barriers and also a sense of power. So it's more of women wanting to try out new things and explore areas so far a taboo to them."

The balance though is heavily tilted towards women. And though the freedom of body is a heady feeling, yet there are certain precautions to be kept in mind:

1. Get yourself checked for AIDS and STD frequently if you are indulging in casual sex.

2. Always, always use a condom or other precautions while having sex.

3. Having a one-night-stand is okay as long as you are consciously aware of what you are doing. You don't want to fall into the wrong hands and get beaten up.

4. Steer clear of strangers who you think come across as "weird". It is better to follow your gut than being sorry later.

5. If you are someone who gets carried away emotionally, then such affairs are definitely not for you.

6. Men take heed and check the background of the person you are going out with. You could easily be led to drugs if you don't watch out.

7. If you feel any kind of discomfort physically after an intercourse, see a doctor immediately.

8. Visit a psychiatrist if you think you are going through an emotional vacuum and need help.

9. Speak to friends, family and close ones if you think your loneliness is the reason for you to hunt partners.

10. Believe in love and care because nothing works better than these.

‘Teen-proof’ room cuts out the clutter

2009-08-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

The days of teenagers' messy bedrooms may finally be over, courtesy an Edinburgh-based company, which has designed a room they

‘Teen-proof’ room cuts out the clutter

can’t ruin.

Design firm IDP claims to have created the ‘teen-proof’ bedroom, which provides solution for the cluttered spaces that have enraged parents for decades, reports the Scotsman.

It features drawing pin friendly fabric wallpaper; a wipe-clean desk; a swivel chair with secret pockets for stashing chocolate and electronic gizmos; stain-resistant carpets; and enough space under the bed to hide a mountain of clothes and computer games and still leave room for a set of iPod speakers.

Gilly Corkery of IDP said: "It was an incredibly challenging project. How do you counteract the natural messiness of teenagers?"

The room includes shelves tailored to the size of CDs, along with compartments in the bed space so that electronic equipment such as stereos or PlayStations can be plugged in – great for easy access when the teens are still lounging in bed at noon.

The room will be exhibited at the Homes & Interiors Scotland Exhibition at the SECC in Glasgow next weekend.

The design firm is keeping some details a closely guarded secret – just releasing a rough sketch of a suspiciously tidy-looking room and a sample of some dog-themed furniture decor.

Corkery, who modelled the design on the taste and habits of her son Jamie, 12, said: "We've tried to do little quirky things that teenagers will think are quite cool," says

"No self-respecting teenager wants to move for too long so we’ve designed a desk chair which has a pocket where they can keep a remote control, their iPod, pens, chocolate or whatever, without having to move.

“Then there’s the upholstery fabric on the walls, which means they can put posters up with drawing pins without leaving a mark," Corkery added.

Make fantasy sharing more exciting

2009-08-24T09:29:00.000-07:00

With sexual fantasies giving a much-needed kick to your sex life, it’s a common practice for couples to harbour these desires. But when it comes

Make fantasy sharing more exciting

to sharing them with their respective partners, a lot of couples feel apprehensive about baring their soul.

Naughty or child-like, wild or porn-inspired, simple or out-of-the-box, the innate nature of sexual fantasies varies for different couples. But unless you share them with your lover, it’s futile to expect that they can bring changes to your sexual paradise. Couples also need to realise that there’s nothing wrong in harbouring a sexual fantasy as it’s absolutely normal.

Gitanjali Sharma, a relationship counselor explains, “You can directly communicate to your partner about what’s on your mind on a particular night. But your fantasy is not attached here. So an appropriate way to make fantasy sharing creative is to give small hints, signals and signs for your lover to catch. This way you would neither feel shy nor will it appear that you are directly asking for something. At the same time, an atmosphere will be created and your message will be conveyed. Consequently, your partner would be aroused too.”

Partners who feel shy expressing their sexual desires might not get the desired pleasure in bed. So it’s important to exchange these sexual talks with your partner and make it a normal feature of your relationship.

Giranjali further adds, “While sharing or expressing your sexual fantasies, do not send out the message that it’s your need and your partner has to perform them like an obligatory duty. Make an effort to arouse the same desire in them as well, so that both of you will be at same wavelength while performing the act, which is more pleasurable.’

Shedding all inhibitions and making fantasy sharing a simpler task in a relationship, we suggest some easy ways out to open up with your partner...

A recorded tape can say it all : You would have seen this in Bollywood flicks, but a romantic message recorded in your voice can hit your partner’s moan zones the way you want it to. If you feel shy narrating your fantasy in front of your partner, just record it and as soon you proceed towards the bedroom for an intimate session, play the tape and let the passion be felt like never before.

Expert tip : Dr. Anupam Randhawa, a clinical psychologist says, “It’s a great experience to listen to your mate’s voice and when the message being heard is sexual in nature, it’s an icing on the cake. But make sure that while recording, you don’t end up with a long message because it may not sustain your partner’s interest. So, keep it short, spicy and say exactly what you feel.”

Nothing beats the visual medium : Actions can say a lot more than what you think. So make the most of them. If you’re hesitant in communicating your sexual fancies, just seek help from a visual medium. Either pick certain scenes from a movie or let the not-so-realistic porn convey your desires to your partner.

Expert tip : Dr. Amita Mishra, sex and relationship expert shares, “It’s evident that watching erotic videos can give a much desired push to your sexual senses and leave you craving for more. Sharing your sexual fantasy through a visual medium adds more joy to you lovemaking session. You can even perform the act while the video is being played simultaneously to make it more stimulating.”

Aphrodisiacs are in : You might have been cooking dishes that your beau loves, but if you wish to derive benefit out if it, think beyond! Use a lot of strawberries, cherries, kiwi, cream, nuts, red jellies and mango slices to tempt your partner and throw hints that you are charged up for a steamy romp.

Expert tip : Dr. Medha Sharma, a relationship counselor opines, “Whenever you step out of the closet and are creative, it will always add to your sexual bliss. Let the ingredients and the flavour of the dish highlight your sexual desires and then it’s for your partner to figure out that you’re looking forward to a night of passion.”

Say it in bits and pieces : For individuals who aren’t extroverted by nature, it might appear to be a tough task to say everything about their sexual desires at once. So try dividing the entire episode into small parts and let the messages be conveyed to your partner after short intervals throughout the day.

Expert tip : “As you continue sharing tiny features about your sexual fantasy with your partner throughout the day, it will also act as an add-on to their mood. As they sum up all the messages, they will have a clear understanding as to what you expect from them, thus guaranteeing a gratifying act,” feels Dr. Randhawa.

Let your gestures do the talking : Remember that your body language can reveal a lot about you, which you may not put across in words. At least when it comes to letting your partner learn your fantasies, this is the ultimate weapon, where your body says much about what you expect in bed.

Expert tip : “Passing sexual hints is an effective medium to communicate what’s running through your mind. Make sure that you are articulate enough in your moves to make your partner understands and catches the right signals,’ suggests Dr. Amita.

A written letter below the pillow : The idea may seem conventional, but if your sex life is going through a rough patch, it may be a blessing in disguise. When nothing else seems to be working, the best way to converse with your partner is through written words. And not to forget, you can be over-expressive too while penning down your sexual desires.

Expert tip : “Love notes with naughty messages and your sexual fantasy written down in detail can serve the purpose. Though saying it verbally casts a different impact altogether, but if you play well with your words or try being a bit poetic in approach, it can certainly bring ultimate pleasure,” states Dr. Medha.

Try new combinations, be creative in life

2009-08-20T07:42:00.000-07:00

A young boy left his home in search of truth. He met many people; he became richer in awareness of

Try new combinations, be creative in life (Getty Images)

his ignorance.

Since people went to forests to meditate, he too went to a thick forest. He did not know how to meditate. So he screamed at the forest to give him knowledge. For years his only mantra was screaming at the forest to give him knowledge. He believed that if you are committed, existence will help you.

One day, a monk came to him. He asked: "What do you want, my son?" "I want to know what the meaning of life is," he replied. "Go to the town. The first three persons that you meet will give you the meaning of life," the monk replied.

The boy went to the town. The first man he met was doing carpentry work. The next man he met was doing sheet metal work. The third man he met was making strings. Disappointed, he sat on the bank of a river. Suddenly, he heard the sweet strains of violin music. Something mysterious touched him. He suddenly got the answer he was looking for and he started dancing.

The carpenter was preparing the wood for the violin. The sheet metal worker was preparing metal for the strings and the strings were meant for the violin. Life has everything; all you need is to be able to connect the dots. You need to work out new combinations. And for that you need creative perception.

Life has all the ingredients. Be creative. Don't let yourself feel victimised. You might think that what is easy is beautiful, that what is easy is joy. You are a victim of such illusions. Difficulty has such a joy. Discovery has such a joy. Seeking out has such a joy.

You have to change the notion that difficulty is pain. In exercise, there is difficulty but also joy. In sports, there is difficulty but there is joy. In your relationships, when there is difficulty, treat it as joy. Just reprogramme your mind.

In prayer you don't have to do anything; just be available to God's grace. Prayer is a deep readiness to receive God's flow. It is passive alertness. Go deep and you discover your original mind... it is deep passiveness. A greedy mind is richer than a Buddha, but rich with desires and greed; so a Buddha is 'poorer' than you are. The Bible says: "Blessed are the poor for theirs is the kingdom of God."

When someone asked Buddha what he attained through his enlightenment, he said: "I did not gain but I lost. I lost my ignorance, my dreams, my dogmas, my likes and dislikes, my ambitions."

You can live in two ways ^ mechanical or meditative. The meditative way involves you being more aware; that awareness is passive alertness. When you are passively alert, you will realise that you are born free; you are not condemned to be not free. You have choices and that is your freedom. When there is no freedom there are no choices.

Be more meditative and you will make the right choices that will make you grow rather than feel trapped. Substance abuse is a bad choice. This is a mechanical way of living. But the choice is before you.

If you choose wisely you are in paradise. When you are eating, meditatively eat. Then eating will be a paradise. Totally be in your eating. When you take a bath, be total in taking your bath and a different paradise opens up. Next, bring in love energy into whatever you do... feel your inner being.

With the energy of silence, be total. You realise that you will be a moving heaven rather than a moving hell.

Sex-exercises to keep you fit

2009-04-06T09:30:00.000-07:00

While it may seem hard to take out time to hit the gym for a workout session, very few people know that indulging in a sweat-inducing sex

Its official: Sex is the best exercise (Getty Images)

session is equally beneficial.

It not only helps burning extra calories, but also allows couples to perform routine exercises and also enjoy sexual pleasure. What else can couples ask for!

Dr. Basheer Ahmad Roy, a Bangalore-based sex specialist states, “Almost all muscles including the legs, thighs, arms, shoulders and lower abdomen are worked upon during a sexual interaction. Anything that is done for the body should be done for at least 15 minutes and a sex session may not stretch for this long. So couples need to pay extra attention that if they wish to derive additional health benefits from sexual positions, they need to prolong sexual activity right from foreplay to the climax state.”

Apart from the fact that sex brings relief from headaches, reduces depression and tranquilises the mind, leads to glowing hair and skin etc, it’s also true that many sexual positions double up as easy workouts.

Dr. Shivi Jaggi, a Delhi-based sexologist asserts, “Sex helps burning a lot of calories. Different positions in which partners participate as per their comfort level lead to a fit body. A few complex positions that require more of physical strength and involve more work lead to weight-loss and exercising of muscles. Intensity of movements and duration of sex make a lot of difference.

Here are some lovemaking positions, which will let you stretch the most important muscle groups in your body...

Missionary position (Man on top)
In the Indian context, more than 90 per cent of couples indulge in the missionary position in bed, which seems to be quite gratifying for them. As the act involves weight balancing, it obviously has a number of physical benefits. The missionary position is all about stretching, arching and tightening. While the male partner is on top, the female laying on her back can also stretch her back, arch and tighten the abs. In addition, she can also try tightening the kegel muscles right during the act.

Dr. Jaggi elucidates, “The partner on top gets more involved in the physical activity. With a male partner on top, a lot of pressure is borne by his arms and shoulders. Besides, elbows and knees are used to the maximum while balancing in such a position; hence it stretches the muscles in both these body parts. In addition, thigh muscles are also worked upon during the missionary position, as you are almost on your knees during the act.”

Woman on top
It is said that women can orgasm quickly while on top. Yet there is an evident reluctance among Indian women to try this position in bed. But having a female partner taking the lead is a very good exercise. It allows both partners to enjoy an equal participation, where the woman uses her hands and arms to prop up and down, and the male partner is holding the woman thus balancing her body weight.

Dr. Jaggi shares, “With the woman on the top, the weight would normally be borne by the male partner. Women being the physically weaker counterpart during sex, you cannot expect them to hold on to their body mass completely. So again it’s more of exercise for the men, where they use their biceps’ muscles to hold their female partner. For a female too, just to maintain the position for a longer duration, she is stretching her biceps, triceps, forearms and chest muscles to the fullest.”

Sitting missionary (Face to face)
Yet another creative sexual position, it involves couples facing each either on a sofa, bed or the

Its official: Sex is the best exercise (Getty Images)

floor. The position also lets you flex your toes forward, which is a good way to stretch your calf muscles. Since both partners are sitting throughout the act, certain muscles, which are worked upon heavily, have to be stable and strong to ensure a gratifying act.

Dr. Pushkar Gupta, a Chandigarh-based sex therapist explains, “Sitting missionary involves more physical work as compared to the missionary position where a couple is lying down. As the position requires both partners sitting straight facing each other, with the female partner wrapping her legs around a man’s hips, her back muscles are highly involved. Also to get the right posture, you end up putting a lot of strain on your spinal muscles, thigh muscles and lower back, which in a way is a good stretching exercise. Retaining the same position and trying different moves and lifts, your lower abdomen is also worked upon. Be cautious if you have a weak back, as excessive stretching may give you cramps and hurt you.”

Against the wall
Having sex against a wall – either in the washroom or a store room can be fun at times. Not only the standing posture would bring enhanced pleasure, but it would also allow you enjoy a workout session while you indulge in a sex romp. During this position, the quads (front top leg) and lower back are exercised. Also, as the male leans slightly forward, the female can arch her back thus indulging in a perfect exercise.

Dr. Gupta asserts, “Having sex standing against a wall is usually meant for couples who are physically stable. Since you are doing the act standing throughout, it needs that physical stamina to carry on for a longer time period. Then height also plays an important role in this stance, as in accordance to that only, you will decide the angle in which you need to bend and stretch your thighs and legs. In such a sexual position, another very good exercise could be lifting your female partner and nothing can be better than enjoying the pleasure and burning some calories alongside.”

Legs on shoulders
Such an act is not only a sex position but also a great form of foreplay. As it requites the female partner to be physically charged up and creative in bed, let’s not forget how beneficial this act is for the body muscles. Having a female raising her legs to reach a man’s shoulder is a perfect way to arouse him and at the same time it allows the female to stretch her leg muscles and tone her abs in the process.

Dr. Jaggi agrees, “It’s a very wonderful aerobic exercise, especially done by females using her flexible body. Though it may look like yet another foreplay act trying to turn on your partner, but it turns out to be a great workout where you can fully stretch your leg muscles. Whatever you get out of a 30 minute long cycling session while gymming, this sex posture can bring you almost equal, if not better, results.”

Crouching and bending
Try a prolonged foreplay with acts like sitting, bending and crouching, in addition to regular sex positions. This will surely be more advantageous when it comes to a physical workout.

Dr. Gupta says, “Very common but lesser tried sex position, bending and crouching demands a lot of bends and curves, so the spinal muscles are exercised here. Also, the inner thigh muscles get a lot of exercise as you bend. While sitting or bending, you end up putting pressure on your abdominal area as well, which can help you get into shape. In case of a lower back ache, avoid this position, as it may worsen the pain further.”

Sex it up at the gym

2009-04-05T11:03:00.000-07:00

If you are among the ones who pay an annual membership fee at the local gym, but visit it only a handful of times, this should motivate you.

Being fit and healthy benefits all areas of your life – including sex.

Those cardio and weight-training sessions can add that much-needed (or aspired) zing between the sheets.

IMPROVES TESTOSTERONE LEVELS
Research has shown that regular exercise, especially squats and lunges, boost the testosterone level in the body. Since the hormone plays a key role in one’s libido and performance, a boost there equals great sex.

MAKES YOU LOOK ATTRACTIVE
A toned physique is undoubtedly the most potent turn-on for your partner. It makes you more desirable to your partner and starts the fire burning. It’s been observed that those who maintain a toned physique have a better perception of themselves which leads to higher confidence levels and helps in a better sex life.

IMPROVES STAMINA
A man who indulges in enough cardio-vascular exercises stands better chances of satisfying his partner. Regular cardio builds the body’s overall stamina, which means you last longer in bed. Cardio requires withstanding the pressure for a longer duration with a sustained and justified distribution over the workout’s time span. This conditioning of the body helps men last longer and preferably let the women achieve orgasm before them. This helps because while men reach climax only once during the lovemaking, a women can do so multiple times.

On the other hand, the women who indulge in weight-training achieve an orgasm much faster, as the aggression it induces makes patience take the back seat – which is why it is advisable for them.

BEATS LIBIDO KILLERS
Stress is one of the biggest reasons for a dissatisfactory bedroom experience as it leads to many problems, right from reduced stamina to simply not being in mood. Regular exercise is one of the biggest stress busters for most people and lower stress levels means a healthier and a far more exciting sex life.

APHRODISIACS IN YOUR DIET
A healthy and well-balanced diet is one of the most important aspects of achieving fitness. After you work-out, your body craves nutrition. For building muscle and repairing the damage, you need a diet high on zinc and proteins. Eat your way to a great sex life with a diet rich in asparagus, onions, garlic and bananas.

MATTER OF POSITION
To experiment, keep that flab in check for the extra inches may restrict your urge to experiment in bed.

Now, make your sex life 'greener'

2009-03-22T10:35:00.000-07:00

After eco-friendly bulbs and cars, wondering what more you can do to help the planet? Well, go green between

the sheets.

Intimacy in the bedroom is not only healthy for your relationship but it can be good for the environment, too, if you use the following tips, reports Fox News.

Here are 8 ways to make your sex life a little more eco-friendly:

Eco-lingerie: Slippery and stylish, eco-undies and other fine undergarments are now made of hemp silk, organic cotton, bamboo, and other renewable fibers.

Bamboo sheets: Make over your bed with silky bamboo fabric. These eco-friendly, luxury sheets come from a renewable source and are usually grown without pesticides and harsh chemicals.

Sustainable wooden paddles: Coco de Mer makes top of the line sustainable wooden paddles complimented with fair-trade leather wrist cuffs.

Local flowers: Try to use locally grown or seasonal flowers when wooing your lover. They're right there and don't require using as many fossil fuels by coming from miles away.

Organic wine: When wining and dining each other, go for wines made from certified organically grown grapes. These are grown without any chemical fertilizers, insecticides, weed killers and other synthetic chemicals.

Organic lubricants, vibrators: Companies are starting to make lubricants free of parabens and petro-chemicals, like Babeland Naturals Organic Lube. Sex toy industry has also started to make vibrators out of elastomer, a latex-free material that doesn't contain phthalate - which can cause birth defects.

Environmentally friendly condoms: Consider using the sheepskin condom, for it is biodegradable.

Women we love to hate

2009-03-07T09:42:00.000-08:00

By Vaibhav Choudhary

Women’s Day is here. As celebrity women take centrestage for bouquets and brickbats, we present you a pick of women “we love to hate”.

Rakhi Sawant: The drama queen

As India’s top drama queen, Rakhi Sawant is completely unapologetic, whether it’s for her bindaas attitude or her revealing dresses. She’s often the butt of jokes for her lack of education and being loud, boisterous and inability to speak fluent English.

It is often believed that she’s invited to talk shows in a tacit pact between the host and the audience to mock. But whatever the reason, she is one celeb that women, and men, love to hate!

Aishwarya Rai: Plastic beauty
Ashwarya, tagged a plastic beauty, has been the object of women’s envy. SRK fans have a thing against her ever since she refused to work with him after the Chalte Chalte fiasco. But, that’s just the beginning. Salman's fans hate her for leaving the hunk and moving on in life.

Vivek's fan have a similar grouse… of moving on even as kept her lips sealed on the relationship. Rani’s fans too haven’t forgiven her for marrying Abhishek and breaking up the next Amitabh-Jaya jodi. Salma’s current flavour Katrina's fans would also rather prop up their own favourite than Ash. Kareena's fans also haven’t forgotten that her hubby was all set to marry Karisma didi. Enough said?!

Love lessons from your man

2009-03-02T08:58:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered why your man doesn’t bat an eyelid when you spot him with a cute lass at a pub? Or why he doesn’t go into the intricate

Find a 'love guru' in your own beau and read to know some valuable love lessons you can learn from him... (Getty Images)

details about your relationship? Just because he doesn’t react the way you expected him to, does that mean he doesn’t love you enough?

Well, before you begin to draw conclusions and get overtly nostalgic about how things were when you first met and how much he has changed since then, let’s admit that there is a lot you can learn from men when it comes to relationships. So, find a ‘love guru’ in your own beau and read to know some valuable love lessons you can learn from him...

Don’t try too hard
One mistake that most women make in relationships is to give more than the relationship requires – sometimes to an extent that the partner begins to feel choked and suffocated. So, while it’s important to put in your best effort into the relationship, it’s also important not to over do things. So, if your partner has been taking you for granted, just remember to follow the three rules – don’t nag, don’t demand, don’t expect.

Nandini Jha (name changed on request), 26, who works with a multi-national company in Noida says, “I always try to pamper my husband even with small gestures or gifts, but it really irritates me when he doesn’t reply to my messages. He goes out with his colleagues to a party while I keep waiting for him to return at home. I have often tried discussing it with him, but whenever I take the initiative to put forward my concerns, he gets annoyed and says that I keep nagging him for silly reasons.”

Expert speaks: Manmeet Bhalla, a marriage and relationship counsellor suggests, “Being in a relationship does not imply losing your individuality. It’s important to do things that stimulate and revitalise you while being in a relationship. Being too dependent or too independent is not healthy. It’s important to strike a balance between the two.”

If it doesn’t work, let it go
Have you ever asked yourself, why you are in your current relationship? Why did you choose to be with the man you love? Yes! You guessed it right – to be happy! So if your relationship is not giving you the pleasure it should, let it go! The next time if you find it impossible to understand how your man can call it quits and get over it easily (while you shed buckets of tears), learn a lesson from him instead of playing the blame game.

Ajit Khurana (name changed on request), 32, manager in a private bank in Delhi confesses, “My relationship with my wife is going through a very rough patch. We have arguments over petty issues and our sex life is not stimulating either. I have been wanting to file for a divorce, but she and her family are not letting me do so. I am feeling helpless, but I cannot continue with this relationship.”

Expert speaks: “I often get calls from women who keep cribbing about how difficult it is to get along with their partners. They are tormenting themselves only in an effort to make the relationship work at all costs. But many a times, by doing so, you are only stressing yourself and making things worse. Let go of a relationship that's not working and move ahead,” adds Manmeet.

Discover the wild ‘you’
If we can learn anything from men, it is to be get wild and experimental in bed. So, if you are used to sitting back and having all the fun, it’s time to get adventurous. Try stepping into his shoes and do all that you want him to do for you. If you like to share the day's tales, household chores or goof-ups at your workplace or in bed, may be you need to zip your lip, concentrate on the act and let your hands do the talking.

Akash Joshi (name changed on request), 27, who got married a year ago says, “I just love it when my wife makes the first move in bed. It’s a great turn on. She is always willing to experiment and always participates in foreplay. We share our fantasies and desires and it goes a long way in keeping up the spark in our relationship.”

Expert speaks: Sunil Garg, an expert on sex-related issues says, “Sexual compatibility is as important as emotional compatibility. If one partner has a stronger sex drive than the other, it is bound to create differences. So, it is imperative to find different ways and occasions to bond with your partner – both emotionally and physically for a healthy relationship to function.”

Stop obsessing over your body!
A hairy chest, love handles or thunder things, nothing makes men feel less confident between the

Find a 'love guru' in your own beau and read to know some valuable love lessons you can learn from him... (Getty Images)

sheets. So, why do women have to worry or get embarrassed about their belly fat, stretch marks and flabby arms? Often, it’s women who are more conscious about how they look, while men are pre-occupied with gaining and giving pleasure. So, stop obsessing about how you look and focus on having a good time. Prakhar Mehta (name changed on request), 29, an advertising professional relates, “What turns me off the most is when my wife is overtly conscious about having sex with the lights on. I just hate doing it in the dark, but she feels conscious about her looks and her belly fat. It really spoils the fun of love-making.”

Expert speaks: Archana Nanda, a psychologist explains, “Women tend to be more obsessed about the right look and right gestures in bed. Even the slightest flaw in their appearance is enough to take their attention away from love-making. For perfect bonding between a couple, it is important to appreciate each other as you are.”

Ask for what you want
Women often assume that their men know their mind. Men, on the other hand, keep wondering what is it that women want from them. So, take a cue from men where it comes to getting more expressive in bed. Don’t presume he knows what’s on your mind just because he loves you. Give him a helping hand to send the right signals. Palash Bajaj (name changed on request) , 28, a media professional says, “My wife expects me to know exactly what is going on in her mind. She expects me to understand that she is not in the mood to have sex. But how am I supposed to know unless she tells me? I am not a mind reader!”

Expert speaks: “Recently, a newly married girl rang me up and complained about her unsatisfying sex life. On asking her whether she shared her concerns with her partner, she said, ‘He is my husband, he should know what turns me on’. Such assumptions often create misunderstandings between couples. Hence, it is important to voice your likes and dislikes instead of expecting your partner to understand.”

Learn to love yourself
Do you remember your man complaining for not spending quality time with him? Does he ever feel guilty for not asking you to accompany him to a bachelors’ party? So, why do you feel sorry for not giving him enough attention when you drop a date to go shopping with your gal pals? Just because you are committed doesn’t mean that you forget the need for ‘me-time’. That’s another important love lesson from men – learn to love yourself as much as you love your partner. Urvashi Singh, 23, a management student says, “It’s actually strange that most men never complain even if you don’t spend enough quality time with them, whereas I always find myself arguing with my boyfriend for the same reasons. I get annoyed if he cancels a date to watch a movie with his guy friends or doesn’t take my calls. I do feel jealous, to be honest.”

Expert speaks: Gayatri Mishra, a relationship counselor suggests, “When into a relationship, women tend to confine themselves to their partner. But when you do so, it is likely for you to ignore the need for ‘me-time’ which is equally important. So, one should remember to spend time with friends and family and not be completely dependent on your partner to fulfill all your emotional needs.”

Check out the ‘cute guys’
Whether you are dating, engaged, married or trying to get over a painful heart break, it’s absolutely fine to admire the cute guy in your office or the hot hunk who lives in your neighbourhood. Just because you are into a committed relationship, gives you no reason to feel guilty about sharing a flirtatious glance with the guy next door. Don’t rule out the ‘fun quotient’ in your life just only because you are into a relationship.

Tanisha Goyal, 26, who works at a telecom company in Delhi relates, “I have been dating a man for the last three years. Ever since I have been into this relationship, I don’t remember flirting with other men. If I ever get attracted to any other guy, I feel guilty and as if I am cheating my boyfriend by doing so.”

Expert speaks: “There is nothing wrong with casual flirting. Sometimes, adding a fun element in your life can help you keep the romance alive in your relationship. There is no need to restrict yourself or feel guilty as long as you know your limits,” adds Gayatri.

Living with a sex-addict?

2009-02-26T07:24:00.000-08:00

When Simran started dating Rohit, she found him to be an aggressive, but a fun-to-be with lover who did everything to rock her sex life in bed.

Is she addicted to sex? (Getty Images)

But by the time they ought to speculate marriage, she realised that he wasn't a normal man with normal sexual desires.

Rather, he was a sex-addict, whose wild sex etiquettes and voracious hunger for physical intimacy was having a negative impact on their life together. Failing to cope up with his overtly insatiable sex drive, known to the world as ‘Satyriasis’ or ‘Don Juanism’, Simran had no option but to part ways with her beau.

Even for males, there's a chance that you maybe hooked to a 'nymphomaniac', who appears as - 'a loving girl for you' in the beginning. But by the time her 'sex-kitten' avatar comes to the fore it's already too late to pull up your socks. Dr. Sameer Parikh, a psychologist, defines sex addiction as a situation, "When having sex is seen as one's sole priority, leading to a neglect of the other important facets of life (e.g., working, socializing, and sleeping), an addiction or compulsion to sex. Sexual addiction and compulsivity include, any sexual behaviour which is "had" or done in an obsessive, uncontrollable, and/or irrational way that becomes self-destructive. People with this diagnosis feel, and indeed may have, little or no control over sex, and are required to go through psychological therapies and medication in some cases."

So, before you get into involved with a sex maniac, here are a few cues to help you know if you are clinging onto a sex addict or a nymphomaniac. However, remember that these are just cues and not a yardstick to make or mar your relationship.

He's a sex-addict if ...
1. Normal lovemaking session? Not for him!
He usually complains about the lack of variety in his sex life with you. Normal love making sessions never satisfy him as he demands hard core porn-star type moves and grinds. He finds bliss in numbers, be it the number of abnormal sex-positions or the number of times he wants to climax in a single night...all hinting towards his out-of-control sexual problem.

2. He's leading a double life
Do you doubt he's having a liaison with someone else only to seek sexual gratification? Do you feel cheated in his company? Does he hide his 'self-help' acts from you, only because he is going overboard with them? And despite repeatedly telling him, he simply can't control his sexual urges.

3. He constantly digs into sexual stuff
No, we are not talking about men who take pleasure in watching occasional porn or reading sex write-ups and looking at photographs, but a man who is pre-occupied with X-rated stuff even at times and places where it's strictly avoidable. It's only X-rated movies that he is interested in most of the times. If his browser history reveals out and out porn sites in chronological order and his mail box is filled with invitations from adult dating sites ...you have all the reasons to watch out for.

4. Sex on his mind!
In his diehard pursuit of sex or romantic relationships, he is neglecting his social, professional and spiritual responsibilities and development. Even the extreme fear of being inflicted by STDs is no hurdle in his sexual escapades...then you should know he's an addict.

5. He's a runaway guy!
Does he usually try to get away from you after having sex? When he desires, he wants a roller-coaster session but soon after it's over, he's filled with guilt of getting physically close to you. This sense of withdrawal is due to his awareness about the compulsive craving for sex which he fails to curb.

6. Legal troubles? Who cares!
You caught him talking over the phone in an indecent (sexually explicit) manner with someone. You get to know of some legal allegations against him for anything - ranging from having a romp at an illegal place or with someone like a prostitute or a minor. You might even find him engaging in offensive activities like voyeurism or exhibitionism. If even the prospects of getting into legal trouble fail to stop him from exercising his sexual prowess, you should be aware that you are living with an addict!

7. He's getting cynical by the day
Together with the above mentioned clues, if you find your guy living with intense negative feelings of guilt, shamefulness and remorse, the extent of being suicidal, it's only because he can't stop himself from doing what he knows is wrong not just for him but also for his loved ones.

Signs of a perfect sex partner

2009-02-24T08:07:00.000-08:00

"Do I have a perfect sex partner?" If not, how can I get one? Indeed a million dollar question that hovers in the minds of

most couples!

Though it might be hard to find an absolute sexually compatible partner, but most couples don't even know the traits that they or their better half should posses to be a perfect sex partner.

Having an outstanding sex partner takes a huge burden off an individual's mind. It allows them concentrate more on the act, instead of thinking too much about whether they're making love to the right person or not. When it comes to a perfect sex partner, attributes like height, weight, age, behaviour, choices etc take a backseat. What matters is that he/she suits you and shares an amazing chemistry in the bedroom.

Dr. Kirti Mishra, a clinical physiologist and a relationship expert elucidates, "The idea of a perfect sex partner varies for different individuals, but some common traits like sexually active, experimental in bed, hygienically sound etc are a must, as they are the key for finding sexual bliss. Most couples today are working on their personal attributes to match their partner's prerequisites and thus become a perfect sex partner."

Apart from good looks, a hot body and a heady sex drive, let's explore the less superficial elements of what makes a perfect sex partner. And if your partner bears these qualities in bed, you can unquestionably boast of having a great sex partner...

1. Hygiene holds the key
Everyone likes making love to a clean and tidy partner, so good hygiene holds great importance in a sexual relationship. Ensure that your partner is well manicured with a fully waxed body to ensure a higher comfort level. Too much hair on body makes it uncomfortable to enjoy each inch of your lover. So look out for a soft and clean skin in your partner complemented with a nice smell, as a bad body odour is a huge turn-off.

Hot tip : "During sexual intimacy, everyone wants a hygienically fit partner, as this not only enhances the comfort level, but lets you enjoy the act more. So make sure you seem as fresh as if you have just stepped out of the shower before getting into bed. Sexual scents and aphrodisiacal fragrances are a good choice," recommends Dr. Devesh Roy, a sex therapist.

2. Oral sex shouldn't be an issue
You know what pleases you, so a wonderful partner to have in bed is one who doesn't hesitate going out of the way to give you that pleasure. If not routinely, your partner should be ready to please you orally as per their own mood and comfort level. While no one is perfectly adept at the oral act, but a partner who tries learning the little tricks to arouse you can surely add magic to your love life.

Hot tip : "Don't wait for your partner to tell you or give hints each time they feel like experiencing oral pleasure, instead make it a part of the love making act. It is quite safe and enjoyable as the actual act, so don't be unwilling to go for it," states Dr. Deepak Gupta, a sex expert.

3. Be an adventure lover
Intimacy and passion gets killed if you have a boring partner, who is having sex for the sake of it. Ensure

Having an outstanding sex partner takes a huge burden off an individual's mind. (Getty Images)

that he/she makes every effort to heighten the sensation by exploring their adventurous side. Having a partner who is open to trying new sexual pleasures is a definite bonus. Right from participating in dirty talks, taking chocolate baths with you, trying out new positions to indulging in naughty love games, he/she should be keen to try sex escapades that make them a perfect bedroom partner.

Hot tip : "Like a weekend getaway gives you a much needed break, sex also can become monotonous after a sluggish period. To liven it up, you need to think out-of-the-box and try all kinds of sexual adventures that ensure a gratifying experience," shares Dr. Kirti.

4. A sexy shape can do wonders
Though weighty issues shouldn't come in way of your sexual pleasure, yet it's natural to look for a partner sans love handles or a bulging belly as an overweight partner can mar your sexual life. Being in top shape gives your body greater flexibility and accentuates your bedroom performance. If seeing your partner semi-naked makes you feel irresistible and you can't think of anything except sex, what else you can ask for!

Hot tip : "Good body shape is always welcomed and what adds to your sex appeal is an appropriate dressing sense with which you can underline your positive features and gear up for a hot bedroom romp. To be a perfect partner in bed, try shedding the accumulated fat on your belly or butt area to boost your performance," suggests Dr. Roy.

5. Propose newer things
It's excellent to take charge in bed sans any inhibitions. But what makes sex even more special is to bring new-fangled sex ideas and implement them. A vivid imagination and voracious desires can contribute to healthy sexuality. With an avid sex lover who is willing to try arousing positions in bed, use sex toys, suggest new ways to climax, explore alternate seduction techniques and foreplay acts, the sex romp can be one of its kind.

Hot tip : "Being innovative is good, but it is of no use if you confine this sexual knowledge just to yourself. Hence, be more forthcoming in your approach and propose new ways to improve your bedroom pleasure and perform actively," advices Dr. Kirti.

6. Fantasy sharing does magic
Communication holds the key to sexual pleasure, so a partner who is keen to discuss their wildest dreams and desires in bed can make sex a heavenly act. No partner can be tagged as sexually perfect until they are open about discussing their innate sexual preferences, as these tell the partner how they can perform. Look out for a partner who is not only open about their fantasies, but also invites you to share yours with a reassurance to fulfill them with ease.

Hot tip : "If you cannot be outspoken about your sexual fantasies, you may resort to measures like penning them down or recording them on a tape. But ensure that it reaches your partner at the right time before you slip between the sheets," says Dr. Gupta.

Unexplored sex destinations

2009-02-21T02:33:00.000-08:00

If your bedroom boredom has taken a toll on your sex life, all you need is a drastic, yet quick change. How about changing the place in which

Try these new places to get intimate with your partner. (Getty Images)

you are having sex?

Forget the boring kitchen or the bathtubs... think bizarre, out-of-the-box! Try out unexplored corners in your house, which you've have never earlier considered as apt places to enjoy a steamy sex session. From your storeroom to the dirty basement that you've never bothered to clean up to the garage that you thought was only meant for car parking – try out off-beat sex destinations and convert them into sensuous love dens.

Sex expert Dr. Deepak Arora agrees, "Whenever you experience a change in your life you feel more excited and the same holds true for sexual intimacy. Couples should keep changing the decoration of their rooms like lighting, placement of objects, wall colours, curtains etc to infuse a fresh feel every time they get intimate, as it boosts their sexual pleasure."

Sex counselor Dr. Shivi Jaggi supports, "Taking of sex variations, a place can influence a couples' pleasure quotient. Any place outside the stereotypical bedroom will help couples keep alive their sexual fire. The reason why they find hotel rooms more appealing than their bedrooms is for because it's a new pleasure playground that takes their mind away from mundane domesticity and adds a zing of excitement. So, if they pay a little attention and experiment with the decor of certain places within their own homes, they can perform wonders in their sex life."

So, the next time you plan an intimate session with your partner, try out these unexplored places within your house and see the heat of passion building like never before...

Garage Passion : Everyone loves a wild backseat romp, but it can get even wilder if you try sex in the garage. The dark ambiance and the rusty feel will surely build up the mood for a night of passion. Fun would be at its peak when you play love games of hide and seek behind the parked cars and let your partner look for you and thus build up your sexual mood. Alternately try a sex romp on top of your car. Dr. Jaggi explains, "In a garage, it's the raw energy of the destination that adds to the pleasure and once you're away from the comfort of your bedroom, this crude place is definitely racy and exciting. If you really wish to have a new-fangled change, you can specially design your garage to make it an apt place for sex."

Word of caution : Make sure you do not make too much noise by pressing the car horn and disturbing your neighbours as they may interrupt your sexual act.

Arty Attic : An attic fills the space between the ceiling of the top floor of a building and the slanted roof, and they are known for being awkwardly shaped spaces with exposed rafters and difficult-to-access corners. So why not make the most of this neglected area in your house? Decorate it in an alluring manner to seduce your partner and during the act, try out new positions in accordance with the structure of the attic. Dr. Arora states, "Due to hectic lifestyles, couples have no time to maintain their attic space. But just devoting a single day to covert it into a lavish area to have sex can turn the heat on. Couples will surely leave their bedroom luxuries behind and have sex on rough surfaces like that of an attic."

Word of caution : Since attics bear a slanted roof, ensure that you don't get up much during the sexual act or else you'll end up hurting yourself and spoiling the fun.

Basement Pleasure : While some convert their basements into an office area, others keep it vacant as a partying hall. But think of

Try these new places to get intimate with your partner. (Getty Images)

decking it up in a way to arouse your trigger zones. Try having a set-up that looks completely breath-taking with a spa setting or a club like scene with a pole dancing space. Such creations enable a prolonged foreplay, thus building the mood right for hot sex. Dr. Jaggi adds, "If resources allow, you can get a boring basement area revamped totally and make it an exciting place to enjoy sex with your partner. Right from assortments of scented candles, aroma oils, and sexual paintings to dim lights etc, liven-up this area with everything that act as perfect aphrodisiacs".

Word of caution : Don't be too loud with your moaning sounds, as the echoes in an empty basement can wake up the other members in your house.

Cosy Corridor : If you thought the corridor was just meant for kids to play during the day and the elderly to relax in the evening, think again! You can make the most of this zone during your moments of pleasure. Think of a converting your otherwise tedious corridor/balcony into a sex inspiring den. Place a cot adorned with satin sheets and scented flowers can act as an add-on. Dr. Arora suggests, "If you're staying on the top floor of a high rise, then the balcony or corridor can be a perfect place to have sex. Remember, you've moved to the balcony because you want to enjoy the fresh air and have sex in an open area, so no curtains are required. Also, ensure there are no surrounding buildings at the same level as your balcony and if there are, then wait for mid-night, so you can enjoy the act in the dark."

Word of caution : Ensure that your kids are carefully locked inside their bedroom on that night and do not get to witness your act in open. Beware of peeping tom neighbours.

Storeroom Surprises : Imagine how a broken table lying wasted in the storeroom can make for a wonderful base to get intimate with your lover. While in the storeroom, you can try being a little more creative by taking out antique items, sexual pictures, Kamasutra paintings etc and creating an atmosphere to arouse your partner. Dr. Jaggi shares, "Having sex in the storeroom is a welcome change. Having limited space, it usually stimulates sex in standing positions. The little spaces meant for ventilation allow some amount of light to enter the room, so it would be an excellent shift, as far as the surrounding is concerned."

Word of caution : Clear the excess dust in the storeroom as it may cause discomfort for either of the partners.

Romantic Roof-top : Having sex in the open on your terrace can be awesome, provided you make optimum use of the space. It can be by arranging a candle-lit dinner for your beau or decorating the entire roof-top with flower strands reviving your first-night charm. Dr. Arora opines, "If the rooftop is too high from which noone can see you from the outside, it can be an experience to remember. To make it more arousing, you can have a roof-top garden, which will not only add to the sexual energy, but also let you enjoy the fragrance of the blossoms. The moonlight adds to the ambience."

Word of caution : Your roof-top should be as private as your bedroom, so ensure there are not too many roof-tops adjacent to your terrace that may hinder your moments of passion.

Ten kissing commandments

2009-02-19T11:02:00.000-08:00

"Our date was extremely romantic, until I offered to seal the night with a kiss, which unexpectedly turned out to be quite awkward. While, I

The 10 kissing commandments (Getty Images)

was gravely ashamed, she never came back," shares 23-year-old, Rishi Gulati (name changed on request), a sad victim of a kissing-faux-pas.

Well, the misfortune of a bad kiss can fall upon any of us. Consider yourself lucky if your kiss left your partner craving for more. And keep your fingers tightly crossed for no one plans a kissing blunder, it simply happens! And mind it, you are hardly left with anything to mend the embarrassment caused by a 'dud kiss.' If a perfect kiss can register success in your relationship, a kissing bummer is good enough to bring your love journey to a dead end even before it starts.

Follow our '10 commandments of perfect kissing' and you'll never be tagged as a 'poor kisser'...

1. Thou shall not be a stinking fish
Nothing can kill a kiss like foul breadth. So, the first commandment keeps you off kissing, if your mouth is stinking due to hygiene issues, food, tobacco or excessive smoking. If you don't want your partner to remember the kiss for all the wrong reasons, try to look out for solutions. Dr. Kamal Bisht, a general physician suggests, "Begin by brushing your teeth before you go out on a date, irrespective of the time. Cleaning your tongue is also important as it removes bacteria. Avoid kissing if you have just had smelly food products like garlic, onions etc. Keep a breath spray handy and use it periodically throughout the day." Last but not the least, if you are a smoker, the pleasure of smooching your partner can be your motivation to kick the butt!

2. Thou shall open your mouth with care
"My girlfriend has this habit of opening her mouth very little while kissing, which does not allow me to enjoy a passionate kiss to the fullest," avers Rajdeep Bhawmik, a Delhi-based architect.

While, there's no accurate rule for opening the mouth, it's generally seen that a deep kiss using tongue is a huge turn on. Equally terrifying are gulpers who open their mouth wide open while kissing, ready to swallow their partner. The trick is to keep one's lips lose enough to let the lips of both the partners glide smoothly over each other making it a yummy kiss. Also, “start with a lip-to-lip kiss and gradually taste the depths of pleasure," suggests sex expert, Dr. Rajan.

3. Thou shall not be a dead dud
"For both men and women, responsiveness is the chief factor that makes for a better kisser," says

The 10 kissing commandments (Getty Images)

author William Cane in his book, The Art of Kissing Book of Question and Answers . So, rather than pouncing upon your partner's mouth, try and figure out the styles and movements that your partner enjoys. Try to figure out his/her likes and dislikes and adapt your technique accordingly.

Going with the other partner's rhythm is crucial. Don't expect your beau to do all the work while you enjoy his kissing moves. "My girlfriend is a hesitant kisser. She doesn't even move her head; forget about getting playful with her tongue and lips. It's just like I'm trying to find pleasure with a stiff stick," reveals Chandan Gupta, a 20-year-old college student.

4. Thou shall be a learner
No body is a born kisser. So, if you are an amateur kisser, who is apprehensive about locking lips, just follow your partner and the rest will fall into place, the way it happened with Jayati and Mayank. "During the initial days of our courtship, my girlfriend Jayanti was quite clueless about kissing, which was a big turn-off for me. But soon she realised her awkwardness and made a smart move. She simply started copying my style and now she can beat me in a passionate kiss," tells Mayank Taneja, a Mumbai-based PR professional.
Remember kissing is all about adapting and learning.

5. Thou shall use your hands appropriately
Agreed, that using hands results in elevating levels of passion. But do not pull his hair or grab her waist as if she'll run if you leave. Kissing is about imparting pleasure rather than inflicting pain. “Keep your hand movements limited to sensual and soft strokes on your lover's arms, back, neck, waist and hair or simply cup the face,” suggests Cane. Don’t get too aggressive in the name of showing wild passion. "My first boyfriend almost gave me bruises every time we kissed. Pinching and grabbing me gave him a sense of high, but I failed to match up with his wild passion and we broke up after a few dates and kisses," relates Madhurima Goel, a 19-year-old college student.

6. Thou shall not let your tongue go loose
You don't have to gag your partner by shoving off your tongue deep down into his/her mouth. Take it easy. The kissing rule for tongue says –less is more! Let the tip of your tongue perform the magic with subtle and gentle strokes. You can use your tongue for exploring, but that doesn't allow you to reach between your partner's teeth –as it can be a big turnoff. "Remember, slower the tongue movements, hotter is the passion," says Dr. Shivi Jaggi.

7. Thou shall not give me a saliva bath
Wet kisses undoubtedly work when it comes to getting into some raunchy action, but that

The 10 kissing commandments (Getty Images)

doesn't give you the liberty to go lap,lap,lap all over your partner's face. "My girl is a passionate kisser. But, the only problem with her is that her kisses are really wet. She licks my chin, cheeks, forehead etc, which becomes quite messy for me," complains Jatin Sharma, a 24-year-old, management student. So, slobbery is not welcomed while kissing.

8. Thou shall not have sex on your mind
It is not necessary for a kiss to end in some hot action between the sheets. Your kiss shouldn't give away the hint that you are getting desperate to hit the bed. "Kissing brings people close physically and emotionally. And this closeness satisfies a deep emotional need for connecting with your partner," explains Cane.
So, while you are kissing, be sensitive to your partner's need. He/she may or may not be ready for sex immediately. Don't use a kiss as a means to reach a sexual climax. Let your kiss be romantic rather than plain sexual.
"I can still remember my first kiss, though for unpleasant things. The way the guy was busy groping me, gave clear clues that he wanted to have sex with me on our first date itself and I wasn't ready. And soon after that date, within no time I made up my mind to never meet him again."

Another way to keep your first kiss plain romantic, rather than hard core sexual can be to keep your hand-work limited to the non-erotic zones like the neck, arms, back waist etc., rather than reaching out to the erotic zones. Though, imagination and experimentation can be your yardstick if both of you are ready and enjoying.

9. Though shall not stare while kissing
You might be curious; you might feel like watching your partner taking pleasure in the act, but continuously staring at him/her while kissing is a big no no! Whenever a person is enjoying something to the hilt, their eyes automatically shut. Closing the eyes is an autonomous stimulus to pleasure. So, kissing is no exception to this rule and people tend to close their eyes. “Also, the sight of your partner almost eating you might not look very beautiful if you watch it continuously, though there's nothing wrong in getting a peep every now and then," suggests Dr. Rajan.

10. Thou shall be confident of your kiss
Be it a plain pucker or a passionate lip lock, not just the initiator, but even the recipient ought to be confident. Remember, to go with the flow and you'll do fine. When passion reaches its zenith, no guide-book or tips remain in one's mind. So, just be yourself and let the warmth of your lips take over. "Be it approaching your lover for a kiss or accepting his proposal, both should be utmost confident. Jitters may spoil the mood, irrespective of who is getting them," explains Dr. Jaggi.

What women want?

2009-02-16T08:10:00.000-08:00

She is passionate about her work, chills out with her friends over the weekend, hosts pyjama parties at regular intervals and refuses to settle down for marriage early in life. But, Preity also has her own share of sexual experimentation and doesn't mind admitting to them.

Enter Bollywood. Be it actress Kangana Ranaut's blank admission of her pregnancy in the film Raaz - The Mystery Continues , Priyanka Chopra's one night stand in Fashion or debutante Mahi Gill's decisive rug-packing, bicycling to the fields for a romp in Dev D , these modern female protagonists cut a swathe of the Indian population's sensitivity towards a woman's sexual urges.

From the chest beating, tear pumping melodrama queens who heaved and committed suicides if they dared to have a child out of wedlock to the modern day avatar who just 'moves on' – women protagonists have greatly evolved in terms of shedding their sexual inhibitions. But, what happens when the sexual liberation projected in Bollywood is juxtaposed against reality? We explore...

Shilpa Saini, a manager with an MNC speaks out, "The image of a woman in Indian society has definitely seen an up gradation. Today, I can afford to stand up to the society and say that I earn my own living and so I have the right to manage my own life, the way I want to. But what percentage of women can say that?"

Agrees journalist, Shweta Sethi, who voices her opinion about the recent pub attacks on women in Mangalore. She says, "Whenever women have tried to break free from restrictions, they have faced aggression, despite hailing from the urban class. What about women who are still in the villages? They are not even aware of their sexuality and those who dare to transgress are brutally put in their places."

Even as Bollywood makes inroads into female sexuality with the recent Dev D giving a no-holds-barred version of a woman's frustration, is the modern urban woman really as sexually vocal about her feelings as it is made out to be?

Says author Anjali Appachana, "Bollywood has always been slightly ahead of times, so its depiction of women isn't entirely right. Having said

Have women really stepped out of their sexual inhibitions as Bollywood would like to portray?

that, it also draws heavily from what is happening around. And it's time that female sexuality is taken into consideration. It's always been there in books, but has not been showcased well on reel. That is also because today the audience's acceptance has seen a dramatic rise. Earlier such graphic depictions of female sexual freedom would either have been cut by the Cennsor Board itself or publicised as an adult film."

If one recalls, women in films have mostly been asexual. Being stereotyped into the role of a mother, sister or girlfriend, they have often taken a backseat or relegated to the sweet damsel in distress kind of roles. However, only in the 1970's blockbuster hit Deewar veteran actress Parveen Babi played a woman who had no qualms either in sleeping with her partner without marrying him or going for a quick drag after her romps.

Post the film; women have been going off-on with the 'bold roles'. Actor Manjari Phadnis reveals, "It's OK to show a heightened state of affairs in films because even the audiences realise that it's just a film after all. However, in real life, change has come for sure, but at a very slow pace. Today, women work late nights and also have affairs before marriage without batting an eyelid. But such instances can happen in pocketed areas of the country."

However psychologist Amit Dutta says, "Urban women tend to have casual flings, which is drastically pushing up the abortion rate in the country. What is important to understand is the emotional weight on the woman's mind. Despite liberation, women still remain emotional creatures. The total impact of a one night stand is felt the morning after. So, although they have become financially independent, women should steer clear of stuff that could be traumatic for them."

Recalls Saini, "I have women friends who aren't afraid to initiate sex with their partners and are also quite upfront about the same. I have a friend who was frustrated because her boyfriend just wouldn't take their relationship forward. Despite being sure of their feelings, he was just probably a bit shy. So, she decided to take matters in her hand and asked for my flat keys and I was happy enough to give it."

Social activist Tanu Ahuja points out, "Women have been fighting for their rights for a long time. But a lot of hypocrisy prevails in our country and that's why there are such conflicting views. While women want to be independent, social norms and duties that compel her to be a good mother, wife, daughter etc. restrict them. They are constantly judged. And finally they are either worshipped as a goddess or loathed as a slut. It will take a long time for people to understand that she is just a human being yearning to live her own life.

Give some or take some, women have been at the receiving end for a long time now. Even today, the battle continues to rage as much on the inside as on the peripheral.

The not so-usual Valentine gifts

2009-02-12T10:21:00.000-08:00

It's that time of the year when love is in the air; when lovebirds everywhere amble together expressing their love. But the big question is how

The not so-usual valentine gifts (Getty images)

do you do that? With D-day approaching, the hunt for the perfect gift to woo your partner has begun. Even the local gift stores are busy stocking up the usual mushy-mushy products. But, why not try a different approach this V-day? How about gifting something naughty, erotic or sensual this Valentine's to your sweetheart.

"Although teddy bears holding hearts remain our hottest selling product for Valentine's Day, but at the same time, we have observed a niche demand for naughty products, especially from working couples," says Youhan Darrab Aria, Head Corporate Communications, Archies Limited.

"The demand of naughty gifts is steadily increasing," says Ashish Vijh, E-Commerce Head, Indiatimes Shopping. The popular online shopping website has included sensual products such as branded lingerie (including lingerie packed in a bottle), fashion mobiles and designer flowers.

So, if you want to add a little spice to your gift giving, here is a list of different gift ideas to set the ball rolling.

1. Lingerie
What can be a better gift than some sensually enticing innerwear to your beloved. Not only it will be a romantic surprise for her, but will also act as a great precursor for a steamy night ahead. Available in different tempting colours and designs, erotic lingerie is a perfect prop for a night of wild passion.

"We have introduced a seductive range especially for this Valentine's. In fact, we have received loads of requests for the colour pink and red," said Thorsten Allenstein, MD Triumph International (India and Sri Lanka) "There is lot of purchase happening from men at our stores as we give ready solutions to our customers which makes the whole selection process easier," he added. "I am all set to gift my girlfriend a lacy G-string and push up bra as we are planning a Moulin Rouge night to celebrate our first Valentine's Day together. I can't wait to see her clad in sexy lingerie. I know she's always secretly desired such innerwear, and coming from me will add to her turn on," says 32-year-old banker Romit Sengupta.

2. Edible body paint
How about a sinfully delightful and lip smacking experience? Edible BodyPaint is the latest adventurous medium to express your fantasies towards your lover. Use a brush or let your fingers do the trick to paint your shades of sensual imagery on your partner's body. What's more? The paint is 'edible', so take the hint and let your tongue embark on a lip-smacking tasting sessions.

"My husband is extremely creative when it comes to making out. He puts every possible fruit to use in our make out escapades. The idea of using edible body paints will also entice him to the core. I know what I am buying him on this Valentine's Day," avers an exited Sulochana Mansukhani, (name changed on request) a Mumbai-based PR Professional. "We have introduced edible chocolate body paint for Valentine's Day as there is a demand for such sensual products," says a store manager of floral boutique chain Ferns 'N' Petals.

3. Love toys
Who said toys were simply just for kids? Valentine's Day can be a great excuse to take your sexual relationship to new heights with some adult toys. A sex toy, be it a dildo, dong or a vibrator, can be a wonderful gift for both of you to explore each other's fantasies. Add a little creativity to your sex life and open the doors to reach newer levels of excitement and pleasure.

"Last year, I gifted my girlfriend an adult toy and she simply loved it. It's a very intimate product and there could be no better occasion than V-Day for gifting it to her. It opened her up to me all the more," says Vibhav Sharma, a bank manager. "Sex toys are a great way to enhance sexual performance. For instance, using a vibrator on a woman, when the man is giving her oral sex can take her to heights of ecstasy she has never treaded before. Sex toys give you an added advantage of good health, as they release stress and tension," tells Bangalore-based sexologist, Dr. Murthy PS.

4. Erotic Books/Games
Why not add into your sexual knowledge with some text-book reading on the act? A gift of erotic literature

The not so-usual valentine gifts (Getty images)

like the Kamasutra or Indian erotica is a great stimulation on the most special day of your lives. Check out both new and classic works of erotic fiction and poetry, which you can read aloud to each other as a unique way to spark off a night of sexual exploration. "Books like Expert Love Making, Quickies: Sex for Busy People, Intimate Relations: Exploring Indian Sexuality and Ecstasy through Tantra are a few popular books that Indian readers are picking up really fast.

Not only young couples, but even middle-aged couples who are looking forward to bring back charm in their sex life ask for these books," reveals Suraj Mohanty of Budaniya Book Shop. You can also try your hands at love games like fore-playing flash, dice and card board games and have a lot of fun in the process. "My husband arranged for some really raunchy love games last year. Our gaming session helped a great deal to unleash our adventurous spirits and to bring to light a special evening with passion," says Madhu Sharma, a Delhi-based teacher.

5. Scented massage
There's no better way to initiate sensual touching with your partner than an erotic massage. Create a mood of love, romance and bliss this V-day by giving each other full body massages with aromatic massage oils. "Couples who practice massages in their relationship often report that they feel closer to their partners. It encourages sexual desires, so they are not just connecting on a sensual level, but on a physical level too. This in turn builds trust and love. It fosters an intense bond, which is necessary for a truly connected and intimate relationship between two people. Keeping your hands in contact with your partner's skin is necessary for it to be a lasting and loving intimate relationship," explains sex therapist Dr. Simridhi Siddique.

"My wife loves getting pampered. So, this V-day I'm planning to prepare a home spa for her. I'm looking forward to pampering her with a hot oil massage. I just hope the massage session graduates into an eventful night for both of us," shares Hemant Kulkarni, a Delhi-based advertising professional. "There is a wide range of massage oils ranging from strawberry, chocolate, wild cherry and others to choose from. Ylang Ylang oil is the most popular oil when it comes to boosting sex-drive," suggests aromatherapist Dr. Naresh Arora of Chase Aroma Therapy.

6. Wine
Nothing makes a romantic evening sweeter than an expensive bottle of wine. If you're going for dinner this Valentine's Day, some wine will be a nice addition to your romantic feast. You either opt for a vibrant, spicy red or a full bodied white vineyard wine to set the mood for the rest of the night. "It might sound traditional, but it's special! Sparkling rosé remains the most fun, frivolous and romantic drink ever. There are plenty of fine pink sparklers around, so select your favourite pink bubbly and speak your heart this Valentine's day," suggests restaurateur, AD Singh.

Saurabh Vij, a Mumbai-based, banking professional says, "I read on the Internet that wine made a great ingredient for glowing skin. So, last Valentine's Day, me and my wife, got into experimental mode and tried out an intoxicating wine bath. And I must tell you, the magic was working on our sexual intimacy as well."

6. Sex in a box
Finding it tough to let your partner get a whiff of your mood? Want to let your spouse know that you are interested in a night of pure love and wild romance this Valentine's day? Create a goody bag loaded with scented massage oils, a feather tickler, bathing gels, sensuous lingerie, edible chocolate pain, a love-toy and a few perfumed candles. As your spouse unwraps this sex-goody bag, you'll find him/her getting the cues and unwrapping an eventful night on the right notes.

"I am quite shy and my husband always wanted me too take the lead in bed. So, last year I surprised him by letting him know my naughty intentions with a 'sex-box' that I created exclusively for him. I collected all the possible goodies that could suggest to him my naughty intentions and it worked magic. I didn't have to say anything, he was absolutely prepared for a night of action," shares Nikita Chandra (name changed on request), a PR professional.

Remember whatever you decide to do, make it personal. You do not have to spend a lot of money to make the day unforgettable. The thought that you put into doing something unique and loving is much more important than the price tag.

Why are men losing interest in sex?

2009-02-11T08:31:00.000-08:00

The "Not tonight darling, I've got a headache" syndrome is usually associated with women when they're not in the mood, but lately the excuse is

Why men are losing interest in sex? (Getty Images)

increasingly being used by men to put off sex, according to a survey.

The new poll by independent charity the Men's Health Forum has found that 15 per cent of men aged between 18 and 59 admitted to a "lack of interest in sex".

Relationship-counselling service Relate has revealed that there's a 40 percent increase in the number of men saying they had gone off sex, compared with 10 years ago.

All the above men with low libido don't face any physical problems; it's just that they do not want to have sex.

Research has found that the growing trend of the drop in male desire is a direct result of women's changing role in society.

Men get overwhelmed with the modern woman, who is confident and comfortable with her own sexual needs and desires.

Apart from that men are bombarded with an overload of sexual images on the Internet, cable TV and in magazines, so much so, that it may be leading them to prefer the ever-ready fantasy to the reality.

Renowned Chicago-based relationships therapist Michele Weiner-Davis caused a furore in the US by claiming that at least 25 per cent of all men suffer from low desire.

It was, "America's best-kept secret," the Sun quoted her as saying.

Michael Gilbert, author of The Disposable Male , said: "Western men feel marginalised.

"In a third of American homes where both partners work, women earn more than men. This tears at the fabric of male sexuality."

And the problem is further worsened by the number of overworked men who are turning to alcohol to relax after work, and it has been revealed earlier that booze interferes with testosterone.

Phillip Hodson, a psychotherapist and author of Men: An Investigation Into The Emotional Male , said: "Sex is all about play. Libido comes out of a moment of idleness and down time. But British men work the longest hours in Europe. Sex and the clock don't go well together.

"Men drink because it's a short-cut to relaxation - but alcohol dampens the libido.

Is your partner cheating on you?

2009-02-09T09:15:00.001-08:00

Infidelity seems to have become synonymous with relationships in today's fast paced, urban life. So, if your partner is temperamental, spending

Is your partner cheating on you? (Getty images)

less time with you, or saying no to sex much too often, there are chances that he/she is having an affair.

While accepting this may be easier said than done, but it is certainly better to know the bitter truth than to hurt yourself and regret later. Here are some signs to watch out for...

Is he/she distancing himself/herself from you?
If there is an uncomfortable distance between both of you and you are clueless as to how to bridge the gap or if your partner has been ignoring you recently, it is likely that he is looking for affection outside your relationship. Sudden changes in his/her behaviour may be the tell tale signs of an affair.

Anuradha Taneja (name changed on request), 33, a homemaker confesses, "I have been feeling distanced from my husband in the last few months. He is never interested in listening to me. Whenever I ask him for advice, he asks me to take my own decisions, he keeps himself pre-occupied with work and his friends and it seems as if he is deliberately avoiding me. I am confused and helpless."

Tell tale signs: Manmeet Bhalla, a marriage and relationship counselor suggests, "It is normal for stress and work pressures to create conflicts between couples occasionally. However, if it is happening too often, it is important for couples to share their concerns. Communication is the most effective way to bring you closer."

Is he/she losing interest in sex?
Is he/she temperamental when it comes to getting physically intimate? Does he/she make excuses for not having sex with you? Avoiding intimacy is a sure shot sign to figure out that that your partner is losing interest in you. While it is normal for such incidents to happen occasionally, but if you have been observing these traits much too frequently, there's a possibility that he/she is cheating on you.

Devendra Rai (name changed on request), 29, who works with a multinational company in Gurgaon says, "My wife is just not into me from the last few months. Whenever I try to get intimate with her, she either tells me that she is too tired to have sex or is not in the mood. She is irritable and is losing interest in me. I have even tried talking to her about the problem, but she keeps avoiding these conversations."

Agreeing with Devendra, Kriti Kapoor (name changed on request), 35, a businesswoman, confesses, "My husband had been losing interest in sex since last few months. Even when I tried to take an initiative, he told me he is not in the mood and avoided me. I recently got to know through a common friend that he has an affair with his college friend who was also his ex girlfriend. I didn't trust my friend until I saw them together at a pub late night where I had gone to attend my friend's party."

Tell tale signs: Sunil Garg, an expert on sex-related issues suggests, "It is vital for couples to share their expectations when it comes to physical intimacy. Distancing yourself from each other will only add to the problems. Physical display of affection is important to sustain a relationship."

Does he/she argue with you on petty issues?
If your partner is irritable or argumentative on petty issues, looks for reasons to

Is your partner cheating on you? (Getty images)

initiate a heated discussion and never respects your opinion, it may be a sign of trouble brewing in your paradise. Accretion of these signals could point to something more ominous happening in your world.

Poonam Biswas (name changed on request), 27, who works with an advertising agency confesses, "My boyfriend has been behaving absurdly in the last few weeks. We just don't seem to agree on anything. He finds faults with everything I say and accuses me of being overtly possessive. I have noted a drastic change in his behaviour suddenly."

Tell tale signs: "Mutual trust and understanding is the key to a successful relationship. Suspecting each other puts a serious dent in your relationship and the damages are often irrecoverable. You may not agree on everything, but it is necessary to respect each other's opinions during a conversation," adds Manmeet.

What does his body language say?
Observing your partner's body language may be an effective way to find out if he is losing interest in you. As the old adage goes, 'Actions speak louder than words'. So, if he/she is just not into you anymore, his/her body language will tell all.

Anuj Mittal (name changed on request), 32, who works at a private bank in Delhi says, "My wife and I have recently started arguing more often in the last six months. She comes back late from work and often tells me that she has to go out for dinner with one of her clients. When I tried asking her about her associations, she gets offended and looks nervous, she starts fumbling and walks out of the room. For the next one week, she avoids talking to me. I later read an SMS on her cell phone from her client asking her to meet him for a movie. I just couldn't believe it. She later confessed to me that she was having an affair with him and now wants a divorce from me."

Tell tale signs: Savita Mishra, a body language expert explains, "Your body language influences what other people think or feel about you. Say, if you have a habit of touching your nose while having a conversation, it can be perceived as a sign of deception. Not maintaining eye contact, looking away, sweating heavily may also be some signs by which you can identify dishonesty. When people are being dishonest, their gestures and words aren't in sync. If he/she assumes a defensive position or immediately changes the subject, gets up from the chair and suddenly walks out of the room, it may mean that they are lying and are getting defensive."

Does he/she compare/criticise you?
If your man/woman keeps criticising your appearance, your attire, your behaviour or compares you

Is your partner cheating on you? (Getty images)

with his/her colleagues or his/her friend's girlfriend/boyfriend, you can assume that he/she is looking for lame excuses to part from you. It may be the right time to tell your partner 'Enough is enough'.

Tanvi Mitra (name changed on request), 26, a PR professional agrees, "My hubby has been behaving strangely over the last few months. He has a very close friend at his workplace who is a lady and he always keeps comparing me with her. It annoys me, but whenever I try to explain my feelings to him he gets irritated."

Tell tale signs: "Mocking or criticising your partner is equivalent to disrespecting him/her. Even if your relationship is going through a rough patch, it is best to keep yourself from venting out your frustration on each other," says Archana Nanda, a psychologist.

Does he/she hide things from you?
The easiest way to find out whether or not your partner is having an affair is to keenly observe his behaviour and his belongings. If he/she is too possessive about his/her laptop, leaves the room whenever he/she is on phone or deletes messages from his/her message box and is cautious while checking his E-mails when you are around, there is definitely something that he is hiding from you.

Priyanka Ahuja (name changed on request), 33, a homemaker shares, "My husband is very possessive about his mails and cell phone. In fact, I recently came to know that he has another cell phone which I wasn't aware of. Whenever I ask him about his whereabouts, he says, 'I am out for some work'. He also avoids taking my calls. I am feeling insecure and helpless."

Tell tale signs: "If you are confused as to whether your suspicions are real or it's just the fear of losing your partner, it is important to be sure before accusing your partner of having an affair. It is also important to weigh your options before causing damage to your relationship," adds Archana.

Does he avoid taking you out for parties/dinners?
If your partner leaves for work early and comes back late, evades spending time at home, often goes out for business trips or official parties and deliberately avoids taking you along, is reluctant to introduce you to his friends/colleagues or avoids being spotted with you in public places, you are most likely being duped.

Yamini Sachdev (name changed on request), 34, who works with an insurance company in Indore says, "My husband never takes me along to his official parties, whereas his colleagues bring along their spouses on some occasions. He keeps talking on the phone for late hours and whenever I ask him, he just says that he is on an official call."

"Infidelity can be a painful experience. If either you or your partner have been unfaithful, it would be better to discuss the reasons that caused you to seek love outside your relationship. Finding the causes of the problem may give you a better understanding of the situation. You may also seek professional help if required," suggests Manmeet.

Virginity: A virtue or a curse?

2009-02-08T09:59:00.000-08:00

Mansi, a 24-year-old girl on the verge of matrimony is facing a commotion of mixed thoughts. Her nupital excitement is climaxing at two levels.

Wedding jitters: OMG! I'm no virgin! (Getty Images)

On one hand, while she's awaiting stepping into a realm of new relations, on the other, her 'virginity-status' is adding to her pre wedding jitters.

Mansi is getting sleepless nights wondering what if her better half comes to know that she's not a virgin? Will he accept her if she dares to bare the truth? Can she hide it, if she tries? These questions popping into her mind prior to D-Night is adding to her nervous anxiety. However, she's not alone as there are many women on the verge of tying the knot who face the same dilemmas.

So, is losing one's virginity before marriage still a big deal? Let's explore...

Kalpana Sharma, a Delhi based journalist, heralds the importance of open ended communication, adding that her conjugal relationship only improved after she and her partner chose to candidly share sagas of their steamy pasts with one other. "My guy wasn't a virgin and he revealed this in our first few days of courtship. This gave me the courage to share my own experiences with him and he was equally cool with it. I think as long as the past doesn't affect your present, it's cool."

For Rahul Rastogi, a 26- year-old, chartered accountant, revealing one's sexual past is an individual's personal prerogative, which should be respected. "If I were to discover on my first night that my partner is not a virgin, I would take it well, as at least one of us is more experienced," he reveals. Ujjwal Sharma, finds the answer in the changing social trends, when he says, "In today's age, I don't expect my partner to be a virgin as it has become a trend to lose one's virginity even without love."

Discarding one's past and cooking up a yummy future is the new relationship mantra amongst newly weds. New age lovers are matured enough to let the bygones be bygones and not allow their past baggage to ruin their future. "When one embarks upon a new journey with their partner, all that should matter is the present and the future," says Arshi Uppal, a PR executive, based in Delhi. "It matters only if you are one. I won't leave my wife for her past, but will definitely make sure she stays loyal with me for the rest of her life," believes Lokesh Verma, a Delhi based tattoo artist.

The temptation to take the plunge becomes tough to resist, in a day and age when sex comes naturally in relationships of the heart. And modern day go-getters have no qualms in accepting that their partners may have gone the whole way in their past affairs. But, despite some broad minded couples, there are still those who relate virginity to morality. For them the bond of the unbroken hymen still scores over the bond of love and commitment. But what if you marry one of these?

Don't fret! Now, while we're are not talking about a technical 'hymen reconstruction' or innovative ways of faking virginity, rather we are doling out some fun formulas.

Try these methods on the first night and your partner will end up thanking you for your valued experience, rather than brooding over

Wedding jitters: OMG! I'm no virgin! (Getty Images)

your virginity:

1. Load her with gifts: Most men suffer from performance anxiety, added to that is the tension that your wife may understand you are not a virgin. Such thoughts often spoil the magic of the first night together. So indulge your better half as women love gifts. Shower her with the best of picks...right from saucy lingerie to classy jewellery. She'll be so engrossed in adoring her gifts of love that analysing your chastity would be the last thing on her mind.

2. Act like a greenhorn: In Rome, do as the Romans do! And when with a virgin, do as a virgin does. Try not acting like a well rehearsed 'sex-guru' or a 'sex-goddess'. Go slow...you have your entire life to try out those meticulous moves and painful positions.
3. Seduce him to madness: OK...you have been a sex kitten. Use your sexperience now! Seduce him to such an extent that he's just there and wants 'it' and nothing else matters. Be it with your tantalising lingerie or the sexy tattoo you've got etched at a place that's accessible only to him- use your body to your best.

4. Prolong the foreplay: A killer desire to jump into a steamy, hot romp is a clear indication of premature desperation. Resist this temptation and extend the sensuous foreplay. Touch, tickle, tease or taste... do anything to turn on him/her to an extent where the thought of virginity ceases to exist.

5. Get the angles wrong: Yes, as opposed to the general rule of getting all the angles, moves and positions right. Make the wrong moves and motions and she'll know you are an anxious first timer, just like her. Maybe you will discover an altogether new position all by yourselves. The excitement of discovery will make your first night memorable.

6. Get loud: As the popular adage goes, most first timers fear that first time could be quite painful. And pain makes one scream aloud. So, even if it's not your first time, getting your vocal chords active often acts as a pleasure heightener.

7. Put some sense in his mind: If the above mentioned tricks fail to seduce him and he's still banking upon a 'broken-hymen' as the stamp of virginity, gently make him understand that women can lose their hymen for many reasons, without even being touched by a man. A modern man will understand that even swimming breaks the hymen.

More than virginity, accepting your partner the way he/she is. And take the wedding night as the beginning to a new journey. So here's to a passage of self discovery.

Oversized? Here's your guide to sexual bliss

2009-02-07T10:13:00.000-08:00

Is your potbelly an obstruction during intimate moments with partner? Are thunder thighs causing discomfort in sexual pleasure, keeping you away

There's nothing to feel conscious of your curves between the sheets. (Getty Images)

from a gratifying sex life?

If these worries hound you every time you gear up for a steamy sex session, then refer to our sex guide to help you out!

A recent study revealed that only one third of UK women belonging to size 16 have sex once in a week, compared to their size 8 counter parts who get lucky almost twice. One in every ten obese women reported about not having had sex for a year – because the thought of their partner seeing them naked harassed them mentally.

Though thin women are not always happy with their bodies, but in general they tend to be more confident in bed in comparison to their overweight counterparts, whose bedroom action is almost invaded by 'size' issues. Obesity is something, which your partner might not like, so it's justified for them to lose interest in sex.

Dr. Basheer Ahmad Roy, a Bangalore-based sex specialist states, "High obesity levels surely become a matter of concern that hinders a couple's sexual life. If you're fat, your partner will be less interested because he/she knows that sexual pleasure won't be as desired. At the same time, your physical appearance will make you hesitant and less confident, thus affecting your performance in bed."

If you are beautiful, fit and active you tend to feel confident – with or without clothes. But if you are obese, you remain conscious of your body appearance and fail to concentrate on the sexual act. Stating that it's all in the mind and there's nothing to be ashamed of, marriage and relationship counselor Geetanjali Sharma explains, "Obese people are not able to arouse and satisfy their partners and they get de-motivated in the act. It's the lack of self esteem that holds them back rather than the fact that your partner doesn't like your being fat."

The reasons behind low sex drive have often been linked to obesity. Agreeing to this, Dr Shivi Jaggi, a Delhi-based sexologist says, "Obese men face a reduced blood circulation and this obstructs proper erection. Also, social factors like physical looks, body shape etc., which attribute to your partner's interest in you, further affects your sexual experience."

Moreover, the problem of obesity kills the drive to experimentation in bed using newer techniques and positions. Body weight either makes foreplay tougher or doesn't let your partner enjoy the climax. Elucidating further, Chandigarh-based sex specialist Dr. Deepak Arora shares, "When you stick to the same postures time and again, with no scope of experimentation, boredom is obvious, which gradually mars pleasure, ultimately hitting the couple's sexual life. And with both partners being obese, enjoying the act becomes impossible for both."

Dr. Roy supports, "Sex is all about bodies getting in contact with each other. But when, obesity comes in the way of pleasure and sexual fantasies remain unfulfilled due to weighty issues, problems are ought to arise between a couple. For instance, a man may desire to lift his wife in his arms, but fails due to her excess weight. As for sex positions, obese people fail to innovate, thanks to their body shape and end up banking upon the good old missionary position."

It's time to shed all inhibitions and try these trouble-free tips that help you reinstate that lost

There's nothing to feel conscious of your curves between the sheets. (Getty Images)

bedroom action...

Dress to kill : If the problem with the man is arousal rather than erection, the lady can use her dressing style and sex appeal to add the punch. An element of mystery always excites men. So, so opt for some enticing lingerie and make undressing more pleasurable.

Dr. Shivi Jaggi, supports, "Sexual clothing matters a lot for the partner's arousal. Oversize people are extra careful in their choices and opt for outfits that make them look slimmer. Also, it pays to know your partner's choice and then wear something you know he/she would love to see you in. Women can play around with sexy attires and attractive intimates, so that the anxiety of taking them off, even with a not-so-flattering body disappears."

Take charge : Woo your man with a newfound confidence and forget being an odd lump-bump. Surprise him by initiating the action. Dr. Jaggi elaborates, "Even in a married couple, looks matter and physical appearance, at times, decides the rate of sexual pleasure. Obese women should forget their weighty inhibitions while making love. Don't shy away from being more active, taking charge, making naughty gestures, indulging in erotic fantasies or putting up a saucy strip show. All these acts will enhance your man's interest, hence shifting his focus away from your flabby body."

Dim the lights : There's nothing to feel conscious of your curves between the sheets, but still most obese people get goose bumps at the thought of their partner seeing them naked in loud lighting. Dr. Deepak Arora suggests, "We don't suggest to a couple that they turn the lights completely on or off during a sexual session, but rather create a dim lighting effect. It will not only add to the pleasure, but will also let you enjoy your partner's expressions."

Foreplay is important : Appetisers are always more delicious than the main course and when it comes to sex, foreplay is the main ingredient that can make up a perfect sex session. Be it thin or obese couples, foreplay should be as innovative as possible. "Couples should ideally spend the maximum time in foreplay with both partners participating equally. Good communication between partners becomes extremely crucial if either of the partners is overweight. Talking about weight issues openly helps in knowing your partner's likes and dislikes," suggests Dr. Arora.

Celebrate your curves : Curves can also make you look beautiful and remember that men don't necessarily like a skinny partner in bed. Use that popping flab to arouse your man. Belly dancing can be a really good option and it will also help you shed some calories.

Relationship counselor Geetanjali Sharma agrees, "Any form of dancing excites men and belly dance is one of the most sensuous acts that plus size women can opt for. Remember, men want their women to be active, aroused and free from apprehensions. So as long as you love your body and use it to tease your man, sexual pleasure will surely fall in place."

Be curvy in your thoughts : Let your partner know that all you care about is – 'having a good time in bed'. Don't let the excess flab come in the way of intimacy. Get comfortable in your mind and this will automatically reflect in your performance.

Geetanjali asserts, "Obese individuals are always shy and think about their partner's reactions towards their body, which affects their sexual life drastically. Rather concentrate more on things where you are better, such as being innovative in bed. Instead of focusing on your body, focus on your performance and sexual acts and have a positive mindset."

Is stress corroding your love life?

2009-02-06T03:14:00.000-08:00

Whether it is work pressure, conflicts with in-laws or money matters, relationships and stress go hand-in-hand in a contemporary, fast-paced

Is today's fast paced lifestyle is making our love life more stressful? (Getty Images)

urban life.

As deadlines replace conjugal intimacy, monthly budgets get in the way of candle-lit dinners, clash with in-laws leads to arguments with your partner and taking care of children leaves no time for tender moments - is stress corroding your love life?

Sometimes, even minor issues can act as stress triggers leaving you irritable, moody and ill-tempered. If such emotions are not kept in check, your relationship may go awry, leaving you isolated and distressed. We bring you the common causes of tension between couples and expert tips to counter them...

It's all about the money, honey!
Do you know where your partner spends all his money? Is he/she investing enough? Does he/she share financial plans with you? Believe it or not, money is one of the major reason of conflict between couples. Often, if one partner doesn't share his/her expenses and investments, it may result in the other feeling left out and may cause dispute between the two. One partner earning significantly more than the other often results in inferiority complex or jealousy causing stress and creating differences in the relationship.

Meenakshi Dayal, 34, a business woman, says, "I always tell my husband how much money I am earning and take all important financial decisions only after consulting him. On the other hand, he never tells me where he is investing his money and suddenly comes and tells me that he is buying a car next week or is planning a holiday. I get really annoyed for being informed at the last minute."

Counter tip : Dr. Kiran Bakshi, a marriage and relationship counselor explains, "Money matters are often responsible for disputes in a marriage and if one allows it to take precedence over a relationship, it can get ugly and result in a divorce. So, even if you don't share the minutest details of your expenses or finances with your partner, it is important to keep your spouse in the loop while taking major financial decisions."

Jealousy and possessiveness
Jealousy is dangerous to a relationship because it wears away the one thing that holds two people together- faith. Does your partner always praise other men/women? Is he/she still in touch with his ex? Feelings of jealousy, possessiveness and insecurity are likely to cause a serious dent in your relationship, causing immense stress and anxiety regarding your partner's loyalty towards you.

"My husband always praises his colleagues' wives and never acknowledges me for the things that I do for him. He keeps nagging me all the time and blames me for not being understanding enough. He doesn't allow me to go out with my friends at night, whereas he himself returns home in the wee hours of the morning. We often fight over these issues and there's nothing left in our relationship," whines Ankita (name changed on request), who works with a telecom company in Hyderabad.

Counter tip : "Trust is crucial for a loving and lasting relationship. So, if you tell your wife, 'I don't want you to go out with your male colleagues,' it means you don't trust your wife enough. It is not just important to have faith in your partner, but also in your relationship," adds Dr. Kiran.

Premarital virginity vows don't work

2009-02-06T03:13:00.001-08:00

Teens who pledge to stay virgins until marriage are just as likely to have premarital sex as those who do not promise abstinence, and are less

Premarital abstinence pledges don't work (Getty Images)

likely to use condoms and other birth control when they do, according to a new study.

The new study found that more than half of youths became sexually active before marriage regardless of whether they had taken a "virginity pledge," but the percentage who took precautions against pregnancy was 10 points lower for pledgers.

"Taking a pledge doesn’t seem to make any difference at all in any sexual behaviour," the Washington Post quoted Janet E. Rosenbaum of the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, as saying.

"But it does seem to make a difference in condom use and other forms of
birth control that is quite striking," Rosenbaum added.

Rosenbaum analyzed data collected by the federal government’s National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, which gathered detailed information from a representative sample of about 11,000 students in grades seven through 12 in 1995, 1996 and 2001.

Although researchers have analyzed data from that survey before to examine abstinence education programs, the new study is the first to use a more stringent method to account for other factors that could influence the teens’ behaviour, such as their attitudes about sex before they took the pledge.

Rosenbaum focused on about 3,400 students who had not had sex or taken a virginity pledge in 1995. She compared 289 students who were 17 years old on average in 1996, when they took a virginity pledge, with 645 who did not take a pledge but were otherwise similar.

She based that judgment on about 100 variables, including their attitudes and their parents’ attitudes about sex and their perception of their friends’ attitudes about sex and birth control.

By 2001, Rosenbaum found, 82 percent of those who had taken a pledge had retracted their promises, and there was no significant difference in the
proportion of students in both groups who had engaged in any type of sexual activity, including giving or receiving oral sex, vaginal intercourse, the age at which they first had sex, or their number of sexual partners.

More than half of both groups had engaged in various types of sexual activity, had an average of about three sexual partners and had had sex for the first time by age 21 even if they were unmarried.

"It seems that pledgers aren’t really internalizing the pledge. Participating in a program doesn’t appear to be motivating them to change their behavior. It seems like abstinence has to come from an individual conviction rather than participating in a program," Rosenbaum said.

While there was no difference in the rate of sexually transmitted diseases in the two groups, the percentage of students who reported condom use was about 10 points lower for those who had taken the pledge, and they were about 6 percentage points less likely to use any form of contraception.

Rosenbaum attributed the difference to what youths learn about condoms in abstinence-focused programs.

"There’s been a lot of work that has found that teenagers who take part in abstinence-only education have more negative views about condoms. They tend not to give accurate information about condoms and birth control,"
she said.

The study appears in the January issue of the journal Paediatrics.

Sex improves men's sexual longevity

2009-02-03T07:16:00.000-08:00

Mating with a female can boost the male's sexual longevity by a dramatic 20 percent, according to a

Sex improves male's sexual longevity
(Getty images)

study.

A team, headed by Ralph Brinster, of the University of Pennsylvania School of Veterinary Medicine, found that male mice housed with females maintained fertility levels until 32 months - a six-month increase in fertility over solitary males.

The study also concluded that once fertility began to decrease, the rate of decrease was the same for both groups of males. The decline in fertility appeared to be due in part to defects in the sperm production process.

Researchers postulated that a female housed with a male mouse delays reproductive ageing by affecting the cells surrounding the stem cells that produce spermatozoa in the testes, said a Pennsylvania release.

The effect on the environment of the sprematogonial stem cells likely occurs through the male's endocrine and nervous systems, the scientists theorised. "Whether this female influence occurs in other species is not known," Brinster noted.

If the effect is found to extend to other species, however, the authors point out that a 20 percent increase in male fertility could mean an extension of the male reproductive life span of years for various livestock animals and even decades for some large endangered species.

Gemstones to 'shine' your love life

2009-02-03T07:10:00.000-08:00

Gems have been used from times immemorial for luck and as good

Gem stones for relationship and sex (Getty images)

omens.

Astrologers prescribe wearing appropriate gemstones or birthstones as they are commonly called as remedial measures for mitigating the ill effects of some planets. Besides all the healing benefits, a gem also has the ability to aid sexual relationships, conjugal union, intimacy and commitment. We bring you a collection of top eight gemstones to boost your relationship and sexual life.

Cat's Eye
Cat's Eye is traditionally known as the "tail of the dragon". The Indian name for cat's eye is Lehsunia or Vaiduria . It is believed that by wearing this gem one is able to subdue his enemies and is able to remove the effect of any negative forces working on him. Astrologer and gemstone expert, Dr R.K. Sharma, explains, "It is a gemstone that helps create a spiritual union with your partner. The gemstone enhances the merger of spirit and body and is a very sexual gemstone. It also enhances psychic abilities, mystical experiences and divine knowledge."

Chrysoprase
Chrysoprase or Australian Jade was the favorite gemstone of Alexander the Great. "Chrysoprase eases depression and sexual imbalance and aids fertility. It's also helpful in the strengthening of reproductive organs i.e. ovaries, testicles, fallopian tubes, prostate, besides enhancing fertility and opening the sexual chakra," explains astrologer Dharmendar Diwedi adding, "Chrysoprase also encourages hope and joy and helps in clarifying problems by bringing happiness, peace and tolerance to its wearer. It expels anger, negative thoughts and irritability".

Watermelon Tourmaline
Tourmaline means "many colored stone" because it's an ancient gemstone that possesses a vast variety. Among the entire range of colours available, Watermelon Tourmaline is considered to be a relationship stone. Astrologer and karmic guru, Gyananender Shastri says, "Tourmaline helps to break up energy blockages, which we mentally experience as anxiety, stress or confusion. It also dispels fear and negative conditions with strong protective powers. It is also considered as the best stone for relationships as it aids concentration and inspiration and enhances sensitivity and understanding."

Carnelian
Carnelian gemstone is popular as a healing stone and also used for Chakra Healing and Colour Ray Therapy. Carnelian is said to provide energy that clears negative energy. Oscar winner Nicholas Cage recently had his wedding ring reset in the mystical carnelian rock as he claims it's working wonders for his libido. Astrologer Dharmendar Diwedi explains, "Carnelian is used to boost fertility and also promotes sexuality, sacred sex, and planned reproduction. It can also stimulate, balance and heal a woman's reproductive system namely her uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, cervix and vagina".

Garnet
The Garnet is a stone of purity and truth, as well as a symbol of love and compassion. It brings constancy to friendships and

Gem stones for relationship and sex (Getty images)

is also known for stimulating success in business. It can spark that inner fire and enhance imagination and creative powers and even has the ability to control the flow of energy, which in turn removes creative blocks.

Guru Gyananender Shastri says, "It boosts sexuality and fertility and promotes health, commitment, devotion, and passion. It also promotes tantric sex, monogamous and stable marriage. It is often suggested to people who want to find a true lover. It is said to draw your harmonious and sexually compatible mate to you and also bring about sexual healing."

Coral
Coral is the gemstone for Ariens and Scorpions. The Indian name of this stone is Moonga and it is said to accentuate many virtues like courage, perseverance, the capability to face and solve circumstances and problems. Dr R.K. Sharma explains, "Coral is used for sex control and mind stability. It also helps in conception and pregnancy, heals the ovaries and fallopian tubes and also stimulates ovulation."

Moonstone
Due to its delicacy, softness and fairness, the moonstone has been praised ever since its discovery and seen as a mystical and magic stone which has incredible therapeutic powers. Moonstone is considered to be a feminine stone but the beneficial effects and positive energy of this stone are not limited to women, as it can also help men achieve emotional balance and harmony in their life. "It regulates menstrual and fertility cycles, menopause. It Soothes and heals the emotions and mind, Helps spiritual growth and development, heals the astral body and also boost female energy", explains Astrologer Dharmendar Diwedi.

Fire Opal
Fire Opal is a passionate gemstone that inspires love and mutual attraction. Dr. R.K. Sharma, says, "Fire opal helps relieve energy deficiencies; stimulates sexual organs and the adrenal glands. It also releases and heals memories of incest, rape, and sexual abuse.

He further added, "It helps to establish new relationships after trauma and encourages healthy sexuality and healthy sexual relationships and also stimulates orgasm. This stone enhances charisma, making you very emotionally and physically attractive to other people because it brings out all your assets. Fire Opal not only enhances libido but as well as balances the wearer's sexual energy drive."

Add zing to your sex life

2009-02-01T10:28:00.000-08:00

Tired of a dull and boring sex-life? Want some magic? Well, here are some quick tips to turn the night of blunder into a night

From night of blunder to night of wonder (Getty Images)

of wonder

Let your nose be your guide: Try to find out what all scents turn on your partner and wear it before going to bed.

Talk dirty: If you know the art of playing with words, then you can see your partner turning red before even you touch her.

Art of kissing: It might be difficult to imagine for many, but a nice, luscious, passionate kiss can make both of you feel like undressing and making it a night to remember.

Experiment: Try to learn different ways of foreplay and pleasuring your partner. There are other ways of reaching an orgasm, apart from the missionary position.

Some men like to be dominated: They don't want a mere sleeping partner in bed. So try to be a part of it lady and surprise him with your moves.

Ah! That feels great: Offering to rub her body down or ask her to rub yours so as to arouse the senses. The thought of your bodies touching each other many turn a regular massage into a really hot move.

Let's get naughty: How about some visual stimulation to get your partner in the right mood? Many couples love watching erotic videos together. Here we are not implying pornography.

Everyone loves compliments: Be it man or woman, all of us like to be appreciated. So if you appreciate her curvaceous figure while making love to her, it definitely ignites her desire for an orgasm.

It's done: Men are generally designed to sleep after sex, whereas women need some pampering post intercourse. So make an effort to at least cuddle your wife after the big 'O'.

Comfort zones for sex

2009-01-31T10:52:00.000-08:00

If boredom is setting into your relationship and causing doldrums in your sex life, it's time to shed your inhibitions and get more experimental

Right ambiance for a better sex life. (Getty Images)

to enhance sexual pleasure.

While you may have already indulged in different kinds of love-making with your partner, it's important to ensure the right settings to make the most of a night of passion. Be it the bedroom ambiance, surrounding items, lighting, aroma or anything that helps boosting your sexual desire, the decor of the room must be in accordance with your mood and the kind of sex you want to indulge in.

Marriage and relationship counselor Gitanjali Sharma elucidates, "Sex is a natural need for all human beings. But there has to be appropriate arousal for a night of passion and the environment, ambience and bedroom settings play a major role is stimulating your sexual hormones. Just like we eat when we are hungry, similarly, there has to be a sex drive and a physical desire to make you indulge in sex and it come from various things in the pleasure playground."

Couples indulge in sex for various reasons. Some want to experiment and try out new things in bed, while others love seeing their partner experience heights of pleasure. There are others too who love pampering their partner through diverse forms of sex.

Here are various settings that can enhance your sexual camaraderie.

Create an innovative environment during experimental sex
As the name suggests, an experiment signifies something creative and out-of-box, so it could be a wild sexual stint. Couples opting for experimental sex aim to bring back the excitement and lust filled initial-days of their relationship. No matter how long they've been into their relationship, there is a need to have an Earth-shattering sexual experience every once in a while.

DO IT RIGHT : Dr Amita Mishra, a sex and relationship expert suggests, "When it's about being experimental, try out just about everything. From the sofa to the floor, living room to the kitchen, bathtub to the garden, let your imagination take over completely. Enacting a porn star or a pole dancer act could take your spouse by surprise. Having meals in a semi-clad state will ignite your partner's erotic side. Keep sexual props like whips, chains, pompoms and streamers handy to add to the mood."

Pamper your beau during make-up sex
Make-up sex is a quick and effective way to get rid of an ugly argument, so if you had a gut-wrenching fight with your spouse, there can be nothing better than indulging in a sexual reconciliation. While the act gives you several chances to say 'sorry' to your partner, don't forget the right ambiance is e a blessing in disguise. Not only it will make your partner feel pampered, but also let you gradually descend towards a sex romp.

DO IT RIGHT : Marriage and relationship counselor Gitanjali Sharma adds, "Keep a nice musical show piece, preferably a couple doing ball dance, alongside the bed that makes a chiming sound to add to the soothing aroma that you wished to create. Also, a lavish chandelier placed right above your bed can create the right combination of light and shadow. Also, decorate the room with flowers, place some surprise gifts for your partner, use satin bed sheets, heart shaped pillows etc that create a perfect atmosphere that makes your partner forget the fight and enjoy the sexual gratification."

That secret fetish

2009-01-27T09:34:00.000-08:00

Most of us nurse hidden fetishes. A fetish is characterised as an obsession, not just something sexual that you are attracted towards.

A fetish is characterised as an obsession, not just something sexual that you are attracted towards. (Getty Images)Sex expert Dr. Rajan Bhosle says, "Sexual fetishes are nothing more than unconventional, yet harmless sexual practices. There are many, which border on the unhealthy. One should understand that having a fetish is not abnormal, everyone has fetishes, but it's just that we nurture them within set limits. There are different degrees of fetishes that range from mild to extreme." He further goes to explain that if, "one is attracted to blondes that's one thing, but if you are unable to get aroused unless you're with a blonde, then you likely have a fetish". Fetish can be particular from individual to individual. They fall under three categories - media, form and animate. In the first category, a fetish is developed for a particular material with which one is obsessed with such as rubber, leather, latex, and silk. But with form fetish, it's the shape of the object that gives a high such as a woman's stilettoes, knee-high boots or lingerie. On the other hand, body parts like feet, hair, buttocks or breast are called "animate" fetishes. It's important to understand that fetish preferences differ from individual to individual. "Generally it's seen that a fetish is accompanied with certain feelings of guilt or shame. Try and seek other people who share the same sexual desires and practice it," opines sex expert Dev Karan. Some of the top fetishes that couples seem to posses: Body piercing : Ask the younger lot and body piercing seems to be a top fetish amongst them. Interior designer Priya Gill says, "A pierced body turns me on. It can be anything from belly buttons to tongues and eyebrows. Everyone should have at least one body piercing in "that" place to create a feeling of arousal". Dr Rajan Bhonsle puts in a word of caution saying, "One should be very careful as to where he has got the piercing done from. The area should be free from any kind of infection and kept clean. One should also try to sterilise the ornament they are wearing". Latex fetish : Men love material. The "bad" and "naughty" are always attractive. Model Rahul Mehra states, "My girlfriend's wardrobe has loads of garments in latex and leather. It's quite a turn on for me and gives me pleasure, making me more innovative in bed". Watching a woman move around in anything tight and shiny is a tease in itself. Dr Shekhar Shah says, "The hygiene factor is very important. Sweat blisters must be avoided. Signature stockings are common with women. Latex gear also acts a catalyst. Fetishes are, most of the times related to some object or palpable thing".

Kissing secrets revealed!

2009-01-24T09:55:00.000-08:00

Kissing is probably one of the best things you can do with your lips. It's not just the most passionate way of getting close to your partner,

Kissing secrets revealed (Getty images)

it's also something that enlightens your mood and adds zing to your love life.

So, what comes to your mind when you first think of kissing? A peck on the cheek or a passionate French kiss? Well, if you want to explore what turns on your mate or simply add creativity to your kissing techniques, here are some lip smacking ideas ...

Reverse lip kiss – Remember the sensuous kiss exchanged between Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst in Spiderman ? You can re-create the sizzling kiss with your partner. Of course you can't hang upside down like the famed super hero, so kiss your partner when he/she is lying down or seated. Come from behind and have them tilt their head backwards. Lower down your head and gently kiss their lower lip and feel your partner breathe on your neck. Abhishek, who works with a software company in Mumbai says, "My girlfriend really took me by surprise when I was working on my laptop. She came from behind, tilted my head backwards and gave me a kiss upside-down while I could feel her hair tickle my neck. I must confess I was quite impressed with her initiative and it really turned me on."

Underwater kiss – Dive to the bottom of the swimming pool, embrace your lover under water and suck in as if you were sucking air from their mouth. Leave them gasping for breath just for a few seconds. By the time you run out of air, reach the top, breathe and get set for the act again. If you are a guy, just pull your babe up above the water, while remaining in the pool and gently caress her thighs while rolling your tongue around her navel to provide the ultimate erotic sensation. Ashish Singh (name changed on request) says, "I would love to lock lips with my girlfriend under water. I love water sports and I think it would just add to the sizzling underwater action. What can be more sensuous?"

Ring kiss – When you and your partner are sitting together on a couch or lazing in bed, gently hold his hand and start kissing. Then smoothly, suck a ring out of his finger with the help of your teeth. Roll your tongue and slide the ring slightly to hold it around your tongue. Then share a passionate kiss by rolling the tip of your tongue to trace his lips. Let him suck the ring from your tongue and you can try stealing it again, it will heat up the scene.

Foot kiss - This one's not just amorous, but also an erotic gesture. Gently move your fingers on his/her bare foot. It may tickle your partner initially, but relax and enjoy the sensations! Then, gently kiss her foot and suck her toes. You can make the act even more intense by rolling an ice cube on her foot as you gradually move the cube up her legs and then to her inner thighs. "My partner turns me on by massaging my foot. He rubs his thumbs in circular motions from the heel to the toe and then sucks my toes one by one. Some people think it's kinky, but you have to try it to believe it. It works for me and it's even more fun if you do it in the 69 position and face each other's feet," says newly married Meenakshi (name changed on request) .

Nip kiss - When you kiss your partner next time, gently nibble on his/her lips. Be careful not to bite too hard and hurt them though. While smooching on one's lips is enjoyable, use your imagination and try exploring other body parts as well. Nibbling on the neck, for instance, is a great turn on. If you do it well, this kiss ignites flames of passion that will arouse you to explore your beau's body further. Arvind (name changed on request) , who got married a year ago, says, "If I really want to drive my wife wild, nibbling is the best way to do so. It makes her squirm with desire. It is the best foreplay act and gets you in the mood for more action. Biting her gently at the right time and the right place just makes her scream for more."

Earlobe kiss - As the name suggests, gently sip and suck your partner's earlobe. Cuddle close to your sweetheart, bite gently to make him/her moan and whisper something naughty. Let him hear you breathe and feel your wet lips. This will surely make him want you more than ever. However, take extra care to avoid loud, sucking noises.

"My hubby simply loves it when I bite him on his earlobe. And if I say something wild or naughty during the act, it sets his mood right. Just telling him what exactly I want him to do to me...the dirtiest of things makes him long for more," says Suchita Mishra (name changed on request) from Pune.

Oversized? Here's your guide to sexual bliss

2009-01-23T10:07:00.000-08:00

Is your potbelly an obstruction during intimate moments with partner? Are thunder thighs causing discomfort in sexual pleasure, keeping you away

There's nothing to feel conscious of your curves between the sheets. (Getty Images)

It's time to shed all inhibitions and try these trouble-free tips that help you reinstate that lost

There's nothing to feel conscious of your curves between the sheets. (Getty Images)

9 mantras to reclaim your sex life

2009-01-20T07:57:00.000-08:00

If the credit crunch managed to limp your sex life last year, then here are nine tips from an expert to help restore those lost charms in

Nine magic mantras to reclaim your sex life (Getty images)

the bedroom.

Dr. Ian Kerner, a New York City-based sex therapist, said that recession had taken its toll on people in general who were subsequently “having less sex”. "Fifty million people are stuck in a sex rut. The economy inhibits a person's libido because they feel stressed and depressed,” Fox News quoted Kerner as saying.

The author of Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parent's Guide to Getting It on Again has proposed nine ways to help those looking to give a boost to their passion.

Here are nine ways to reclaim your sex life:

1. Just go ahead with it: “It might sound silly, but just have more sex. Your mind has become habituated to not having sex, so it’s hard to break out of it. You have to reconnect.”

2. Connect with each other: “You can’t just turn sex on when it’s time to go to bed.You need to build that sense of connection."

3. Stay positive: “Studies show that for couples to boost their sex life, they have to be positive. It’s easy to go home and talk about mortgages and bills, but if it leads to a negative cycle of communication, figure out a positive form of communication.”

4. Prioritise your relationship: “Couples are spending more time on Facebook and blogs. The next thing you know it’s 11:30 p.m. and it’s too late for sex. There’s no urgent need to check your BlackBerry — your relationship has to be a priority.”

5. Adopt and maintain a healthy lifestyle: "It's easy to binge at the end of December with the holiday eating and drinking. Get healthy and remain healthy. It will increase your sex drive and exercise will boost your self-esteem, which is crucial to enjoying sex."

6. Reveal fantasies: “In sex, you often do the same things, rely on the same moves. Share a fantasy. Or, if you feel your partner is lacking in attentiveness, instead of criticising, express it in a sexy way.”

7. Lend a helping hand: “A lot of women aren’t interested in sex because they have other things on their minds like chores, dirty dishes and men can’t always appreciate that aspect. If men help and create an environment where women want to have sex, that’s really important.”

8. Be honest: “One of the benefits of being in a relationship is that sex isn’t perfect — guys are subject to their issues, women are subject to theirs. If in ’08 you were saying something didn’t matter, (maybe) it does in ’09. Sex changes from year to year and ’09 is a new year.”

9. Create the right environment, ‘the love nest’: “Put a little more energy into your surroundings. Create a surrounding that appeals to your senses.”

Kiss-me-quick-Currier-Ives-1840s

2009-01-19T09:59:00.001-08:00

"Kiss me quick", a humorous 1840's Currier and Ives print (152 Nassau Street, New York City) that would have been considered slightly naughty at the time...

Caption: "Children, this is the third time within an hour that I have placed your hats properly on your heads. -- There!!"

Find the kisses image

2009-01-19T09:51:00.000-08:00

Take your time with love

2009-01-14T10:33:00.001-08:00

Lovemaking need not always be a loud, boiseterous affair. You can use the intimate time with your partner to develop a deeper bond in your

Take your time with love (Getty Images)

relationship emotionally. Here is our list of 7 lucky mantras...

A softer tone to your love life can actually develop your relationship, anchor you emotionally with your loved one and can even save your marriage suggest experts. While there is a lot of hype about having a rocking love life, it is quite clear that quality time is better than the amount of noise couples make in bed. Thus, we have a list of seven tips that would help you slow down the pace of action and in the process, lengthen the bond you share with your loved one.

Extend the time you give to foreplay
Developing a carnal connection is not necessarily about getting the insta-orgasm . It's about savouring every touch and sensation that magnifies the physical and emotional bond. According to Canadian sexologists, better foreplay has a bigger payoff than scoring an orgasm. The sexual tension of anticipation leads to a more intense orgasm. A 10 week schedule towards extending your foreplay can genuinely change your relationship for the better say the experts.

For instance, spending some time kissing and caressing creates a mutual stimulation that has a meditative quality, allowing one to zero in on each sensation. Another option is to treat someone to a tantalizing experience by touching him from head to toe. Becoming familiar with the details of his body lets you mesh on a higher sensual level suggest sexologists.

The spine is a highly recommended area for this exercise. You could let your hands glide down his spine or run your fingers along the crease of his upper thigh. Also let him navigate your erogenous zones. Uncovering pleasure points specific to your bodies is like a secret the two of you share, and it leads a deeper emotional bonding because you are choosing to expose your vulnerability, as he will too.

Breathe together
This may sound far fetched but breathing in unison can make you both feel completely connected . Says a Belgian sex expert: "A focus on the same rhythm can get you into a trancelike state. It takes you into a 'zone' where you're very aware of your guy and your external environment seems to fade into oblivion." Sex after all is a form of meditation. Explore this angle of sex.

To synchronize your breathing, get into a oneto-one body position, such as spooning or coital alignment. Or sit nose-to-nose with your legs wrapped around each other and your hands on each other's chests so you can feel your heartbeats . Then inhale and exhale, slowly and deliberately , paying special attention to your man's pace as you caress and kiss. Breathing in tandem can help your excitement levels rise at the same rate too and could be the beginning of a great night ahead.

Eyes wide open
As the outside world fades into oblivion, focus inward and stress on the senses. Gazing at your partner forces you to concentrate on each other. Many women feel isolated during sex because you both tend to become so caught up in your own physical pleasure that you don't really bother with eye contact. Making eye contact is a way to communicate since it bridges that gap and lets you really be aware of your man's presence.

Again, eye contact is not exactly staring. It is more like you're looking inside of him rather than just at him. Study his facial expression and try to imagine what he's thinking and feeling, especially when he nears orgasm. Locking each other's gaze at this most personal moment is also a way of building trust. It begins a new era of acceptance between you and your partner.

A whisper speaks louder
Over-the-top encounters come with exciting decibel levels, pleasurable screams and other dramatics. However, a whisper can speak much louder say the experts. A soft spoken 'I love you' on your man's ear (the ear by the way is a great erogenous zone) can do wonders. Affirm your love for your partner with words as you both move to a beautiful rhythm of love and longing. Experts suggest that words have the power to heal, to give your partner confidence and to develop a comfort zone inside the bedroom (and the brain)

Rest in the bed after
The act is not over when it's over. Resting in bed and cuddling next to your lover after orgasm is just as healthy suggest experts as opposed to turning over. No words are required at this stage but the feelingness of belonging to one another; of staying there for the other's sake suggest a non-selfish , non-hurried attitude which can be extremely heartwarming.

Love is a lullaby
Even after washing up and getting ready for bed, there is nothing like a soft gentle lullaby for your man. Soft soothing music or a romantic tune of his choice can create a lingering sensation of the experience. It is important that the experience or the feeling associated with it are prolonged to develop a deeper bond, and when words and silence have been exhausted let your stereo do the talking as your loved one falls into a dream space.

Ambience
On a final note, candles, aromatic oils and other bric-a-brac are not cliches: they can genuinely lead to a fine ambience towards a softer, more sensuous equation in the bedroom. Good luck!

Why don't women initiate?

2009-01-14T10:30:00.000-08:00

"Though I love our image of the 'perfect couple', but if I read between the lines, may be I am

Why women take backseat in sex? (Getty Images)

unsatisfied.

It's been three years, but I am still desperately waiting for the day when my lady love will take the sexual lead and surprise me with her moves. Many times, I thought of discussing it with her, but dropped the idea as she may find it derogatory. Though we share a great chemistry, be it in or outside the bedroom, still I crave for the day when she would make the first move," confesses Samrat Tripathi, a 29-year-old Delhi-based media person.

Samrat isn't the only one craving for his girl to initiate the action in bed. "Is it just me who wants sex?", "Am I failing to satisfy her?", "Is my technique wrong?", "Does she wish for more pampering and foreplay?" are some of the thoughts that keep haunting men. This thought process keeps them so occupied that most of the time they fail to see some of the very obvious reasons for their problem.

It takes no rocket science to understand your beloved's physical needs, you just need to be caring and sensitive to figure out what's stopping her from making the first move. Here are some of the most common reasons holding her back...

Will he respond?
Many women with fragile ego find it difficult to kick start the action in the bedroom, as the fear of rejection keeps hounding them.

Aarti Rawat, a call centre executive says, "I am not afraid of telling my boyfriend what I need from him, but something holds me back initiating sex. Guys are so complicated and it's difficult to understand their needs so I keep guessing what's on his mind. I can just give him subtle signals like rubbing my cheeks against his or a passionate kiss to reveal my innate desires, but most of the times he fails to understand my hidden passion within these moves. It obviously hurts me so, even if I want to, so I let him take the lead."

Expert speak: Dr Sunil Mittal, a relationship counselor suggests, "There is a very simple rule in love, leave your ego hassles on the other side of the door. It is not only women who are frightened of rejection, at times men also feel the same. So first of all, start responding to the hints that your partner is dropping for you. If she kisses you, then respond in an equally passionate way. Don't ignore her needs and cravings, even if you are very busy. Tell her you need some time if you are pre-occupied and let her feel you are intently listening to her desires. Tell her that you really love it when she makes the first move. It will definitely boost her confidence and her fear of rejection may disappear soon."

Do you really give her a chance?
Most women believe, men have sex on their mind all the time. Jyoti Gupta, a Mumbai-based HR

Why women take backseat in sex? (Getty Images)

executive confesses, "I never have to worry about my sex life. My hubby doesn't even miss a single day without some sexual action. I enjoy getting intimate with him and I have no reason to worry about pleasing him because he's the one raring to go in bed. Sometimes, I feel that I take him for granted. I have seen so many friends of mine doing something or the other to seduce their guy and trying to get adventurous so as to boost his desire, but I never had the chance to do it as he is the one asking for it always. It does get boring at times."

Expert speak: Dr Himanshu Saxena, a relationship expert opines, "Men are more vocal about their sexual desires than women, that is one of the reasons they end up initiating sex almost always. Everybody loves to be on the receiving end and may be she doesn't mind it. So, if you want to turn the tables, then practice some self-control. Maybe for a couple of days, seduce her the way you always do. Wear the smell that she loves, give her a soothing massage, a luscious kiss, after you realize that she is getting turned on, gradually pull away. If you continue this for a few days, she might not be left with any option but to drag you to bed and take charge to sustain a night of pleasure."

He might make fun of me!
Some men are really critical when it comes to love-making and that is why their partners believe in just following the lead.

Sunaina Verma, a corporate communication manager with a firm adds, "I was seeing this guy for nearly two years. Though I was deeply in love with him, but he I felt his love-making skills were very amateurish. He was so focused on what he wanted that he usually used to forget my comfort levels. Therefore, to tell him what I wanted, I decided to take the lead one day. I had read that guys love being kissed all over while making out, but the trick didn't work for me. After 15-20 minutes of my hard work he said, 'don't treat me like candy, its no fun.' It was humiliating for me."

Expert speak: Dr Sameer Parekh, a noted psychiatrist says, "Everybody has their own comfort zones and pleasure points. If you do not like your beloved's love-making techniques, rather than making fun of her, tell her what makes you go week in the knees. Make love to her the way you want her to treat you. Criticizing her will only hurt and will not help either of you. If you don't behave properly, she might not ever dare to try anything new to please you."

Baby it hurts
The definition of enjoyment might be completely different for you and your wife.

Nita Sahni, a homemaker informs, "I got married a couple of months back. It almost took us a month for me to get completely at ease with my hubby. As a result of my fear of physical proximity, I used to withdraw from my hubby. I noticed a great deal of disappointment in my hubby because of that. I decided to keep silent about my discomfort and just go ahead with sex mechanically."

Expert speak: "Encountering pain during intercourse is the most common problem that most of couples face, but finding a solution is necessary. Sometimes the reason can be just change in sexual behavior or inadequate foreplay. But in some cases, you may have to seek medical help. Your partner might be suffering from a sexually transmitted disease. Therefore act responsibly and take note of what's bothering your better half," tells Dr Saxena.

Not tonight honey!
How often do you hear this? But merely blaming your partner for never being in the mood is

Why women take backseat in sex? (Getty Images)

not fair.

Sheela Oberoi, a school teacher says, "I am in my mid 30s, have a family to look after and a job that consumes nearly ten hours everyday. When I go back to my bedroom at 11 o'clock in the night, I am left with no energy to make hot love. May be my age has also affected my sex drive. Many times my hubby complains about it, but there is nothing I am able to do about my low sex drive."

Expert speak: "If your partner's interest in sex has dropped significantly, try to make make an effort to find out what is it that is responsible for the same. If it is just stress and fatigue, then you should find out ways to relive the mental tension. Be it a surprise vacation, an erotic massage or just an elongated conversation at a lavish dinner - try out diverse ways to take your lover's mind off the nitty gritties of life. And never forget to experiment in bed," suggests Dr Parekh.

She thinks it's a taboo
Do guys really think highly of girls who take the lead in sex? Many girls grow up with this question in their mind.

Sawati Arora, a bank employee says, "I am getting married in a few months, but I have no plans to take the lead in bed with my future hubby. My friends have made me believe that if I do so, he may think that I have had some past experience and may doubt my loyalty. According to the normal perception, guys are supposed to initiate things in bed and I plan to stick to the same."

Expert speak: Dr Mittal says, "Most of new age women also have this fact imprinted in their mind somewhere. So you should make all possible efforts to erase these doubts from her mind forever. On a date, try to talk to her about what turns her on and how eagerly you want her to an efforts to pamper you in bed. She may take sometime to get okay with the idea, but if you try to make her comfortable, soon she will express her desires in every possible way."

Employing the subtle tricks of seduction, patience and some sexperiment you are likely to get what you have been vying for.

Mind set: What are you worth?

2009-01-11T10:49:00.000-08:00

A Greek king once asked Solon, the renowned lawmaker, “Tell me, have I had a good life?” Solon replied: “No one

Wealth is not an absolute. (TOI Photo)

can say.”

The point that the jurist was making was that no life could be considered either happy or sad while that life was still continuing because a sudden reversal of fortune could, overnight, transform happiness into sorrow or sorrow into happiness.

The same holds true for financial fortune as well. As any good finance manager will tell you, all wealth is notional until you cash it in. For example, if you own shares or property, the value of these is only in the mind. You derive no immediate actual benefit from it. The value only gets actualized when you sell the property or shares and convert these into cash and exchange the cash for goods and services. Had you held on to these assets without cashing them in, their value would have always remained purely theoretical. They could have either gained or lost but without affecting the material quality of your life in any way. It is only when you cash in assets and convert them into money their value is actualized. However, even this cash value is relative.

First of all it is relative to individual status. For instance, a cash realization of say Rs 50,000 would be very significant and substantially change the lifestyle of someone whose net asset value was Rs 1 lakh. But an infusion of Rs 50,000 in cash would make no real difference to someone whose NAV (net asset value) was a crore, ten crore or one hundred crores of rupees.

This is not all. A lakhpati in the 1950s, for instance, was considered a wealthy person indeed. Today, many young IIM graduates are snapped up in jobs which start them on a salary of Rs 1 lakh-plus per month. Yet their sense of achievement or level of contentment might be at great variance with those of the previous generation who might have started with only a fraction of the amount of what youngsters in the same peer group earn today, and yet they probably experienced a far higher degree of fulfilment.

Money and wealth are not absolutes. They belong to the realm of relativity. Just as to a six-foot tall person someone who is of average height of five feet six inches is a ‘shorty’, but would be considered tall by someone who is four feet ten inches, there is no real person who is absolutely rich but is rich or not rich only in comparison to someone else. Which is why we have these voyeuristic “richie rich” lists grading individuals in terms of their guesstimated wealth. Such lists of course give you a distorted picture because to use the phrase of Jean Paul Getty who in the 1970s was considered one of the richest individuals in the world: “A billion isn’t just what it used to be.”

It’s not just that inflation debases currency. Technological, scientific and medical progress also alters the concept of wealth. For example, in Akbar’s time a heart surgery would have been out of the question even for the great Mughal himself. In the 1960s, a well-heeled, adequately insured person could easily afford such a procedure. Today such surgery is within reach of the middle class. Much the same can be said for goods and services as diverse as foreign travel, long distance communication, sanitary fittings and climate control systems.

Once we establish that profit and loss are part of the same process and actually not just two sides of the coin but often the same side of the coin, we’ll begin to put the current economic downturn into its proper perspective.

Even in the grip of this financial crisis the world, by and large, and most, if not all the individuals in it, are richer by far than they have ever been before in terms of access to food, shelter, medicare and other amenities of life.

This is what we need to bear in mind and not lose heart because someone tells us that Anil Ambani has developed a huge hole in his pocket where a fortune used to be. He is reported to have lost $30 billion in 2008 on account of sliding markets and is being described as topper in the list of ‘billionaire blowups’ of the year — in less than a year of being feted as the biggest ‘gainer’ in the world.

But Anil isn’t really poorer by so many thousands of crores any more than he is suddenly shorter by so many inches. Because, since wealth, like height, is not an absolute and can only be gauged in comparison to someone or something else, Anil’s so-called loss is compensated by the
fact that his peer group has equally lost. If everyone is made financially “shorter” by six inches, everyone ends up being of the same economic stature.

What is truth and what is untruth? Philosophers say that there is no such thing as an untruth because no truth is absolute. There are as many truths as there are perspectives. And every one of them could be right. To the host, the bottle is halfempty whereas to the guest, it is halffull. Both are right, of course.

Fortune and misfortune, loss and gain, they're not permanent states; neither is existence permanent. And going by the Anekantvad school of thought, existence itself has many sides; what we get out of it is what we make of it for truth is relative to the perspective.

So when things look bleak and you feel that the future holds nothing but ruin, remember Solon who saw that both sorrow and happiness are notional values — as are the financial ratings of an individual’s wealth on a “richie rich” list like that of Forbes that described Anil as the world’s biggest gainer before dubbing him as the world’s biggest loser even before the year ran out.

Eight ways to a woman's heart

2009-01-10T09:12:00.000-08:00

You've known her for long enough, been on several dates, long drives and candlelit dinners that are not new anymore. But when it comes to taking

Eight ways to a woman's heart (Getty images)

your relationship to the next level – you fumble, falter and just can't figure out how to make that vital first move. You are not alone, when it comes to getting intimate with a woman, most men don't know how to get the action kick started.

So, what should you do that lets your love interest know what's exactly on your mind without having to spill the beans to her? Answers relationship expert, Arvinder Kaur, "As goes the old adage 'actions speak louder than words' when it comes to winning your dream woman."

So, here are some real life tips to help you make your way into your lady love's heart and leaving her crave for more...

Start with being chivalrous
A common mistake that most men make is expecting to get a woman and explore her all at once! The truth is that by doing so, they would simply scare her off. To begin with, it is the art of touching a woman that matters most. Win her over it in a way that she gradually gets comfortable with your touch. You can begin by offering her your arm while walking down the street or gently touching her back as you open the door for her.
Arpit Kaushik (name changed on request), 34, a manager with a multi national company tells us his mantra to win a woman's heart. "I have dated at least four women since the time I was in college. One thing that I've learnt from my experience is that they pay a lot of attention to good manners and chivalry. They are not too comfortable with just about any acquaintance touching their body. So, you need to take it really slow. Once they are convinced that you respect them and value their consent before making a physical gesture, they'll trust you and your touch."

Agreeing with Kaushik, Naina Awasthi (name changed on request), a marketing professional adds, "Women certainly have a sense of judgment when it comes to a man touching her. I would certainly not appreciate a person who I am not comfortable with to kiss me or take me to bed right away. Women like guys who take their time getting to know her mind first before graduating to the next level."

The whispering game
Why not be different when it comes to making the first move? Instead of kissing her right on her lips, try sharing a secret. "When whispering sweet nothings to your girl, speak in a sexy way as women tend to pay more attention to your tone rather than what you say. Deepen your voice, speak slowly and with conviction. Take care not to make it too dramatic," suggests Sunil Garg, an expert on sex-related issues.

Mohit Malviya (name changed on request), 29, who works with a call centre in Gurgaon adds, "My girlfriend loves me whispering in her ear. It really turns her on. I think most women like men who are expressive and generous with compliments. So, I always make it a point to tease my girl by whispering something like, 'You look sexy tonight' or 'Want to go back home?' if we are at a party. It works for me."

"Ears are an erogenous part of the female body. Murmured words have a greater impact than a high-pitched or loud voice. A soft and subtle voice is a sure shot way to turn on a woman," explains Garg.

Did you know that giving her clues or teasing her about having sex can be the first step to 'actually' having

Eight ways to a woman's heart (Getty images)

it? Unfortunately, some men tend to blurt out their sexual desires and end up portraying themselves as creepy. So, instead of being overtly direct in your conversation, try dropping sexual hints. For instance, if she tells you that you are good at driving, tell her you are good at several things and see the magic working for you.

Gautam Acharya (name changed on request), 28, an IT professional says, "I was madly in love with a girl whom I met at my gym. I was very attracted to her and we soon became friends. I proposed to her after a couple of months and we started dating. I knew it right from the beginning that she wasn't the kind of person who would let me get close to her too soon. So I started behaving as if she was trying to hit on me. If she ever asked me to drop her home, I teased her by saying, 'Oh! So you're trying to get too close to me?' She just loved it. And surprisingly, soon after she was the one who made the first move."

Manmeet Bhalla, a marriage and relationship counselor opines, "Most women are hesitant to discuss sex with a man they are not comfortable with. If the man is too bold or turns the conversation directly towards sex, chances are he would lose her. So, it's advisable to take things slow and hint to her indirectly that you are interested in her."

Patience is a virtue!
Patience is truly a virtue when it comes to winning your woman. Teasing her in the right ways and keeping her waiting will make her want more of you. Keep her anticipating. Hold her as if you were just about to kiss her, gently move your fingers through her hair and then whisper tenderly in her ear, but don't kiss her just yet. Women just love men who possess self-control. Set the stage and hold back for a while. Don't be surprised if she grabs you soon after!

Nikhil Meheshwari (name changed on request), 32, who works with a telecom company in Mumbai confesses, "I firmly believe that patience is the key. When I am in the mood for some action, all I need to do is tempt my wife. I make the first move, turn her on and playfully leave it mid-way. And most of the times, she comes back to me, vying for more."

Namrata Chabbra (name changed on request), 26, a software professional adds, "My husband tempts me to turn me on. It's certainly a lot of fun. And I must say that one needs a lot of will power to be patient when it comes to making love."

Get naughty, play games
Look for ways to get closer to her – whether it's helping her learn a sport or turning on some soothing music and asking her out for a dance. Also, take care not to be too boring in your conversation – don't ask predictable questions. Instead of being a dud, ask her something like, "What's your zodiac sign?" Add something like, "You know what they say about Taureans?"

Vikram Motwani (name changed on request), 27, who works with a private bank in Delhi observes, "My girlfriend gets turned on with things I could never even have thought of. At times, it is a romantic dance in a crowded party or swimming together on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I try to find out new ways to get her in the mood and keep the passion alive."

"Most women love men who are unpredictable and experimental – somebody who is always willing to do different things to win her heart. This technique also helps couples from keeping monotony and boredom out of their relationship," adds Manmeet.

Meet at your place
Are you used to picking her up from her home and then dropping her there? Next time, try inviting her for dinner

Eight ways to a woman's heart (Getty images)

at your place instead, saying, "Want to test my culinary skills?" But don't let her believe that it's 'only sex on your mind'. Accuse her of being naughty. Say things that can turn around the tables with her wanting to get into action, rather than vice versa.

Sharing his idea of a perfect date, Harsh Sinha (name changed on request), who works with a multi-national company in Noida, confesses, "There's no better place to get intimate with a woman rather than your own house, especially if you are living alone. I have tried it several times and my girlfriend feels more comfortable at my place than anywhere else."

Shreya Mehrotra (name changed on request), 25, who works in Pune says, "My boyfriend always plays pranks on me. He would pick me up from my place, tell me he wants to surprise me and would then drive down to his place. But it is fun being alone at his place. He makes me feel very comfortable and knows exactly what turns me on."

Take charge of her
Once the stage is set and you are ready for action, hold her tight. Often, women are insecure about getting too close, too soon. So, take charge and make her feel comfortable. Let your hands to the talking. If she's reluctant of you touching her, just gently hold her hand and place it on your waist. Don't be surprised if she takes charge of you from there on...

Rajiv Kamath, 30, who works with an IT company in Hyderabad says, "I think the best way to make a woman feel comfortable is to go step by step, rather than rushing. My wife loves it when I take the lead and take charge of her. Taking command of the situation and then giving yourself to her – is what works for me."

Psychologist Archana Nanda opines, "It's very important to make a woman feel comfortable before getting close to her. It is also important to take care not to be too demanding, too soon. Once, a woman trusts you enough; she herself will surrender to you."

Be a 'gentleman'
All said and done, don't force yourself upon a woman. Just because you are in the mood for some naughty action, doesn't mean that she is ready for it too. Give her ample time to believe that you are the right guy for her before taking things one step further. Once she is convinced, nothing can hold her back from falling in your arms.

Abhay Mittal, 35, a businessman adds, "It's important to be gentle with a woman. You can't just force yourself upon her until she is ready. What my wife appreciates most about me is that I give her enough space and time to get in the mood, rather than insisting on having sex. Sex should be mutual and not forced."

"Respect is inevitable in a relationship. Until both partners are ready for sex, it's unfair to impose things on him/her. It's also important to communicate your feelings or desires to your partner to strengthen the bonding between you," adds Archana.

Top ten sex romps

2009-01-10T09:11:00.000-08:00

Are you always complaining that your sex life is running out of steam? Well, what’s stopping you from getting adventurous and innovative?

In the kitchen (Getty Images)

Charge up your sex life using this list of the 10 craziest places to fool around...or you could get inspired and think of a few of your own!

1. On the couch: After the bed, the couch in the living room is screaming for attention. And the best part...it’s comfy too. The cushions work as a support system to get those curves and arches to enjoy the perfect moves, while the lack of space will keep up the intimacy levels. Want some more action? Put on a wild flick on video and you have a perfect mood maker!
Word of caution: Watch out your moves, going out of control is injurious...for the couch of course!

2. In the bathtub: Things can get real hot even in a cool bath tub. For the ultimate romantic experience, arrange for a bubble bath with aromatic rose petals and passion perfume. Add some mood lighting, splash a few drops of ‘ylang ylang’ essential oil and be certain that the sensuous experiment will lead to some supah hot sex.
Word of caution: Check out the water temperature, you don’t want to end up with painful blisters or a frozen lover...isn’t?

3. In the kitchen: Be it 91/2 Weeks or Fatal Attraction , the kitchen has borne witness to quite a number of sexapades. The sturdy surfaces and shelves offer great support, especially for stand-up acts, while the feeling of being at an unconventional place pumps up the excitement to newer heights. And how can you miss the yummy treats your kitchen is loaded with? Eat them, but off each other’s hot bods. Think chocolate, cream, jams and jellies!
Word of caution: Know the stuff you are eating and applying...some edibles are good only to eat. So watch out for allergies!

4. In the pool: Though not many are privileged to have one in the confines of their home, if you are one of the lucky few, make the most of it. Challenge your swimming skills and get under for into some underwater escapades. Who said that the inflatable water turtle is meant only for tanning, use it for some steamy adventure...ride it together and get a new high!
Word of caution: You need not be swimming champs, but fairly decent floating skills are definitely expected to get into the water-y fun.

5. In the car: Yes it’s crammed, but it’s cosy too. A quickie in the backseat can rekindle the excitement that you felt during your heady college days. Put on some romantic retro tracks and switch on the AC. Don’t fret, it won’t cool down the passion. When the place is different, the position can’t be a drab. It’s tough to adjust facing each other, but turning the world around can definitely help...hope you got the clue!
Word of caution: Just be careful where you park...you don’t want to get busted!

6. In the dressing room: How about catching her unawares in the dressing room of a store? Sounds dangerous but thrilling too! The fear of getting caught will only add to the sensual experience, while the lack of time is perfect to give you a never before quickie. Thinking comfort? Sorry! All you have is a stool...let him stand as you take charge!
Word of caution: Making noise is not allowed here and do take care of hidden cameras and key-holes.

7. The stairs: If you are thinking they can be a pain to one’s body, think again, as they can be adventurous too. After all, they can give you those highs and lows, especially when the girl is comparatively short.
Word of caution: Don’t get really aggressive if getting cramps in your lower back is not on your mind.

8. On the roof : Yes, this can be a great playground; the gentle moonlight, a cool breeze to caress your passionate entwinings. Pep it up with some paper lamps or scented candles and light music, which will just add to the mood. You have all the space to set the ball rolling...so go ahead and explore her contours under a starry sky.
Word of caution: No physical risks are involved...but just take care of peeping Toms around.

9. In a sleeping bag: Nothing could bring you as close as that sleeping bag that’s meant for a single person and is loaded with two! Why not get into some naughty action and add to a fun-filled camping trip? Instead of the normal position, turn around and have some fun from behind. Talk about kinky fantasies!
Word of caution: Zip the bag properly, you don’t want end up killing insects in the mid of the act.

10. On a plane: You can try the toilet and if that’s too cramped, the seat in a Business or First class cabin. Some airliners with long-haul flights now boast of recliner seats that go as flat as a bed. Take a flight of fantasy.
Word of caution: Don’t try it if you already have flight phobia and take care of people lining-up outside the loo.

Hot ans sexy Lindy lips

2009-01-09T02:41:00.001-08:00

Landy Lips hot Image

2009-01-09T01:25:00.000-08:00

More sex in 2009, predict visionaries

2009-01-03T09:29:00.001-08:00

If last year was not so ‘rocking’ for you, then stand by for some good news – there’s going to be a lot of bedroom action

More sex in 2009, predict visionaries (Getty images)

in 2009!

Yes, you heard it right, people are in for a lot of sex in the New Year – and the reason is, women's growing economic power. The power around the world will give them more choices, and one of those choices, apparently, will be to have more sex, reports the Courier Mail.

The prediction is contained in The Futurist magazine which compiles the forecasts and predictions of assorted visionaries.

Perhaps that has some bearing on another forecast: "Americans may turn away from antidepressants." According to the anthropologist who made this prediction, the 100-million antidepressant prescriptions, Americans take "kill the sex drive" but many may quit taking them.

There's a cautionary forecast, though, "Saving snakes may save ourselves." The venom of snakes may have undiscovered medicinal properties but many species are endangered. Also, included in the prediction list is: "Flying cars may be on the way at last."

More sex in 2009, predict visionaries

2009-01-03T09:29:00.000-08:00

If last year was not so ‘rocking’ for you, then stand by for some good news – there’s going to be a lot of bedroom action

More sex in 2009, predict visionaries (Getty images)

Add colours to your sex life!

2009-01-03T09:18:00.000-08:00

Today's hectic lifestyle demands more of everything - more money, more education and more effort to keep the sparks alive in your relationship.

Colour therapy for a better sex life! (Getty Images)

We have heard all about sensual lingerie, exotic aroma oils, aphrodisiacs and if nothing works, Viagra; but there's another uncharted element in the art of seduction that can bring the zing back to your love life – colours.

Contrary to popular belief, enjoying a great sex life is not all about possessing technical skills. Sexual desire is one of the most difficult factors to define, for the simple reason that it is more psychological than physiological. Far removed from the humdrum of family rooms and busy kitchens, the bedroom is your love nest. This space, with its softened textures, serene artwork, and muted patterns, should intimately capture the warmth of intimacy and here comes the roles of great interiors and sensual colours. We explore...

Expert speak
Kalpana Arora, Feng Shui expert, elucidates the significance of an elite colour scheme as she says, "a positively charged Feng Shui bedroom is a bedroom which promotes the harmonious flow of nourishing and sensual energy. The colours of this room should be such that they invite you, lure you in, excite and calm at the same time."

Feng Shui consultant Rajat Chawla adds, "Besides catering to the couple's most intimate moments, a bedroom is the place where we relax and because of this it is considered as Yin (quiet) energy. Most practitioners recommend bright red (yang) or bright pinks for a passionate relationship; however, make sure it is as per the elements in that particular area. If you are not seeking advice from a professional Feng Shui consultant, I would recommend yin colours such as pastel shades and nothing too bright or loud. The same applies to bed covers and furniture."

Vijay Singh, a Delhi-based colour therapist, further reveals the importance of colours by explaining the nitty-gritty of the most unexplored healing technique – colour therapy. "Each individual has a different emotional, psychological and physiological response to a particular colour. They are a snapshot of our personalities and our general make-up. We study those behaviours and then suggest the best colour combination that can best resolve the problems of a couple. There's no 'one best color' for everyone"

The mystic angle
Surprising, as it may sound, but selecting colours for your love den have a spiritual side to them as well. As Aura reader Manaswi Verma Sanwal explains, "Shades of our auras reflect our moods and we can change the same by adding a bit of colour to our lives. You can use colours to try to compensate for what you're missing. For example, if you are newly married and haven't gained the confidence to take charge in bed, try a good, strong red (bring it in sheets, lingerie or even lipstick). Red is the base colour, it's go-getting, sexy and powerful. And if you think a new blusher isn't going to change your life, think again for even small, subtle things can help. The choice of colours is a conscious decision, and a spiritual one as well."

Latest Kisses image here

2008-11-07T10:31:00.000-08:00

Kiss From a Rose - Multi-couple best kisses

2008-10-25T03:49:00.000-07:00

best kisses from the best couples! really cute with 38 different couples! couples (in order) *alex izzie ~ greys anatomy *logan veronica ~ veronica mars *derek meredith ~ greys anatomy *fritz gray ~ catch and release *pacey joey ~ dawsons creek *lucas peyton ~ one tree hill *logan jean ~ xmen

The best kiss (kisses) of TV and Movies

2008-10-25T03:46:00.000-07:00

Song: Darren Hayes - Insatiable Being a hopeless romantic, I put this vid together for the rest of those like myself to enjoy. I would love constructive criticism to learn more, so please comment! Also, check out my new video!

2008-08-15T06:19:00.000-07:00

How to Kiss

A kiss is one of the most intimate and sensuous things you can experience with another person. Unfortunately, while there’s no “right” way to kiss, many people experience anxiety about kissing or don’t know how to ask for a kiss. Fear not! Whether you’re getting ready for your first kiss, or you’re an experienced kisser and just want to improve your game for your first kiss with a new partner, you’ve come to the right place.

1. Be kissable. Use lip balm or vaseline, especially if your lips tend to get dry and chapped. Soft lips are simply more inviting. Most importantly, nobody wants to kiss someone with bad breath, so carry some breath mints or gum with you, especially if you’re going out on a date. Breath mints are preferable, because you can use them in a pinch and not have to worry about getting rid of them. Be sure to stay hydrated, because a dry mouth is more likely to have bad breath. If you're going to a movie where candy a treats are necessary, bring an extra pack of gum. Drink water; other drinks (especially sweet ones) can leave an aftertaste that'll affect your breath, and some drinks (like milk) will linger in a bad way. Also, don't drink anything colored that might leave a ring around your mouth.

2.Test the waters. Pay attention to signals that the other person is into you and is ready for a kiss. Do they brush up against you or frequently enter your personal space with playful, innocent touches? Has the subject of kissing come up in conversation? If you haven’t noticed any of these signals, but the person does seem “into you,” try discreetly and innocently breaking the touch barrier (guys will generally be very receptive to this, many girls might not). The key is to be subtle and to watch the other person’s reaction.

o Offer a mint, only after you've just had one. This can let the other person know what's on your mind, unless you offer them mints all the time.
o Glance at his or her lips. Don't stare, and don't do this when they're talking about something that's important to them.
o Kiss her hand. How does she respond? If you're a girl, you can kiss a guy's hand, but it tends to have a submissive connotation, where as when a guy does it to a girl, it seems sweet.

3.Wait for the right moment. There’s usually no hurry for a kiss, especially a first kiss with someone, so be patient and wait until the mood is right. Some good times are at a romantic movie after or during an on screen kiss, walking in the moonlight, or during a particularly intimate conversation. Wait until the two of you are alone so that the other person will feel more comfortable and so that nobody will see if your attempt to kiss is rejected. Many girls (and guys) don't want to be asked: they prefer that you be confident enough to take a risk and just go for it. One way to do so is to stop whatever you’re doing and silently look into the person’s eyes for a moment or two. Touch their face, then gently pull him/her toward you for a kiss. If the person pulls away or hesitates at any time, he or she is not ready for a kiss. If this happens, tell them that you want to give them a hug and go for that.

4. Approach for the kiss. Approach slowly and smoothly. Depending on your starting position you may need only to turn your head, or you may need to lean in a bit. You may want to use your hands to gently urge your partner’s body or head into position—you just want to guide his or her movement a little, you don’t want to forcibly move any part of his or her body or hold your partner in an uncomfortable position—but in general you just want to position yourself correctly and let your partner meet you. As you near your partner’s lips, maintain eye contact. You may want to close your eyes after your lips meet to heighten the sensuality of the kiss (and to avoid staring at the pores on his or her face).

5.Kiss gently. There are many kinds of kisses, from quick pecks to sweet, passionate kisses. There’s a time and place for all of these, but your first kiss with someone should be gentle and romantic. Don’t press your mouth onto your partner’s--just let your lips meet--and don’t try to push your tongue into his or her mouth. When your lips meet, pucker them and give a kiss, then smile and pull away a little, keeping your head close to your partner’s. If your partner moves to kiss you back or seems to like it and doesn’t pull away, go in for another kiss, this one a little firmer and longer. Put your hands on their face or around their shoulders.
6. Make the kiss the reason for the kiss. Some people seem to treat kisses as nothing more than a prelude to something else, and will try to quickly move into French kissing or start putting their hands in inappropriate places. Good kissers concentrate on the kiss, and they kiss, at least seemingly, expecting nothing more. Enjoy the experience, and don’t move too fast. Live in the moment. You will not kiss as well if your mind is somewhere else. For example, when kissing, try to avoid thoughts like "What is he/she thinking about?", "Do I look good tonight?", or anything else. Don't be too self-conscious, or have ANY thoughts outside the kiss if you can help it. Instead, concentrate on the way the other person's lips feel against yours.

[edit] Tips
• Be polite and patient. Don't expect a kiss on the first date. If you act polite, your partner might go out with you again and then you might get a kiss once he or she is more comfortable with you. That said, as you get a little older, people become more comfortable with kissing and it’s polite to gently try to kiss your partner if your date has gone well. If you don’t, he or she might think you’re not interested. Just keep in mind that trying to kiss someone is not the same as expecting to kiss someone. If your partner isn’t into it, politely respect that.
• Experiment. Over time, you’ll want to try a variety of different kisses for different moods and times. Change it up to keep things interesting. For more information read up on how to French Kiss and how to Kiss Passionately.
• Learn from your mistakes if you can - sometimes the timing is bad or the approach too forceful - and approach your next opportunity confidently.
• Make sure your hair is out of your face.

Special Kisses Image

2008-08-15T05:57:00.000-07:00