Higher earning women tend to do more housework

Women who contribute more to the household finances, as compared to their husbands or partners, tend to do more housework, according to

Higher earning women tend to do more housework

a study.

Led by Janeen Baxter and Belinda Hewitt, of the University of Queensland, the study showed that women contributing 70 per cent or more of the weekly income start doing more housework rather than less.

They put in a little more time cleaning and cooking than a woman who contributes half to the family finances.

The study has shown that as women’s earnings increase compared with their husbands'', they gain more leverage over who does the housework.

"No one wants to do housework but it has to be done. But as a woman earns more money, it gives her more say over how much domestic work she has to do," Theage.com.au quoted Hewitt, as saying.

However, in few Australian households - about 5 per cent - where women contribute 70 per cent or more to the budget, other sensitivities come into play.

"For these women, doing extra housework is about compensating for their husbands not fulfilling the traditional male breadwinner role," said Hewitt.

The research is based on 1306 married and partnered couples drawn from the Household Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia survey.

Casual sex: Feel good factor

Actress Sherlyn Chopra confessed her need for casual sex as a boost to her self worth. The starlet was quoted as saying she doesn't mind a

Does sex on-the-side give you the much needed kick? (Getty Images)

one-night-stand and if the sex is great, she would feel good about herself.

Aanchal Mehra, a management student agrees, "It's not about being promiscuous, but having sex with a stranger can actually lift your mood. It happened with me once when I was going through a very low phase. I went to a friend's party and hooked up with this guy. We had a blast that night and the next day we parted as friends. I felt desirable and wanted once again, and frankly I felt very happy."

The trend is recent and something that picks up from the frantic pace of urban living. Often hectic schedules and lack of socialising leaves one feeling adrift and sidelined. Thus people draw support in whichever form they can or so observes, psychologist Surendra Mehta, Care clinic, "Casual sex is on the rise because of factors like loneliness, peer pressure, living away from one's home. It happens when there's no faith left in oneself. Think of someone who doesn't have a great job or a fulfilling relationship or lacks friends to bail him/her out in times of crisis. It is then that they fall on measures that they assume can lift their spirits for some time. Sex is more like an addiction just as people tend to eat a lot when depressed."

Women don't get carried away:
Hollywood too swears by the benefits of casual sexual encounters. Leading actress Cameron Diaz for instance recently stated that there isn't a better way to get back in shape than hitting the sack. Studies too have revealed that women are less likely to regret an impromptu fling, if they feel gratified sexually afterwards. Most women don't equate a romp in the sack with a walk down the aisle. Surveys reveal that over 52 per cent believe their most recent casual encounter to be 'just a one-time thing'.

Says actor/anchor Pooja Bedi, "Having sex with someone you don't love doesn't necessarily mean you are committing a grave sin. The best part of today's society is that it is beginning to accept female sexuality. People have various things to lift their spirits, this is one of them, so be it, and it's human after all to crave for touch. And women, just like men want to enjoy their bodies. So there isn't anything wrong in indulging in casual sex as long as you know where to draw the line."

Manish Singh, a software professional, points out, "I think the key is that everyone wants to matter, especially to their sex partners. We have created a world in which we treat sex as a private recreational activity, with no moral or social significance. But when sex is a recreational activity, my partner becomes equivalent to a consumer good. And we all know what we do with consumer goods that cease to satisfy us beyond a point, we get rid of them. In this world of consumer sex, it is socially acceptable to find pleasure with people you don't love. But yes, no one likes to end up feeling used."

Casual sex to reduce boredom
Doctors claim that a session in bed with an unknown face can actually spice up your personal life. Although none would advise it, but the fact remains that it jolts you back out of your boredom and pushes you to being innovative. Says a doctor on condition of anonymity, "I have had patients who find no interest in having sex with their husbands/wives. In fact, they complain of being turned off by the very thought of it. However, a torrid fling outside marriage breathes new life into a sagging relationship with one's spouse. Does it really matter if you get back your stamina and feel good about yourself, even if your spouse was unaware of what went on behind his back?"

A recent study done by the University of Chicago on the sexual lives of adults reveals that housewives bored by their routine look for affairs outside their marriage. In fact, a one-night-stand often reignites the lost spark that may have gotten snuffed out due to marriage and monotony, a la Tabu who played the rebellious wife in the Mahesh Manjrekar's film Astitva.

The real picture
However not all is as hunky dory as you would like to believe. As Mehta puts it, "Sex with no strings attached is

Does sex on-the-side give you the much needed kick? (Getty Images)

a great way to regain your confidence. However, not many people can sustain it. There comes point when you begin to see the worthlessness of the whole enterprise. Despite how much we claim to be liberated, people need a caring relationship all the time. Sex is an act that is over in minutes and cannot ever replace emotions like love and care."

Neerja Tanna (name changed), a journalist, reveals, "I completely believed in casual sex and felt good about it. But there came a point when I began to dread the act. It wasn't the act per se, but the time when it would get over. If the sex wasn't great, it was ok; but when it was exceptionally good, it was difficult to extract myself from that situation. And how do I not look forward to meeting that person again? So in a way I started feeling petrified about having sex with just about anyone."

According to psychologist Suparna Puri, women often get attached while having sex. The hormone Oxytocin or the attachment hormone makes them feel closer to their partner. So she advises, "Be clear about who you want to indulge yourself with". Puri believes it's alright to be daring and adventurous, but warns that the high doesn't last for long. Soon there is a sense of wanting to pull out and starting again.

As Tanna recalls, "I don't believe in casual sex anymore. Because I believe there is more to it than just plain fun. So today I have decided to seek pleasure and adventure in other things. And sex can wait till I get married." Well point taken.

Male Power
In this entire cry about women and sex, it seems men are completely pushed away from the limelight. Could the reason be that sex gets easily associated with men and thus requires not much thought? Says Atul Suri,a consultant with an MNC, "A general conception is that men are more interested in sex. However, I think nowadays women are also free spirited while men are becoming conservative. I can indulge in sexual activities with anyone, but I don't want to. My friends of course do, but I think their outlook is changing as well. Today a guy wants to be just a one-woman-man, both physically and mentally."

Explains Puri, "For men it is no longer about sex and affairs. Men today concentrate on developing healthy relationships with the opposite sex. That could also arise from the fact that they are aware that the society is open to men having casual sex, so it isn't a big deal. However for women to do the same there is the pleasure of breaking barriers and also a sense of power. So it's more of women wanting to try out new things and explore areas so far a taboo to them."

The balance though is heavily tilted towards women. And though the freedom of body is a heady feeling, yet there are certain precautions to be kept in mind:

1. Get yourself checked for AIDS and STD frequently if you are indulging in casual sex.

2. Always, always use a condom or other precautions while having sex.

3. Having a one-night-stand is okay as long as you are consciously aware of what you are doing. You don't want to fall into the wrong hands and get beaten up.

4. Steer clear of strangers who you think come across as "weird". It is better to follow your gut than being sorry later.

5. If you are someone who gets carried away emotionally, then such affairs are definitely not for you.

6. Men take heed and check the background of the person you are going out with. You could easily be led to drugs if you don't watch out.

7. If you feel any kind of discomfort physically after an intercourse, see a doctor immediately.

8. Visit a psychiatrist if you think you are going through an emotional vacuum and need help.

9. Speak to friends, family and close ones if you think your loneliness is the reason for you to hunt partners.

10. Believe in love and care because nothing works better than these.

‘Teen-proof’ room cuts out the clutter

The days of teenagers' messy bedrooms may finally be over, courtesy an Edinburgh-based company, which has designed a room they

‘Teen-proof’ room cuts out the clutter

can’t ruin.

Design firm IDP claims to have created the ‘teen-proof’ bedroom, which provides solution for the cluttered spaces that have enraged parents for decades, reports the Scotsman.

It features drawing pin friendly fabric wallpaper; a wipe-clean desk; a swivel chair with secret pockets for stashing chocolate and electronic gizmos; stain-resistant carpets; and enough space under the bed to hide a mountain of clothes and computer games and still leave room for a set of iPod speakers.

Gilly Corkery of IDP said: "It was an incredibly challenging project. How do you counteract the natural messiness of teenagers?"

The room includes shelves tailored to the size of CDs, along with compartments in the bed space so that electronic equipment such as stereos or PlayStations can be plugged in – great for easy access when the teens are still lounging in bed at noon.

The room will be exhibited at the Homes & Interiors Scotland Exhibition at the SECC in Glasgow next weekend.

The design firm is keeping some details a closely guarded secret – just releasing a rough sketch of a suspiciously tidy-looking room and a sample of some dog-themed furniture decor.

Corkery, who modelled the design on the taste and habits of her son Jamie, 12, said: "We've tried to do little quirky things that teenagers will think are quite cool," says

"No self-respecting teenager wants to move for too long so we’ve designed a desk chair which has a pocket where they can keep a remote control, their iPod, pens, chocolate or whatever, without having to move.

“Then there’s the upholstery fabric on the walls, which means they can put posters up with drawing pins without leaving a mark," Corkery added.

Make fantasy sharing more exciting

With sexual fantasies giving a much-needed kick to your sex life, it’s a common practice for couples to harbour these desires. But when it comes

Make fantasy sharing more exciting

to sharing them with their respective partners, a lot of couples feel apprehensive about baring their soul.

Naughty or child-like, wild or porn-inspired, simple or out-of-the-box, the innate nature of sexual fantasies varies for different couples. But unless you share them with your lover, it’s futile to expect that they can bring changes to your sexual paradise. Couples also need to realise that there’s nothing wrong in harbouring a sexual fantasy as it’s absolutely normal.

Gitanjali Sharma, a relationship counselor explains, “You can directly communicate to your partner about what’s on your mind on a particular night. But your fantasy is not attached here. So an appropriate way to make fantasy sharing creative is to give small hints, signals and signs for your lover to catch. This way you would neither feel shy nor will it appear that you are directly asking for something. At the same time, an atmosphere will be created and your message will be conveyed. Consequently, your partner would be aroused too.”

Partners who feel shy expressing their sexual desires might not get the desired pleasure in bed. So it’s important to exchange these sexual talks with your partner and make it a normal feature of your relationship.

Giranjali further adds, “While sharing or expressing your sexual fantasies, do not send out the message that it’s your need and your partner has to perform them like an obligatory duty. Make an effort to arouse the same desire in them as well, so that both of you will be at same wavelength while performing the act, which is more pleasurable.’

Shedding all inhibitions and making fantasy sharing a simpler task in a relationship, we suggest some easy ways out to open up with your partner...

A recorded tape can say it all : You would have seen this in Bollywood flicks, but a romantic message recorded in your voice can hit your partner’s moan zones the way you want it to. If you feel shy narrating your fantasy in front of your partner, just record it and as soon you proceed towards the bedroom for an intimate session, play the tape and let the passion be felt like never before.

Expert tip : Dr. Anupam Randhawa, a clinical psychologist says, “It’s a great experience to listen to your mate’s voice and when the message being heard is sexual in nature, it’s an icing on the cake. But make sure that while recording, you don’t end up with a long message because it may not sustain your partner’s interest. So, keep it short, spicy and say exactly what you feel.”

Nothing beats the visual medium : Actions can say a lot more than what you think. So make the most of them. If you’re hesitant in communicating your sexual fancies, just seek help from a visual medium. Either pick certain scenes from a movie or let the not-so-realistic porn convey your desires to your partner.

Expert tip : Dr. Amita Mishra, sex and relationship expert shares, “It’s evident that watching erotic videos can give a much desired push to your sexual senses and leave you craving for more. Sharing your sexual fantasy through a visual medium adds more joy to you lovemaking session. You can even perform the act while the video is being played simultaneously to make it more stimulating.”

Aphrodisiacs are in : You might have been cooking dishes that your beau loves, but if you wish to derive benefit out if it, think beyond! Use a lot of strawberries, cherries, kiwi, cream, nuts, red jellies and mango slices to tempt your partner and throw hints that you are charged up for a steamy romp.

Expert tip : Dr. Medha Sharma, a relationship counselor opines, “Whenever you step out of the closet and are creative, it will always add to your sexual bliss. Let the ingredients and the flavour of the dish highlight your sexual desires and then it’s for your partner to figure out that you’re looking forward to a night of passion.”

Say it in bits and pieces : For individuals who aren’t extroverted by nature, it might appear to be a tough task to say everything about their sexual desires at once. So try dividing the entire episode into small parts and let the messages be conveyed to your partner after short intervals throughout the day.

Expert tip : “As you continue sharing tiny features about your sexual fantasy with your partner throughout the day, it will also act as an add-on to their mood. As they sum up all the messages, they will have a clear understanding as to what you expect from them, thus guaranteeing a gratifying act,” feels Dr. Randhawa.

Let your gestures do the talking : Remember that your body language can reveal a lot about you, which you may not put across in words. At least when it comes to letting your partner learn your fantasies, this is the ultimate weapon, where your body says much about what you expect in bed.

Expert tip : “Passing sexual hints is an effective medium to communicate what’s running through your mind. Make sure that you are articulate enough in your moves to make your partner understands and catches the right signals,’ suggests Dr. Amita.

A written letter below the pillow : The idea may seem conventional, but if your sex life is going through a rough patch, it may be a blessing in disguise. When nothing else seems to be working, the best way to converse with your partner is through written words. And not to forget, you can be over-expressive too while penning down your sexual desires.

Expert tip : “Love notes with naughty messages and your sexual fantasy written down in detail can serve the purpose. Though saying it verbally casts a different impact altogether, but if you play well with your words or try being a bit poetic in approach, it can certainly bring ultimate pleasure,” states Dr. Medha.

Try new combinations, be creative in life

A young boy left his home in search of truth. He met many people; he became richer in awareness of

Try new combinations, be creative in life (Getty Images)

his ignorance.

Since people went to forests to meditate, he too went to a thick forest. He did not know how to meditate. So he screamed at the forest to give him knowledge. For years his only mantra was screaming at the forest to give him knowledge. He believed that if you are committed, existence will help you.

One day, a monk came to him. He asked: "What do you want, my son?" "I want to know what the meaning of life is," he replied. "Go to the town. The first three persons that you meet will give you the meaning of life," the monk replied.

The boy went to the town. The first man he met was doing carpentry work. The next man he met was doing sheet metal work. The third man he met was making strings. Disappointed, he sat on the bank of a river. Suddenly, he heard the sweet strains of violin music. Something mysterious touched him. He suddenly got the answer he was looking for and he started dancing.

The carpenter was preparing the wood for the violin. The sheet metal worker was preparing metal for the strings and the strings were meant for the violin. Life has everything; all you need is to be able to connect the dots. You need to work out new combinations. And for that you need creative perception.

Life has all the ingredients. Be creative. Don't let yourself feel victimised. You might think that what is easy is beautiful, that what is easy is joy. You are a victim of such illusions. Difficulty has such a joy. Discovery has such a joy. Seeking out has such a joy.

You have to change the notion that difficulty is pain. In exercise, there is difficulty but also joy. In sports, there is difficulty but there is joy. In your relationships, when there is difficulty, treat it as joy. Just reprogramme your mind.

In prayer you don't have to do anything; just be available to God's grace. Prayer is a deep readiness to receive God's flow. It is passive alertness. Go deep and you discover your original mind... it is deep passiveness. A greedy mind is richer than a Buddha, but rich with desires and greed; so a Buddha is 'poorer' than you are. The Bible says: "Blessed are the poor for theirs is the kingdom of God."

When someone asked Buddha what he attained through his enlightenment, he said: "I did not gain but I lost. I lost my ignorance, my dreams, my dogmas, my likes and dislikes, my ambitions."

You can live in two ways ^ mechanical or meditative. The meditative way involves you being more aware; that awareness is passive alertness. When you are passively alert, you will realise that you are born free; you are not condemned to be not free. You have choices and that is your freedom. When there is no freedom there are no choices.

Be more meditative and you will make the right choices that will make you grow rather than feel trapped. Substance abuse is a bad choice. This is a mechanical way of living. But the choice is before you.

If you choose wisely you are in paradise. When you are eating, meditatively eat. Then eating will be a paradise. Totally be in your eating. When you take a bath, be total in taking your bath and a different paradise opens up. Next, bring in love energy into whatever you do... feel your inner being.

With the energy of silence, be total. You realise that you will be a moving heaven rather than a moving hell.