Higher earning women tend to do more housework

Women who contribute more to the household finances, as compared to their husbands or partners, tend to do more housework, according to

Higher earning women tend to do more housework

a study.

Led by Janeen Baxter and Belinda Hewitt, of the University of Queensland, the study showed that women contributing 70 per cent or more of the weekly income start doing more housework rather than less.

They put in a little more time cleaning and cooking than a woman who contributes half to the family finances.

The study has shown that as women’s earnings increase compared with their husbands'', they gain more leverage over who does the housework.

"No one wants to do housework but it has to be done. But as a woman earns more money, it gives her more say over how much domestic work she has to do," Theage.com.au quoted Hewitt, as saying.

However, in few Australian households - about 5 per cent - where women contribute 70 per cent or more to the budget, other sensitivities come into play.

"For these women, doing extra housework is about compensating for their husbands not fulfilling the traditional male breadwinner role," said Hewitt.

The research is based on 1306 married and partnered couples drawn from the Household Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia survey.

Casual sex: Feel good factor

Actress Sherlyn Chopra confessed her need for casual sex as a boost to her self worth. The starlet was quoted as saying she doesn't mind a

Does sex on-the-side give you the much needed kick? (Getty Images)

one-night-stand and if the sex is great, she would feel good about herself.

Aanchal Mehra, a management student agrees, "It's not about being promiscuous, but having sex with a stranger can actually lift your mood. It happened with me once when I was going through a very low phase. I went to a friend's party and hooked up with this guy. We had a blast that night and the next day we parted as friends. I felt desirable and wanted once again, and frankly I felt very happy."

The trend is recent and something that picks up from the frantic pace of urban living. Often hectic schedules and lack of socialising leaves one feeling adrift and sidelined. Thus people draw support in whichever form they can or so observes, psychologist Surendra Mehta, Care clinic, "Casual sex is on the rise because of factors like loneliness, peer pressure, living away from one's home. It happens when there's no faith left in oneself. Think of someone who doesn't have a great job or a fulfilling relationship or lacks friends to bail him/her out in times of crisis. It is then that they fall on measures that they assume can lift their spirits for some time. Sex is more like an addiction just as people tend to eat a lot when depressed."

Women don't get carried away:
Hollywood too swears by the benefits of casual sexual encounters. Leading actress Cameron Diaz for instance recently stated that there isn't a better way to get back in shape than hitting the sack. Studies too have revealed that women are less likely to regret an impromptu fling, if they feel gratified sexually afterwards. Most women don't equate a romp in the sack with a walk down the aisle. Surveys reveal that over 52 per cent believe their most recent casual encounter to be 'just a one-time thing'.

Says actor/anchor Pooja Bedi, "Having sex with someone you don't love doesn't necessarily mean you are committing a grave sin. The best part of today's society is that it is beginning to accept female sexuality. People have various things to lift their spirits, this is one of them, so be it, and it's human after all to crave for touch. And women, just like men want to enjoy their bodies. So there isn't anything wrong in indulging in casual sex as long as you know where to draw the line."

Manish Singh, a software professional, points out, "I think the key is that everyone wants to matter, especially to their sex partners. We have created a world in which we treat sex as a private recreational activity, with no moral or social significance. But when sex is a recreational activity, my partner becomes equivalent to a consumer good. And we all know what we do with consumer goods that cease to satisfy us beyond a point, we get rid of them. In this world of consumer sex, it is socially acceptable to find pleasure with people you don't love. But yes, no one likes to end up feeling used."

Casual sex to reduce boredom
Doctors claim that a session in bed with an unknown face can actually spice up your personal life. Although none would advise it, but the fact remains that it jolts you back out of your boredom and pushes you to being innovative. Says a doctor on condition of anonymity, "I have had patients who find no interest in having sex with their husbands/wives. In fact, they complain of being turned off by the very thought of it. However, a torrid fling outside marriage breathes new life into a sagging relationship with one's spouse. Does it really matter if you get back your stamina and feel good about yourself, even if your spouse was unaware of what went on behind his back?"

A recent study done by the University of Chicago on the sexual lives of adults reveals that housewives bored by their routine look for affairs outside their marriage. In fact, a one-night-stand often reignites the lost spark that may have gotten snuffed out due to marriage and monotony, a la Tabu who played the rebellious wife in the Mahesh Manjrekar's film Astitva.

The real picture
However not all is as hunky dory as you would like to believe. As Mehta puts it, "Sex with no strings attached is

Does sex on-the-side give you the much needed kick? (Getty Images)

a great way to regain your confidence. However, not many people can sustain it. There comes point when you begin to see the worthlessness of the whole enterprise. Despite how much we claim to be liberated, people need a caring relationship all the time. Sex is an act that is over in minutes and cannot ever replace emotions like love and care."

Neerja Tanna (name changed), a journalist, reveals, "I completely believed in casual sex and felt good about it. But there came a point when I began to dread the act. It wasn't the act per se, but the time when it would get over. If the sex wasn't great, it was ok; but when it was exceptionally good, it was difficult to extract myself from that situation. And how do I not look forward to meeting that person again? So in a way I started feeling petrified about having sex with just about anyone."

According to psychologist Suparna Puri, women often get attached while having sex. The hormone Oxytocin or the attachment hormone makes them feel closer to their partner. So she advises, "Be clear about who you want to indulge yourself with". Puri believes it's alright to be daring and adventurous, but warns that the high doesn't last for long. Soon there is a sense of wanting to pull out and starting again.

As Tanna recalls, "I don't believe in casual sex anymore. Because I believe there is more to it than just plain fun. So today I have decided to seek pleasure and adventure in other things. And sex can wait till I get married." Well point taken.

Male Power
In this entire cry about women and sex, it seems men are completely pushed away from the limelight. Could the reason be that sex gets easily associated with men and thus requires not much thought? Says Atul Suri,a consultant with an MNC, "A general conception is that men are more interested in sex. However, I think nowadays women are also free spirited while men are becoming conservative. I can indulge in sexual activities with anyone, but I don't want to. My friends of course do, but I think their outlook is changing as well. Today a guy wants to be just a one-woman-man, both physically and mentally."

Explains Puri, "For men it is no longer about sex and affairs. Men today concentrate on developing healthy relationships with the opposite sex. That could also arise from the fact that they are aware that the society is open to men having casual sex, so it isn't a big deal. However for women to do the same there is the pleasure of breaking barriers and also a sense of power. So it's more of women wanting to try out new things and explore areas so far a taboo to them."

The balance though is heavily tilted towards women. And though the freedom of body is a heady feeling, yet there are certain precautions to be kept in mind:

1. Get yourself checked for AIDS and STD frequently if you are indulging in casual sex.

2. Always, always use a condom or other precautions while having sex.

3. Having a one-night-stand is okay as long as you are consciously aware of what you are doing. You don't want to fall into the wrong hands and get beaten up.

4. Steer clear of strangers who you think come across as "weird". It is better to follow your gut than being sorry later.

5. If you are someone who gets carried away emotionally, then such affairs are definitely not for you.

6. Men take heed and check the background of the person you are going out with. You could easily be led to drugs if you don't watch out.

7. If you feel any kind of discomfort physically after an intercourse, see a doctor immediately.

8. Visit a psychiatrist if you think you are going through an emotional vacuum and need help.

9. Speak to friends, family and close ones if you think your loneliness is the reason for you to hunt partners.

10. Believe in love and care because nothing works better than these.

‘Teen-proof’ room cuts out the clutter

The days of teenagers' messy bedrooms may finally be over, courtesy an Edinburgh-based company, which has designed a room they

‘Teen-proof’ room cuts out the clutter

can’t ruin.

Design firm IDP claims to have created the ‘teen-proof’ bedroom, which provides solution for the cluttered spaces that have enraged parents for decades, reports the Scotsman.

It features drawing pin friendly fabric wallpaper; a wipe-clean desk; a swivel chair with secret pockets for stashing chocolate and electronic gizmos; stain-resistant carpets; and enough space under the bed to hide a mountain of clothes and computer games and still leave room for a set of iPod speakers.

Gilly Corkery of IDP said: "It was an incredibly challenging project. How do you counteract the natural messiness of teenagers?"

The room includes shelves tailored to the size of CDs, along with compartments in the bed space so that electronic equipment such as stereos or PlayStations can be plugged in – great for easy access when the teens are still lounging in bed at noon.

The room will be exhibited at the Homes & Interiors Scotland Exhibition at the SECC in Glasgow next weekend.

The design firm is keeping some details a closely guarded secret – just releasing a rough sketch of a suspiciously tidy-looking room and a sample of some dog-themed furniture decor.

Corkery, who modelled the design on the taste and habits of her son Jamie, 12, said: "We've tried to do little quirky things that teenagers will think are quite cool," says

"No self-respecting teenager wants to move for too long so we’ve designed a desk chair which has a pocket where they can keep a remote control, their iPod, pens, chocolate or whatever, without having to move.

“Then there’s the upholstery fabric on the walls, which means they can put posters up with drawing pins without leaving a mark," Corkery added.

Make fantasy sharing more exciting

With sexual fantasies giving a much-needed kick to your sex life, it’s a common practice for couples to harbour these desires. But when it comes

Make fantasy sharing more exciting

to sharing them with their respective partners, a lot of couples feel apprehensive about baring their soul.

Naughty or child-like, wild or porn-inspired, simple or out-of-the-box, the innate nature of sexual fantasies varies for different couples. But unless you share them with your lover, it’s futile to expect that they can bring changes to your sexual paradise. Couples also need to realise that there’s nothing wrong in harbouring a sexual fantasy as it’s absolutely normal.

Gitanjali Sharma, a relationship counselor explains, “You can directly communicate to your partner about what’s on your mind on a particular night. But your fantasy is not attached here. So an appropriate way to make fantasy sharing creative is to give small hints, signals and signs for your lover to catch. This way you would neither feel shy nor will it appear that you are directly asking for something. At the same time, an atmosphere will be created and your message will be conveyed. Consequently, your partner would be aroused too.”

Partners who feel shy expressing their sexual desires might not get the desired pleasure in bed. So it’s important to exchange these sexual talks with your partner and make it a normal feature of your relationship.

Giranjali further adds, “While sharing or expressing your sexual fantasies, do not send out the message that it’s your need and your partner has to perform them like an obligatory duty. Make an effort to arouse the same desire in them as well, so that both of you will be at same wavelength while performing the act, which is more pleasurable.’

Shedding all inhibitions and making fantasy sharing a simpler task in a relationship, we suggest some easy ways out to open up with your partner...

A recorded tape can say it all : You would have seen this in Bollywood flicks, but a romantic message recorded in your voice can hit your partner’s moan zones the way you want it to. If you feel shy narrating your fantasy in front of your partner, just record it and as soon you proceed towards the bedroom for an intimate session, play the tape and let the passion be felt like never before.

Expert tip : Dr. Anupam Randhawa, a clinical psychologist says, “It’s a great experience to listen to your mate’s voice and when the message being heard is sexual in nature, it’s an icing on the cake. But make sure that while recording, you don’t end up with a long message because it may not sustain your partner’s interest. So, keep it short, spicy and say exactly what you feel.”

Nothing beats the visual medium : Actions can say a lot more than what you think. So make the most of them. If you’re hesitant in communicating your sexual fancies, just seek help from a visual medium. Either pick certain scenes from a movie or let the not-so-realistic porn convey your desires to your partner.

Expert tip : Dr. Amita Mishra, sex and relationship expert shares, “It’s evident that watching erotic videos can give a much desired push to your sexual senses and leave you craving for more. Sharing your sexual fantasy through a visual medium adds more joy to you lovemaking session. You can even perform the act while the video is being played simultaneously to make it more stimulating.”

Aphrodisiacs are in : You might have been cooking dishes that your beau loves, but if you wish to derive benefit out if it, think beyond! Use a lot of strawberries, cherries, kiwi, cream, nuts, red jellies and mango slices to tempt your partner and throw hints that you are charged up for a steamy romp.

Expert tip : Dr. Medha Sharma, a relationship counselor opines, “Whenever you step out of the closet and are creative, it will always add to your sexual bliss. Let the ingredients and the flavour of the dish highlight your sexual desires and then it’s for your partner to figure out that you’re looking forward to a night of passion.”

Say it in bits and pieces : For individuals who aren’t extroverted by nature, it might appear to be a tough task to say everything about their sexual desires at once. So try dividing the entire episode into small parts and let the messages be conveyed to your partner after short intervals throughout the day.

Expert tip : “As you continue sharing tiny features about your sexual fantasy with your partner throughout the day, it will also act as an add-on to their mood. As they sum up all the messages, they will have a clear understanding as to what you expect from them, thus guaranteeing a gratifying act,” feels Dr. Randhawa.

Let your gestures do the talking : Remember that your body language can reveal a lot about you, which you may not put across in words. At least when it comes to letting your partner learn your fantasies, this is the ultimate weapon, where your body says much about what you expect in bed.

Expert tip : “Passing sexual hints is an effective medium to communicate what’s running through your mind. Make sure that you are articulate enough in your moves to make your partner understands and catches the right signals,’ suggests Dr. Amita.

A written letter below the pillow : The idea may seem conventional, but if your sex life is going through a rough patch, it may be a blessing in disguise. When nothing else seems to be working, the best way to converse with your partner is through written words. And not to forget, you can be over-expressive too while penning down your sexual desires.

Expert tip : “Love notes with naughty messages and your sexual fantasy written down in detail can serve the purpose. Though saying it verbally casts a different impact altogether, but if you play well with your words or try being a bit poetic in approach, it can certainly bring ultimate pleasure,” states Dr. Medha.

Try new combinations, be creative in life

A young boy left his home in search of truth. He met many people; he became richer in awareness of

Try new combinations, be creative in life (Getty Images)

his ignorance.

Since people went to forests to meditate, he too went to a thick forest. He did not know how to meditate. So he screamed at the forest to give him knowledge. For years his only mantra was screaming at the forest to give him knowledge. He believed that if you are committed, existence will help you.

One day, a monk came to him. He asked: "What do you want, my son?" "I want to know what the meaning of life is," he replied. "Go to the town. The first three persons that you meet will give you the meaning of life," the monk replied.

The boy went to the town. The first man he met was doing carpentry work. The next man he met was doing sheet metal work. The third man he met was making strings. Disappointed, he sat on the bank of a river. Suddenly, he heard the sweet strains of violin music. Something mysterious touched him. He suddenly got the answer he was looking for and he started dancing.

The carpenter was preparing the wood for the violin. The sheet metal worker was preparing metal for the strings and the strings were meant for the violin. Life has everything; all you need is to be able to connect the dots. You need to work out new combinations. And for that you need creative perception.

Life has all the ingredients. Be creative. Don't let yourself feel victimised. You might think that what is easy is beautiful, that what is easy is joy. You are a victim of such illusions. Difficulty has such a joy. Discovery has such a joy. Seeking out has such a joy.

You have to change the notion that difficulty is pain. In exercise, there is difficulty but also joy. In sports, there is difficulty but there is joy. In your relationships, when there is difficulty, treat it as joy. Just reprogramme your mind.

In prayer you don't have to do anything; just be available to God's grace. Prayer is a deep readiness to receive God's flow. It is passive alertness. Go deep and you discover your original mind... it is deep passiveness. A greedy mind is richer than a Buddha, but rich with desires and greed; so a Buddha is 'poorer' than you are. The Bible says: "Blessed are the poor for theirs is the kingdom of God."

When someone asked Buddha what he attained through his enlightenment, he said: "I did not gain but I lost. I lost my ignorance, my dreams, my dogmas, my likes and dislikes, my ambitions."

You can live in two ways ^ mechanical or meditative. The meditative way involves you being more aware; that awareness is passive alertness. When you are passively alert, you will realise that you are born free; you are not condemned to be not free. You have choices and that is your freedom. When there is no freedom there are no choices.

Be more meditative and you will make the right choices that will make you grow rather than feel trapped. Substance abuse is a bad choice. This is a mechanical way of living. But the choice is before you.

If you choose wisely you are in paradise. When you are eating, meditatively eat. Then eating will be a paradise. Totally be in your eating. When you take a bath, be total in taking your bath and a different paradise opens up. Next, bring in love energy into whatever you do... feel your inner being.

With the energy of silence, be total. You realise that you will be a moving heaven rather than a moving hell.

Sex-exercises to keep you fit

While it may seem hard to take out time to hit the gym for a workout session, very few people know that indulging in a sweat-inducing sex

Its official: Sex is the best exercise (Getty Images)

session is equally beneficial.

It not only helps burning extra calories, but also allows couples to perform routine exercises and also enjoy sexual pleasure. What else can couples ask for!

Dr. Basheer Ahmad Roy, a Bangalore-based sex specialist states, “Almost all muscles including the legs, thighs, arms, shoulders and lower abdomen are worked upon during a sexual interaction. Anything that is done for the body should be done for at least 15 minutes and a sex session may not stretch for this long. So couples need to pay extra attention that if they wish to derive additional health benefits from sexual positions, they need to prolong sexual activity right from foreplay to the climax state.”

Apart from the fact that sex brings relief from headaches, reduces depression and tranquilises the mind, leads to glowing hair and skin etc, it’s also true that many sexual positions double up as easy workouts.

Dr. Shivi Jaggi, a Delhi-based sexologist asserts, “Sex helps burning a lot of calories. Different positions in which partners participate as per their comfort level lead to a fit body. A few complex positions that require more of physical strength and involve more work lead to weight-loss and exercising of muscles. Intensity of movements and duration of sex make a lot of difference.

Here are some lovemaking positions, which will let you stretch the most important muscle groups in your body...

Missionary position (Man on top)
In the Indian context, more than 90 per cent of couples indulge in the missionary position in bed, which seems to be quite gratifying for them. As the act involves weight balancing, it obviously has a number of physical benefits. The missionary position is all about stretching, arching and tightening. While the male partner is on top, the female laying on her back can also stretch her back, arch and tighten the abs. In addition, she can also try tightening the kegel muscles right during the act.

Dr. Jaggi elucidates, “The partner on top gets more involved in the physical activity. With a male partner on top, a lot of pressure is borne by his arms and shoulders. Besides, elbows and knees are used to the maximum while balancing in such a position; hence it stretches the muscles in both these body parts. In addition, thigh muscles are also worked upon during the missionary position, as you are almost on your knees during the act.”

Woman on top
It is said that women can orgasm quickly while on top. Yet there is an evident reluctance among Indian women to try this position in bed. But having a female partner taking the lead is a very good exercise. It allows both partners to enjoy an equal participation, where the woman uses her hands and arms to prop up and down, and the male partner is holding the woman thus balancing her body weight.

Dr. Jaggi shares, “With the woman on the top, the weight would normally be borne by the male partner. Women being the physically weaker counterpart during sex, you cannot expect them to hold on to their body mass completely. So again it’s more of exercise for the men, where they use their biceps’ muscles to hold their female partner. For a female too, just to maintain the position for a longer duration, she is stretching her biceps, triceps, forearms and chest muscles to the fullest.”

Sitting missionary (Face to face)
Yet another creative sexual position, it involves couples facing each either on a sofa, bed or the

Its official: Sex is the best exercise (Getty Images)

floor. The position also lets you flex your toes forward, which is a good way to stretch your calf muscles. Since both partners are sitting throughout the act, certain muscles, which are worked upon heavily, have to be stable and strong to ensure a gratifying act.

Dr. Pushkar Gupta, a Chandigarh-based sex therapist explains, “Sitting missionary involves more physical work as compared to the missionary position where a couple is lying down. As the position requires both partners sitting straight facing each other, with the female partner wrapping her legs around a man’s hips, her back muscles are highly involved. Also to get the right posture, you end up putting a lot of strain on your spinal muscles, thigh muscles and lower back, which in a way is a good stretching exercise. Retaining the same position and trying different moves and lifts, your lower abdomen is also worked upon. Be cautious if you have a weak back, as excessive stretching may give you cramps and hurt you.”

Against the wall
Having sex against a wall – either in the washroom or a store room can be fun at times. Not only the standing posture would bring enhanced pleasure, but it would also allow you enjoy a workout session while you indulge in a sex romp. During this position, the quads (front top leg) and lower back are exercised. Also, as the male leans slightly forward, the female can arch her back thus indulging in a perfect exercise.

Dr. Gupta asserts, “Having sex standing against a wall is usually meant for couples who are physically stable. Since you are doing the act standing throughout, it needs that physical stamina to carry on for a longer time period. Then height also plays an important role in this stance, as in accordance to that only, you will decide the angle in which you need to bend and stretch your thighs and legs. In such a sexual position, another very good exercise could be lifting your female partner and nothing can be better than enjoying the pleasure and burning some calories alongside.”

Legs on shoulders
Such an act is not only a sex position but also a great form of foreplay. As it requites the female partner to be physically charged up and creative in bed, let’s not forget how beneficial this act is for the body muscles. Having a female raising her legs to reach a man’s shoulder is a perfect way to arouse him and at the same time it allows the female to stretch her leg muscles and tone her abs in the process.

Dr. Jaggi agrees, “It’s a very wonderful aerobic exercise, especially done by females using her flexible body. Though it may look like yet another foreplay act trying to turn on your partner, but it turns out to be a great workout where you can fully stretch your leg muscles. Whatever you get out of a 30 minute long cycling session while gymming, this sex posture can bring you almost equal, if not better, results.”

Crouching and bending
Try a prolonged foreplay with acts like sitting, bending and crouching, in addition to regular sex positions. This will surely be more advantageous when it comes to a physical workout.

Dr. Gupta says, “Very common but lesser tried sex position, bending and crouching demands a lot of bends and curves, so the spinal muscles are exercised here. Also, the inner thigh muscles get a lot of exercise as you bend. While sitting or bending, you end up putting pressure on your abdominal area as well, which can help you get into shape. In case of a lower back ache, avoid this position, as it may worsen the pain further.”

Sex it up at the gym

If you are among the ones who pay an annual membership fee at the local gym, but visit it only a handful of times, this should motivate you. Being fit and healthy benefits all areas of your life – including sex.

Those cardio and weight-training sessions can add that much-needed (or aspired) zing between the sheets.

IMPROVES TESTOSTERONE LEVELS
Research has shown that regular exercise, especially squats and lunges, boost the testosterone level in the body. Since the hormone plays a key role in one’s libido and performance, a boost there equals great sex.

MAKES YOU LOOK ATTRACTIVE
A toned physique is undoubtedly the most potent turn-on for your partner. It makes you more desirable to your partner and starts the fire burning. It’s been observed that those who maintain a toned physique have a better perception of themselves which leads to higher confidence levels and helps in a better sex life.

IMPROVES STAMINA
A man who indulges in enough cardio-vascular exercises stands better chances of satisfying his partner. Regular cardio builds the body’s overall stamina, which means you last longer in bed. Cardio requires withstanding the pressure for a longer duration with a sustained and justified distribution over the workout’s time span. This conditioning of the body helps men last longer and preferably let the women achieve orgasm before them. This helps because while men reach climax only once during the lovemaking, a women can do so multiple times.

On the other hand, the women who indulge in weight-training achieve an orgasm much faster, as the aggression it induces makes patience take the back seat – which is why it is advisable for them.

BEATS LIBIDO KILLERS
Stress is one of the biggest reasons for a dissatisfactory bedroom experience as it leads to many problems, right from reduced stamina to simply not being in mood. Regular exercise is one of the biggest stress busters for most people and lower stress levels means a healthier and a far more exciting sex life.

APHRODISIACS IN YOUR DIET
A healthy and well-balanced diet is one of the most important aspects of achieving fitness. After you work-out, your body craves nutrition. For building muscle and repairing the damage, you need a diet high on zinc and proteins. Eat your way to a great sex life with a diet rich in asparagus, onions, garlic and bananas.

MATTER OF POSITION
To experiment, keep that flab in check for the extra inches may restrict your urge to experiment in bed.

Now, make your sex life 'greener'

After eco-friendly bulbs and cars, wondering what more you can do to help the planet? Well, go green between the sheets.

Intimacy in the bedroom is not only healthy for your relationship but it can be good for the environment, too, if you use the following tips, reports Fox News.

Here are 8 ways to make your sex life a little more eco-friendly:

Eco-lingerie: Slippery and stylish, eco-undies and other fine undergarments are now made of hemp silk, organic cotton, bamboo, and other renewable fibers.

Bamboo sheets: Make over your bed with silky bamboo fabric. These eco-friendly, luxury sheets come from a renewable source and are usually grown without pesticides and harsh chemicals.

Sustainable wooden paddles: Coco de Mer makes top of the line sustainable wooden paddles complimented with fair-trade leather wrist cuffs.

Local flowers: Try to use locally grown or seasonal flowers when wooing your lover. They're right there and don't require using as many fossil fuels by coming from miles away.

Organic wine: When wining and dining each other, go for wines made from certified organically grown grapes. These are grown without any chemical fertilizers, insecticides, weed killers and other synthetic chemicals.

Organic lubricants, vibrators: Companies are starting to make lubricants free of parabens and petro-chemicals, like Babeland Naturals Organic Lube. Sex toy industry has also started to make vibrators out of elastomer, a latex-free material that doesn't contain phthalate - which can cause birth defects.

Environmentally friendly condoms: Consider using the sheepskin condom, for it is biodegradable.

Women we love to hate

By Vaibhav Choudhary

Women’s Day is here. As celebrity women take centrestage for bouquets and brickbats, we present you a pick of women “we love to hate”.

Rakhi Sawant: The drama queen

As India’s top drama queen, Rakhi Sawant is completely unapologetic, whether it’s for her bindaas attitude or her revealing dresses. She’s often the butt of jokes for her lack of education and being loud, boisterous and inability to speak fluent English.

It is often believed that she’s invited to talk shows in a tacit pact between the host and the audience to mock. But whatever the reason, she is one celeb that women, and men, love to hate!

Aishwarya Rai: Plastic beauty
Ashwarya, tagged a plastic beauty, has been the object of women’s envy. SRK fans have a thing against her ever since she refused to work with him after the Chalte Chalte fiasco. But, that’s just the beginning. Salman's fans hate her for leaving the hunk and moving on in life.

Vivek's fan have a similar grouse… of moving on even as kept her lips sealed on the relationship. Rani’s fans too haven’t forgiven her for marrying Abhishek and breaking up the next Amitabh-Jaya jodi. Salma’s current flavour Katrina's fans would also rather prop up their own favourite than Ash. Kareena's fans also haven’t forgotten that her hubby was all set to marry Karisma didi. Enough said?!

Love lessons from your man

Have you ever wondered why your man doesn’t bat an eyelid when you spot him with a cute lass at a pub? Or why he doesn’t go into the intricate Find a 'love guru' in your own beau and read to know some valuable love lessons you can learn from him... (Getty Images) details about your relationship? Just because he doesn’t react the way you expected him to, does that mean he doesn’t love you enough? Well, before you begin to draw conclusions and get overtly nostalgic about how things were when you first met and how much he has changed since then, let’s admit that there is a lot you can learn from men when it comes to relationships. So, find a ‘love guru’ in your own beau and read to know some valuable love lessons you can learn from him... Don’t try too hard One mistake that most women make in relationships is to give more than the relationship requires – sometimes to an extent that the partner begins to feel choked and suffocated. So, while it’s important to put in your best effort into the relationship, it’s also important not to over do things. So, if your partner has been taking you for granted, just remember to follow the three rules – don’t nag, don’t demand, don’t expect. Nandini Jha (name changed on request), 26, who works with a multi-national company in Noida says, “I always try to pamper my husband even with small gestures or gifts, but it really irritates me when he doesn’t reply to my messages. He goes out with his colleagues to a party while I keep waiting for him to return at home. I have often tried discussing it with him, but whenever I take the initiative to put forward my concerns, he gets annoyed and says that I keep nagging him for silly reasons.” Expert speaks: Manmeet Bhalla, a marriage and relationship counsellor suggests, “Being in a relationship does not imply losing your individuality. It’s important to do things that stimulate and revitalise you while being in a relationship. Being too dependent or too independent is not healthy. It’s important to strike a balance between the two.” If it doesn’t work, let it go Have you ever asked yourself, why you are in your current relationship? Why did you choose to be with the man you love? Yes! You guessed it right – to be happy! So if your relationship is not giving you the pleasure it should, let it go! The next time if you find it impossible to understand how your man can call it quits and get over it easily (while you shed buckets of tears), learn a lesson from him instead of playing the blame game. Ajit Khurana (name changed on request), 32, manager in a private bank in Delhi confesses, “My relationship with my wife is going through a very rough patch. We have arguments over petty issues and our sex life is not stimulating either. I have been wanting to file for a divorce, but she and her family are not letting me do so. I am feeling helpless, but I cannot continue with this relationship.” Expert speaks: “I often get calls from women who keep cribbing about how difficult it is to get along with their partners. They are tormenting themselves only in an effort to make the relationship work at all costs. But many a times, by doing so, you are only stressing yourself and making things worse. Let go of a relationship that's not working and move ahead,” adds Manmeet. Discover the wild ‘you’ If we can learn anything from men, it is to be get wild and experimental in bed. So, if you are used to sitting back and having all the fun, it’s time to get adventurous. Try stepping into his shoes and do all that you want him to do for you. If you like to share the day's tales, household chores or goof-ups at your workplace or in bed, may be you need to zip your lip, concentrate on the act and let your hands do the talking. Akash Joshi (name changed on request), 27, who got married a year ago says, “I just love it when my wife makes the first move in bed. It’s a great turn on. She is always willing to experiment and always participates in foreplay. We share our fantasies and desires and it goes a long way in keeping up the spark in our relationship.” Expert speaks: Sunil Garg, an expert on sex-related issues says, “Sexual compatibility is as important as emotional compatibility. If one partner has a stronger sex drive than the other, it is bound to create differences. So, it is imperative to find different ways and occasions to bond with your partner – both emotionally and physically for a healthy relationship to function.” Stop obsessing over your body! A hairy chest, love handles or thunder things, nothing makes men feel less confident between the Find a 'love guru' in your own beau and read to know some valuable love lessons you can learn from him... (Getty Images) sheets. So, why do women have to worry or get embarrassed about their belly fat, stretch marks and flabby arms? Often, it’s women who are more conscious about how they look, while men are pre-occupied with gaining and giving pleasure. So, stop obsessing about how you look and focus on having a good time. Prakhar Mehta (name changed on request), 29, an advertising professional relates, “What turns me off the most is when my wife is overtly conscious about having sex with the lights on. I just hate doing it in the dark, but she feels conscious about her looks and her belly fat. It really spoils the fun of love-making.” Expert speaks: Archana Nanda, a psychologist explains, “Women tend to be more obsessed about the right look and right gestures in bed. Even the slightest flaw in their appearance is enough to take their attention away from love-making. For perfect bonding between a couple, it is important to appreciate each other as you are.” Ask for what you want Women often assume that their men know their mind. Men, on the other hand, keep wondering what is it that women want from them. So, take a cue from men where it comes to getting more expressive in bed. Don’t presume he knows what’s on your mind just because he loves you. Give him a helping hand to send the right signals. Palash Bajaj (name changed on request) , 28, a media professional says, “My wife expects me to know exactly what is going on in her mind. She expects me to understand that she is not in the mood to have sex. But how am I supposed to know unless she tells me? I am not a mind reader!” Expert speaks: “Recently, a newly married girl rang me up and complained about her unsatisfying sex life. On asking her whether she shared her concerns with her partner, she said, ‘He is my husband, he should know what turns me on’. Such assumptions often create misunderstandings between couples. Hence, it is important to voice your likes and dislikes instead of expecting your partner to understand.” Learn to love yourself Do you remember your man complaining for not spending quality time with him? Does he ever feel guilty for not asking you to accompany him to a bachelors’ party? So, why do you feel sorry for not giving him enough attention when you drop a date to go shopping with your gal pals? Just because you are committed doesn’t mean that you forget the need for ‘me-time’. That’s another important love lesson from men – learn to love yourself as much as you love your partner. Urvashi Singh, 23, a management student says, “It’s actually strange that most men never complain even if you don’t spend enough quality time with them, whereas I always find myself arguing with my boyfriend for the same reasons. I get annoyed if he cancels a date to watch a movie with his guy friends or doesn’t take my calls. I do feel jealous, to be honest.” Expert speaks: Gayatri Mishra, a relationship counselor suggests, “When into a relationship, women tend to confine themselves to their partner. But when you do so, it is likely for you to ignore the need for ‘me-time’ which is equally important. So, one should remember to spend time with friends and family and not be completely dependent on your partner to fulfill all your emotional needs.” Check out the ‘cute guys’ Whether you are dating, engaged, married or trying to get over a painful heart break, it’s absolutely fine to admire the cute guy in your office or the hot hunk who lives in your neighbourhood. Just because you are into a committed relationship, gives you no reason to feel guilty about sharing a flirtatious glance with the guy next door. Don’t rule out the ‘fun quotient’ in your life just only because you are into a relationship. Tanisha Goyal, 26, who works at a telecom company in Delhi relates, “I have been dating a man for the last three years. Ever since I have been into this relationship, I don’t remember flirting with other men. If I ever get attracted to any other guy, I feel guilty and as if I am cheating my boyfriend by doing so.” Expert speaks: “There is nothing wrong with casual flirting. Sometimes, adding a fun element in your life can help you keep the romance alive in your relationship. There is no need to restrict yourself or feel guilty as long as you know your limits,” adds Gayatri.

Living with a sex-addict?

When Simran started dating Rohit, she found him to be an aggressive, but a fun-to-be with lover who did everything to rock her sex life in bed.

Is she addicted to sex? (Getty Images)

But by the time they ought to speculate marriage, she realised that he wasn't a normal man with normal sexual desires.

Rather, he was a sex-addict, whose wild sex etiquettes and voracious hunger for physical intimacy was having a negative impact on their life together. Failing to cope up with his overtly insatiable sex drive, known to the world as ‘Satyriasis’ or ‘Don Juanism’, Simran had no option but to part ways with her beau.

Even for males, there's a chance that you maybe hooked to a 'nymphomaniac', who appears as - 'a loving girl for you' in the beginning. But by the time her 'sex-kitten' avatar comes to the fore it's already too late to pull up your socks. Dr. Sameer Parikh, a psychologist, defines sex addiction as a situation, "When having sex is seen as one's sole priority, leading to a neglect of the other important facets of life (e.g., working, socializing, and sleeping), an addiction or compulsion to sex. Sexual addiction and compulsivity include, any sexual behaviour which is "had" or done in an obsessive, uncontrollable, and/or irrational way that becomes self-destructive. People with this diagnosis feel, and indeed may have, little or no control over sex, and are required to go through psychological therapies and medication in some cases."

So, before you get into involved with a sex maniac, here are a few cues to help you know if you are clinging onto a sex addict or a nymphomaniac. However, remember that these are just cues and not a yardstick to make or mar your relationship.

He's a sex-addict if ...
1. Normal lovemaking session? Not for him!
He usually complains about the lack of variety in his sex life with you. Normal love making sessions never satisfy him as he demands hard core porn-star type moves and grinds. He finds bliss in numbers, be it the number of abnormal sex-positions or the number of times he wants to climax in a single night...all hinting towards his out-of-control sexual problem.

2. He's leading a double life
Do you doubt he's having a liaison with someone else only to seek sexual gratification? Do you feel cheated in his company? Does he hide his 'self-help' acts from you, only because he is going overboard with them? And despite repeatedly telling him, he simply can't control his sexual urges.

3. He constantly digs into sexual stuff
No, we are not talking about men who take pleasure in watching occasional porn or reading sex write-ups and looking at photographs, but a man who is pre-occupied with X-rated stuff even at times and places where it's strictly avoidable. It's only X-rated movies that he is interested in most of the times. If his browser history reveals out and out porn sites in chronological order and his mail box is filled with invitations from adult dating sites ...you have all the reasons to watch out for.

4. Sex on his mind!
In his diehard pursuit of sex or romantic relationships, he is neglecting his social, professional and spiritual responsibilities and development. Even the extreme fear of being inflicted by STDs is no hurdle in his sexual escapades...then you should know he's an addict.

5. He's a runaway guy!
Does he usually try to get away from you after having sex? When he desires, he wants a roller-coaster session but soon after it's over, he's filled with guilt of getting physically close to you. This sense of withdrawal is due to his awareness about the compulsive craving for sex which he fails to curb.

6. Legal troubles? Who cares!
You caught him talking over the phone in an indecent (sexually explicit) manner with someone. You get to know of some legal allegations against him for anything - ranging from having a romp at an illegal place or with someone like a prostitute or a minor. You might even find him engaging in offensive activities like voyeurism or exhibitionism. If even the prospects of getting into legal trouble fail to stop him from exercising his sexual prowess, you should be aware that you are living with an addict!

7. He's getting cynical by the day
Together with the above mentioned clues, if you find your guy living with intense negative feelings of guilt, shamefulness and remorse, the extent of being suicidal, it's only because he can't stop himself from doing what he knows is wrong not just for him but also for his loved ones.

Signs of a perfect sex partner

"Do I have a perfect sex partner?" If not, how can I get one? Indeed a million dollar question that hovers in the minds of most couples!

Though it might be hard to find an absolute sexually compatible partner, but most couples don't even know the traits that they or their better half should posses to be a perfect sex partner.

Having an outstanding sex partner takes a huge burden off an individual's mind. It allows them concentrate more on the act, instead of thinking too much about whether they're making love to the right person or not. When it comes to a perfect sex partner, attributes like height, weight, age, behaviour, choices etc take a backseat. What matters is that he/she suits you and shares an amazing chemistry in the bedroom.

Dr. Kirti Mishra, a clinical physiologist and a relationship expert elucidates, "The idea of a perfect sex partner varies for different individuals, but some common traits like sexually active, experimental in bed, hygienically sound etc are a must, as they are the key for finding sexual bliss. Most couples today are working on their personal attributes to match their partner's prerequisites and thus become a perfect sex partner."

Apart from good looks, a hot body and a heady sex drive, let's explore the less superficial elements of what makes a perfect sex partner. And if your partner bears these qualities in bed, you can unquestionably boast of having a great sex partner...

1. Hygiene holds the key
Everyone likes making love to a clean and tidy partner, so good hygiene holds great importance in a sexual relationship. Ensure that your partner is well manicured with a fully waxed body to ensure a higher comfort level. Too much hair on body makes it uncomfortable to enjoy each inch of your lover. So look out for a soft and clean skin in your partner complemented with a nice smell, as a bad body odour is a huge turn-off.

Hot tip : "During sexual intimacy, everyone wants a hygienically fit partner, as this not only enhances the comfort level, but lets you enjoy the act more. So make sure you seem as fresh as if you have just stepped out of the shower before getting into bed. Sexual scents and aphrodisiacal fragrances are a good choice," recommends Dr. Devesh Roy, a sex therapist.

2. Oral sex shouldn't be an issue
You know what pleases you, so a wonderful partner to have in bed is one who doesn't hesitate going out of the way to give you that pleasure. If not routinely, your partner should be ready to please you orally as per their own mood and comfort level. While no one is perfectly adept at the oral act, but a partner who tries learning the little tricks to arouse you can surely add magic to your love life.

Hot tip : "Don't wait for your partner to tell you or give hints each time they feel like experiencing oral pleasure, instead make it a part of the love making act. It is quite safe and enjoyable as the actual act, so don't be unwilling to go for it," states Dr. Deepak Gupta, a sex expert.

3. Be an adventure lover Intimacy and passion gets killed if you have a boring partner, who is having sex for the sake of it. Ensure Having an outstanding sex partner takes a huge burden off an individual's mind. (Getty Images) that he/she makes every effort to heighten the sensation by exploring their adventurous side. Having a partner who is open to trying new sexual pleasures is a definite bonus. Right from participating in dirty talks, taking chocolate baths with you, trying out new positions to indulging in naughty love games, he/she should be keen to try sex escapades that make them a perfect bedroom partner. Hot tip : "Like a weekend getaway gives you a much needed break, sex also can become monotonous after a sluggish period. To liven it up, you need to think out-of-the-box and try all kinds of sexual adventures that ensure a gratifying experience," shares Dr. Kirti. 4. A sexy shape can do wonders Though weighty issues shouldn't come in way of your sexual pleasure, yet it's natural to look for a partner sans love handles or a bulging belly as an overweight partner can mar your sexual life. Being in top shape gives your body greater flexibility and accentuates your bedroom performance. If seeing your partner semi-naked makes you feel irresistible and you can't think of anything except sex, what else you can ask for! Hot tip : "Good body shape is always welcomed and what adds to your sex appeal is an appropriate dressing sense with which you can underline your positive features and gear up for a hot bedroom romp. To be a perfect partner in bed, try shedding the accumulated fat on your belly or butt area to boost your performance," suggests Dr. Roy. 5. Propose newer things It's excellent to take charge in bed sans any inhibitions. But what makes sex even more special is to bring new-fangled sex ideas and implement them. A vivid imagination and voracious desires can contribute to healthy sexuality. With an avid sex lover who is willing to try arousing positions in bed, use sex toys, suggest new ways to climax, explore alternate seduction techniques and foreplay acts, the sex romp can be one of its kind. Hot tip : "Being innovative is good, but it is of no use if you confine this sexual knowledge just to yourself. Hence, be more forthcoming in your approach and propose new ways to improve your bedroom pleasure and perform actively," advices Dr. Kirti. 6. Fantasy sharing does magic Communication holds the key to sexual pleasure, so a partner who is keen to discuss their wildest dreams and desires in bed can make sex a heavenly act. No partner can be tagged as sexually perfect until they are open about discussing their innate sexual preferences, as these tell the partner how they can perform. Look out for a partner who is not only open about their fantasies, but also invites you to share yours with a reassurance to fulfill them with ease. Hot tip : "If you cannot be outspoken about your sexual fantasies, you may resort to measures like penning them down or recording them on a tape. But ensure that it reaches your partner at the right time before you slip between the sheets," says Dr. Gupta.

Unexplored sex destinations

If your bedroom boredom has taken a toll on your sex life, all you need is a drastic, yet quick change. How about changing the place in which

Try these new places to get intimate with your partner. (Getty Images)

you are having sex?

Forget the boring kitchen or the bathtubs... think bizarre, out-of-the-box! Try out unexplored corners in your house, which you've have never earlier considered as apt places to enjoy a steamy sex session. From your storeroom to the dirty basement that you've never bothered to clean up to the garage that you thought was only meant for car parking – try out off-beat sex destinations and convert them into sensuous love dens.

Sex expert Dr. Deepak Arora agrees, "Whenever you experience a change in your life you feel more excited and the same holds true for sexual intimacy. Couples should keep changing the decoration of their rooms like lighting, placement of objects, wall colours, curtains etc to infuse a fresh feel every time they get intimate, as it boosts their sexual pleasure."

Sex counselor Dr. Shivi Jaggi supports, "Taking of sex variations, a place can influence a couples' pleasure quotient. Any place outside the stereotypical bedroom will help couples keep alive their sexual fire. The reason why they find hotel rooms more appealing than their bedrooms is for because it's a new pleasure playground that takes their mind away from mundane domesticity and adds a zing of excitement. So, if they pay a little attention and experiment with the decor of certain places within their own homes, they can perform wonders in their sex life."

So, the next time you plan an intimate session with your partner, try out these unexplored places within your house and see the heat of passion building like never before...

Garage Passion : Everyone loves a wild backseat romp, but it can get even wilder if you try sex in the garage. The dark ambiance and the rusty feel will surely build up the mood for a night of passion. Fun would be at its peak when you play love games of hide and seek behind the parked cars and let your partner look for you and thus build up your sexual mood. Alternately try a sex romp on top of your car. Dr. Jaggi explains, "In a garage, it's the raw energy of the destination that adds to the pleasure and once you're away from the comfort of your bedroom, this crude place is definitely racy and exciting. If you really wish to have a new-fangled change, you can specially design your garage to make it an apt place for sex."

Word of caution : Make sure you do not make too much noise by pressing the car horn and disturbing your neighbours as they may interrupt your sexual act.

Arty Attic : An attic fills the space between the ceiling of the top floor of a building and the slanted roof, and they are known for being awkwardly shaped spaces with exposed rafters and difficult-to-access corners. So why not make the most of this neglected area in your house? Decorate it in an alluring manner to seduce your partner and during the act, try out new positions in accordance with the structure of the attic. Dr. Arora states, "Due to hectic lifestyles, couples have no time to maintain their attic space. But just devoting a single day to covert it into a lavish area to have sex can turn the heat on. Couples will surely leave their bedroom luxuries behind and have sex on rough surfaces like that of an attic."

Word of caution : Since attics bear a slanted roof, ensure that you don't get up much during the sexual act or else you'll end up hurting yourself and spoiling the fun.

Basement Pleasure : While some convert their basements into an office area, others keep it vacant as a partying hall. But think of

Try these new places to get intimate with your partner. (Getty Images)

decking it up in a way to arouse your trigger zones. Try having a set-up that looks completely breath-taking with a spa setting or a club like scene with a pole dancing space. Such creations enable a prolonged foreplay, thus building the mood right for hot sex. Dr. Jaggi adds, "If resources allow, you can get a boring basement area revamped totally and make it an exciting place to enjoy sex with your partner. Right from assortments of scented candles, aroma oils, and sexual paintings to dim lights etc, liven-up this area with everything that act as perfect aphrodisiacs".

Word of caution : Don't be too loud with your moaning sounds, as the echoes in an empty basement can wake up the other members in your house.

Cosy Corridor : If you thought the corridor was just meant for kids to play during the day and the elderly to relax in the evening, think again! You can make the most of this zone during your moments of pleasure. Think of a converting your otherwise tedious corridor/balcony into a sex inspiring den. Place a cot adorned with satin sheets and scented flowers can act as an add-on. Dr. Arora suggests, "If you're staying on the top floor of a high rise, then the balcony or corridor can be a perfect place to have sex. Remember, you've moved to the balcony because you want to enjoy the fresh air and have sex in an open area, so no curtains are required. Also, ensure there are no surrounding buildings at the same level as your balcony and if there are, then wait for mid-night, so you can enjoy the act in the dark."

Word of caution : Ensure that your kids are carefully locked inside their bedroom on that night and do not get to witness your act in open. Beware of peeping tom neighbours.

Storeroom Surprises : Imagine how a broken table lying wasted in the storeroom can make for a wonderful base to get intimate with your lover. While in the storeroom, you can try being a little more creative by taking out antique items, sexual pictures, Kamasutra paintings etc and creating an atmosphere to arouse your partner. Dr. Jaggi shares, "Having sex in the storeroom is a welcome change. Having limited space, it usually stimulates sex in standing positions. The little spaces meant for ventilation allow some amount of light to enter the room, so it would be an excellent shift, as far as the surrounding is concerned."

Word of caution : Clear the excess dust in the storeroom as it may cause discomfort for either of the partners.

Romantic Roof-top : Having sex in the open on your terrace can be awesome, provided you make optimum use of the space. It can be by arranging a candle-lit dinner for your beau or decorating the entire roof-top with flower strands reviving your first-night charm. Dr. Arora opines, "If the rooftop is too high from which noone can see you from the outside, it can be an experience to remember. To make it more arousing, you can have a roof-top garden, which will not only add to the sexual energy, but also let you enjoy the fragrance of the blossoms. The moonlight adds to the ambience."

Word of caution : Your roof-top should be as private as your bedroom, so ensure there are not too many roof-tops adjacent to your terrace that may hinder your moments of passion.

Ten kissing commandments

"Our date was extremely romantic, until I offered to seal the night with a kiss, which unexpectedly turned out to be quite awkward. While, I The 10 kissing commandments (Getty Images) was gravely ashamed, she never came back," shares 23-year-old, Rishi Gulati (name changed on request), a sad victim of a kissing-faux-pas. Well, the misfortune of a bad kiss can fall upon any of us. Consider yourself lucky if your kiss left your partner craving for more. And keep your fingers tightly crossed for no one plans a kissing blunder, it simply happens! And mind it, you are hardly left with anything to mend the embarrassment caused by a 'dud kiss.' If a perfect kiss can register success in your relationship, a kissing bummer is good enough to bring your love journey to a dead end even before it starts. Follow our '10 commandments of perfect kissing' and you'll never be tagged as a 'poor kisser'... 1. Thou shall not be a stinking fish Nothing can kill a kiss like foul breadth. So, the first commandment keeps you off kissing, if your mouth is stinking due to hygiene issues, food, tobacco or excessive smoking. If you don't want your partner to remember the kiss for all the wrong reasons, try to look out for solutions. Dr. Kamal Bisht, a general physician suggests, "Begin by brushing your teeth before you go out on a date, irrespective of the time. Cleaning your tongue is also important as it removes bacteria. Avoid kissing if you have just had smelly food products like garlic, onions etc. Keep a breath spray handy and use it periodically throughout the day." Last but not the least, if you are a smoker, the pleasure of smooching your partner can be your motivation to kick the butt! 2. Thou shall open your mouth with care "My girlfriend has this habit of opening her mouth very little while kissing, which does not allow me to enjoy a passionate kiss to the fullest," avers Rajdeep Bhawmik, a Delhi-based architect. While, there's no accurate rule for opening the mouth, it's generally seen that a deep kiss using tongue is a huge turn on. Equally terrifying are gulpers who open their mouth wide open while kissing, ready to swallow their partner. The trick is to keep one's lips lose enough to let the lips of both the partners glide smoothly over each other making it a yummy kiss. Also, “start with a lip-to-lip kiss and gradually taste the depths of pleasure," suggests sex expert, Dr. Rajan.

3. Thou shall not be a dead dud
"For both men and women, responsiveness is the chief factor that makes for a better kisser," says

The 10 kissing commandments (Getty Images)

author William Cane in his book, The Art of Kissing Book of Question and Answers . So, rather than pouncing upon your partner's mouth, try and figure out the styles and movements that your partner enjoys. Try to figure out his/her likes and dislikes and adapt your technique accordingly.

Going with the other partner's rhythm is crucial. Don't expect your beau to do all the work while you enjoy his kissing moves. "My girlfriend is a hesitant kisser. She doesn't even move her head; forget about getting playful with her tongue and lips. It's just like I'm trying to find pleasure with a stiff stick," reveals Chandan Gupta, a 20-year-old college student.

4. Thou shall be a learner
No body is a born kisser. So, if you are an amateur kisser, who is apprehensive about locking lips, just follow your partner and the rest will fall into place, the way it happened with Jayati and Mayank. "During the initial days of our courtship, my girlfriend Jayanti was quite clueless about kissing, which was a big turn-off for me. But soon she realised her awkwardness and made a smart move. She simply started copying my style and now she can beat me in a passionate kiss," tells Mayank Taneja, a Mumbai-based PR professional.
Remember kissing is all about adapting and learning.

5. Thou shall use your hands appropriately
Agreed, that using hands results in elevating levels of passion. But do not pull his hair or grab her waist as if she'll run if you leave. Kissing is about imparting pleasure rather than inflicting pain. “Keep your hand movements limited to sensual and soft strokes on your lover's arms, back, neck, waist and hair or simply cup the face,” suggests Cane. Don’t get too aggressive in the name of showing wild passion. "My first boyfriend almost gave me bruises every time we kissed. Pinching and grabbing me gave him a sense of high, but I failed to match up with his wild passion and we broke up after a few dates and kisses," relates Madhurima Goel, a 19-year-old college student.

6. Thou shall not let your tongue go loose
You don't have to gag your partner by shoving off your tongue deep down into his/her mouth. Take it easy. The kissing rule for tongue says –less is more! Let the tip of your tongue perform the magic with subtle and gentle strokes. You can use your tongue for exploring, but that doesn't allow you to reach between your partner's teeth –as it can be a big turnoff. "Remember, slower the tongue movements, hotter is the passion," says Dr. Shivi Jaggi.

7. Thou shall not give me a saliva bath
Wet kisses undoubtedly work when it comes to getting into some raunchy action, but that

The 10 kissing commandments (Getty Images)

doesn't give you the liberty to go lap,lap,lap all over your partner's face. "My girl is a passionate kisser. But, the only problem with her is that her kisses are really wet. She licks my chin, cheeks, forehead etc, which becomes quite messy for me," complains Jatin Sharma, a 24-year-old, management student. So, slobbery is not welcomed while kissing.

8. Thou shall not have sex on your mind
It is not necessary for a kiss to end in some hot action between the sheets. Your kiss shouldn't give away the hint that you are getting desperate to hit the bed. "Kissing brings people close physically and emotionally. And this closeness satisfies a deep emotional need for connecting with your partner," explains Cane.
So, while you are kissing, be sensitive to your partner's need. He/she may or may not be ready for sex immediately. Don't use a kiss as a means to reach a sexual climax. Let your kiss be romantic rather than plain sexual.
"I can still remember my first kiss, though for unpleasant things. The way the guy was busy groping me, gave clear clues that he wanted to have sex with me on our first date itself and I wasn't ready. And soon after that date, within no time I made up my mind to never meet him again."

Another way to keep your first kiss plain romantic, rather than hard core sexual can be to keep your hand-work limited to the non-erotic zones like the neck, arms, back waist etc., rather than reaching out to the erotic zones. Though, imagination and experimentation can be your yardstick if both of you are ready and enjoying.

9. Though shall not stare while kissing
You might be curious; you might feel like watching your partner taking pleasure in the act, but continuously staring at him/her while kissing is a big no no! Whenever a person is enjoying something to the hilt, their eyes automatically shut. Closing the eyes is an autonomous stimulus to pleasure. So, kissing is no exception to this rule and people tend to close their eyes. “Also, the sight of your partner almost eating you might not look very beautiful if you watch it continuously, though there's nothing wrong in getting a peep every now and then," suggests Dr. Rajan.

10. Thou shall be confident of your kiss
Be it a plain pucker or a passionate lip lock, not just the initiator, but even the recipient ought to be confident. Remember, to go with the flow and you'll do fine. When passion reaches its zenith, no guide-book or tips remain in one's mind. So, just be yourself and let the warmth of your lips take over. "Be it approaching your lover for a kiss or accepting his proposal, both should be utmost confident. Jitters may spoil the mood, irrespective of who is getting them," explains Dr. Jaggi.

What women want?

She is passionate about her work, chills out with her friends over the weekend, hosts pyjama parties at regular intervals and refuses to settle down for marriage early in life. But, Preity also has her own share of sexual experimentation and doesn't mind admitting to them.

Enter Bollywood. Be it actress Kangana Ranaut's blank admission of her pregnancy in the film Raaz - The Mystery Continues , Priyanka Chopra's one night stand in Fashion or debutante Mahi Gill's decisive rug-packing, bicycling to the fields for a romp in Dev D , these modern female protagonists cut a swathe of the Indian population's sensitivity towards a woman's sexual urges.

From the chest beating, tear pumping melodrama queens who heaved and committed suicides if they dared to have a child out of wedlock to the modern day avatar who just 'moves on' – women protagonists have greatly evolved in terms of shedding their sexual inhibitions. But, what happens when the sexual liberation projected in Bollywood is juxtaposed against reality? We explore...

Shilpa Saini, a manager with an MNC speaks out, "The image of a woman in Indian society has definitely seen an up gradation. Today, I can afford to stand up to the society and say that I earn my own living and so I have the right to manage my own life, the way I want to. But what percentage of women can say that?"

Agrees journalist, Shweta Sethi, who voices her opinion about the recent pub attacks on women in Mangalore. She says, "Whenever women have tried to break free from restrictions, they have faced aggression, despite hailing from the urban class. What about women who are still in the villages? They are not even aware of their sexuality and those who dare to transgress are brutally put in their places."

Even as Bollywood makes inroads into female sexuality with the recent Dev D giving a no-holds-barred version of a woman's frustration, is the modern urban woman really as sexually vocal about her feelings as it is made out to be?

Says author Anjali Appachana, "Bollywood has always been slightly ahead of times, so its depiction of women isn't entirely right. Having said

Have women really stepped out of their sexual inhibitions as Bollywood would like to portray?

that, it also draws heavily from what is happening around. And it's time that female sexuality is taken into consideration. It's always been there in books, but has not been showcased well on reel. That is also because today the audience's acceptance has seen a dramatic rise. Earlier such graphic depictions of female sexual freedom would either have been cut by the Cennsor Board itself or publicised as an adult film."

If one recalls, women in films have mostly been asexual. Being stereotyped into the role of a mother, sister or girlfriend, they have often taken a backseat or relegated to the sweet damsel in distress kind of roles. However, only in the 1970's blockbuster hit Deewar veteran actress Parveen Babi played a woman who had no qualms either in sleeping with her partner without marrying him or going for a quick drag after her romps.

Post the film; women have been going off-on with the 'bold roles'. Actor Manjari Phadnis reveals, "It's OK to show a heightened state of affairs in films because even the audiences realise that it's just a film after all. However, in real life, change has come for sure, but at a very slow pace. Today, women work late nights and also have affairs before marriage without batting an eyelid. But such instances can happen in pocketed areas of the country."

However psychologist Amit Dutta says, "Urban women tend to have casual flings, which is drastically pushing up the abortion rate in the country. What is important to understand is the emotional weight on the woman's mind. Despite liberation, women still remain emotional creatures. The total impact of a one night stand is felt the morning after. So, although they have become financially independent, women should steer clear of stuff that could be traumatic for them."

Recalls Saini, "I have women friends who aren't afraid to initiate sex with their partners and are also quite upfront about the same. I have a friend who was frustrated because her boyfriend just wouldn't take their relationship forward. Despite being sure of their feelings, he was just probably a bit shy. So, she decided to take matters in her hand and asked for my flat keys and I was happy enough to give it."

Social activist Tanu Ahuja points out, "Women have been fighting for their rights for a long time. But a lot of hypocrisy prevails in our country and that's why there are such conflicting views. While women want to be independent, social norms and duties that compel her to be a good mother, wife, daughter etc. restrict them. They are constantly judged. And finally they are either worshipped as a goddess or loathed as a slut. It will take a long time for people to understand that she is just a human being yearning to live her own life.

Give some or take some, women have been at the receiving end for a long time now. Even today, the battle continues to rage as much on the inside as on the peripheral.