Living with a sex-addict?

When Simran started dating Rohit, she found him to be an aggressive, but a fun-to-be with lover who did everything to rock her sex life in bed.

Is she addicted to sex? (Getty Images)

But by the time they ought to speculate marriage, she realised that he wasn't a normal man with normal sexual desires.

Rather, he was a sex-addict, whose wild sex etiquettes and voracious hunger for physical intimacy was having a negative impact on their life together. Failing to cope up with his overtly insatiable sex drive, known to the world as ‘Satyriasis’ or ‘Don Juanism’, Simran had no option but to part ways with her beau.

Even for males, there's a chance that you maybe hooked to a 'nymphomaniac', who appears as - 'a loving girl for you' in the beginning. But by the time her 'sex-kitten' avatar comes to the fore it's already too late to pull up your socks. Dr. Sameer Parikh, a psychologist, defines sex addiction as a situation, "When having sex is seen as one's sole priority, leading to a neglect of the other important facets of life (e.g., working, socializing, and sleeping), an addiction or compulsion to sex. Sexual addiction and compulsivity include, any sexual behaviour which is "had" or done in an obsessive, uncontrollable, and/or irrational way that becomes self-destructive. People with this diagnosis feel, and indeed may have, little or no control over sex, and are required to go through psychological therapies and medication in some cases."

So, before you get into involved with a sex maniac, here are a few cues to help you know if you are clinging onto a sex addict or a nymphomaniac. However, remember that these are just cues and not a yardstick to make or mar your relationship.

He's a sex-addict if ...
1. Normal lovemaking session? Not for him!
He usually complains about the lack of variety in his sex life with you. Normal love making sessions never satisfy him as he demands hard core porn-star type moves and grinds. He finds bliss in numbers, be it the number of abnormal sex-positions or the number of times he wants to climax in a single night...all hinting towards his out-of-control sexual problem.

2. He's leading a double life
Do you doubt he's having a liaison with someone else only to seek sexual gratification? Do you feel cheated in his company? Does he hide his 'self-help' acts from you, only because he is going overboard with them? And despite repeatedly telling him, he simply can't control his sexual urges.

3. He constantly digs into sexual stuff
No, we are not talking about men who take pleasure in watching occasional porn or reading sex write-ups and looking at photographs, but a man who is pre-occupied with X-rated stuff even at times and places where it's strictly avoidable. It's only X-rated movies that he is interested in most of the times. If his browser history reveals out and out porn sites in chronological order and his mail box is filled with invitations from adult dating sites ...you have all the reasons to watch out for.

4. Sex on his mind!
In his diehard pursuit of sex or romantic relationships, he is neglecting his social, professional and spiritual responsibilities and development. Even the extreme fear of being inflicted by STDs is no hurdle in his sexual escapades...then you should know he's an addict.

5. He's a runaway guy!
Does he usually try to get away from you after having sex? When he desires, he wants a roller-coaster session but soon after it's over, he's filled with guilt of getting physically close to you. This sense of withdrawal is due to his awareness about the compulsive craving for sex which he fails to curb.

6. Legal troubles? Who cares!
You caught him talking over the phone in an indecent (sexually explicit) manner with someone. You get to know of some legal allegations against him for anything - ranging from having a romp at an illegal place or with someone like a prostitute or a minor. You might even find him engaging in offensive activities like voyeurism or exhibitionism. If even the prospects of getting into legal trouble fail to stop him from exercising his sexual prowess, you should be aware that you are living with an addict!

7. He's getting cynical by the day
Together with the above mentioned clues, if you find your guy living with intense negative feelings of guilt, shamefulness and remorse, the extent of being suicidal, it's only because he can't stop himself from doing what he knows is wrong not just for him but also for his loved ones.

Signs of a perfect sex partner

"Do I have a perfect sex partner?" If not, how can I get one? Indeed a million dollar question that hovers in the minds of most couples!

Though it might be hard to find an absolute sexually compatible partner, but most couples don't even know the traits that they or their better half should posses to be a perfect sex partner.

Having an outstanding sex partner takes a huge burden off an individual's mind. It allows them concentrate more on the act, instead of thinking too much about whether they're making love to the right person or not. When it comes to a perfect sex partner, attributes like height, weight, age, behaviour, choices etc take a backseat. What matters is that he/she suits you and shares an amazing chemistry in the bedroom.

Dr. Kirti Mishra, a clinical physiologist and a relationship expert elucidates, "The idea of a perfect sex partner varies for different individuals, but some common traits like sexually active, experimental in bed, hygienically sound etc are a must, as they are the key for finding sexual bliss. Most couples today are working on their personal attributes to match their partner's prerequisites and thus become a perfect sex partner."

Apart from good looks, a hot body and a heady sex drive, let's explore the less superficial elements of what makes a perfect sex partner. And if your partner bears these qualities in bed, you can unquestionably boast of having a great sex partner...

1. Hygiene holds the key
Everyone likes making love to a clean and tidy partner, so good hygiene holds great importance in a sexual relationship. Ensure that your partner is well manicured with a fully waxed body to ensure a higher comfort level. Too much hair on body makes it uncomfortable to enjoy each inch of your lover. So look out for a soft and clean skin in your partner complemented with a nice smell, as a bad body odour is a huge turn-off.

Hot tip : "During sexual intimacy, everyone wants a hygienically fit partner, as this not only enhances the comfort level, but lets you enjoy the act more. So make sure you seem as fresh as if you have just stepped out of the shower before getting into bed. Sexual scents and aphrodisiacal fragrances are a good choice," recommends Dr. Devesh Roy, a sex therapist.

2. Oral sex shouldn't be an issue
You know what pleases you, so a wonderful partner to have in bed is one who doesn't hesitate going out of the way to give you that pleasure. If not routinely, your partner should be ready to please you orally as per their own mood and comfort level. While no one is perfectly adept at the oral act, but a partner who tries learning the little tricks to arouse you can surely add magic to your love life.

Hot tip : "Don't wait for your partner to tell you or give hints each time they feel like experiencing oral pleasure, instead make it a part of the love making act. It is quite safe and enjoyable as the actual act, so don't be unwilling to go for it," states Dr. Deepak Gupta, a sex expert.

3. Be an adventure lover Intimacy and passion gets killed if you have a boring partner, who is having sex for the sake of it. Ensure Having an outstanding sex partner takes a huge burden off an individual's mind. (Getty Images) that he/she makes every effort to heighten the sensation by exploring their adventurous side. Having a partner who is open to trying new sexual pleasures is a definite bonus. Right from participating in dirty talks, taking chocolate baths with you, trying out new positions to indulging in naughty love games, he/she should be keen to try sex escapades that make them a perfect bedroom partner. Hot tip : "Like a weekend getaway gives you a much needed break, sex also can become monotonous after a sluggish period. To liven it up, you need to think out-of-the-box and try all kinds of sexual adventures that ensure a gratifying experience," shares Dr. Kirti. 4. A sexy shape can do wonders Though weighty issues shouldn't come in way of your sexual pleasure, yet it's natural to look for a partner sans love handles or a bulging belly as an overweight partner can mar your sexual life. Being in top shape gives your body greater flexibility and accentuates your bedroom performance. If seeing your partner semi-naked makes you feel irresistible and you can't think of anything except sex, what else you can ask for! Hot tip : "Good body shape is always welcomed and what adds to your sex appeal is an appropriate dressing sense with which you can underline your positive features and gear up for a hot bedroom romp. To be a perfect partner in bed, try shedding the accumulated fat on your belly or butt area to boost your performance," suggests Dr. Roy. 5. Propose newer things It's excellent to take charge in bed sans any inhibitions. But what makes sex even more special is to bring new-fangled sex ideas and implement them. A vivid imagination and voracious desires can contribute to healthy sexuality. With an avid sex lover who is willing to try arousing positions in bed, use sex toys, suggest new ways to climax, explore alternate seduction techniques and foreplay acts, the sex romp can be one of its kind. Hot tip : "Being innovative is good, but it is of no use if you confine this sexual knowledge just to yourself. Hence, be more forthcoming in your approach and propose new ways to improve your bedroom pleasure and perform actively," advices Dr. Kirti. 6. Fantasy sharing does magic Communication holds the key to sexual pleasure, so a partner who is keen to discuss their wildest dreams and desires in bed can make sex a heavenly act. No partner can be tagged as sexually perfect until they are open about discussing their innate sexual preferences, as these tell the partner how they can perform. Look out for a partner who is not only open about their fantasies, but also invites you to share yours with a reassurance to fulfill them with ease. Hot tip : "If you cannot be outspoken about your sexual fantasies, you may resort to measures like penning them down or recording them on a tape. But ensure that it reaches your partner at the right time before you slip between the sheets," says Dr. Gupta.

Unexplored sex destinations

If your bedroom boredom has taken a toll on your sex life, all you need is a drastic, yet quick change. How about changing the place in which

Try these new places to get intimate with your partner. (Getty Images)

you are having sex?

Forget the boring kitchen or the bathtubs... think bizarre, out-of-the-box! Try out unexplored corners in your house, which you've have never earlier considered as apt places to enjoy a steamy sex session. From your storeroom to the dirty basement that you've never bothered to clean up to the garage that you thought was only meant for car parking – try out off-beat sex destinations and convert them into sensuous love dens.

Sex expert Dr. Deepak Arora agrees, "Whenever you experience a change in your life you feel more excited and the same holds true for sexual intimacy. Couples should keep changing the decoration of their rooms like lighting, placement of objects, wall colours, curtains etc to infuse a fresh feel every time they get intimate, as it boosts their sexual pleasure."

Sex counselor Dr. Shivi Jaggi supports, "Taking of sex variations, a place can influence a couples' pleasure quotient. Any place outside the stereotypical bedroom will help couples keep alive their sexual fire. The reason why they find hotel rooms more appealing than their bedrooms is for because it's a new pleasure playground that takes their mind away from mundane domesticity and adds a zing of excitement. So, if they pay a little attention and experiment with the decor of certain places within their own homes, they can perform wonders in their sex life."

So, the next time you plan an intimate session with your partner, try out these unexplored places within your house and see the heat of passion building like never before...

Garage Passion : Everyone loves a wild backseat romp, but it can get even wilder if you try sex in the garage. The dark ambiance and the rusty feel will surely build up the mood for a night of passion. Fun would be at its peak when you play love games of hide and seek behind the parked cars and let your partner look for you and thus build up your sexual mood. Alternately try a sex romp on top of your car. Dr. Jaggi explains, "In a garage, it's the raw energy of the destination that adds to the pleasure and once you're away from the comfort of your bedroom, this crude place is definitely racy and exciting. If you really wish to have a new-fangled change, you can specially design your garage to make it an apt place for sex."

Word of caution : Make sure you do not make too much noise by pressing the car horn and disturbing your neighbours as they may interrupt your sexual act.

Arty Attic : An attic fills the space between the ceiling of the top floor of a building and the slanted roof, and they are known for being awkwardly shaped spaces with exposed rafters and difficult-to-access corners. So why not make the most of this neglected area in your house? Decorate it in an alluring manner to seduce your partner and during the act, try out new positions in accordance with the structure of the attic. Dr. Arora states, "Due to hectic lifestyles, couples have no time to maintain their attic space. But just devoting a single day to covert it into a lavish area to have sex can turn the heat on. Couples will surely leave their bedroom luxuries behind and have sex on rough surfaces like that of an attic."

Word of caution : Since attics bear a slanted roof, ensure that you don't get up much during the sexual act or else you'll end up hurting yourself and spoiling the fun.

Basement Pleasure : While some convert their basements into an office area, others keep it vacant as a partying hall. But think of

Try these new places to get intimate with your partner. (Getty Images)

decking it up in a way to arouse your trigger zones. Try having a set-up that looks completely breath-taking with a spa setting or a club like scene with a pole dancing space. Such creations enable a prolonged foreplay, thus building the mood right for hot sex. Dr. Jaggi adds, "If resources allow, you can get a boring basement area revamped totally and make it an exciting place to enjoy sex with your partner. Right from assortments of scented candles, aroma oils, and sexual paintings to dim lights etc, liven-up this area with everything that act as perfect aphrodisiacs".

Word of caution : Don't be too loud with your moaning sounds, as the echoes in an empty basement can wake up the other members in your house.

Cosy Corridor : If you thought the corridor was just meant for kids to play during the day and the elderly to relax in the evening, think again! You can make the most of this zone during your moments of pleasure. Think of a converting your otherwise tedious corridor/balcony into a sex inspiring den. Place a cot adorned with satin sheets and scented flowers can act as an add-on. Dr. Arora suggests, "If you're staying on the top floor of a high rise, then the balcony or corridor can be a perfect place to have sex. Remember, you've moved to the balcony because you want to enjoy the fresh air and have sex in an open area, so no curtains are required. Also, ensure there are no surrounding buildings at the same level as your balcony and if there are, then wait for mid-night, so you can enjoy the act in the dark."

Word of caution : Ensure that your kids are carefully locked inside their bedroom on that night and do not get to witness your act in open. Beware of peeping tom neighbours.

Storeroom Surprises : Imagine how a broken table lying wasted in the storeroom can make for a wonderful base to get intimate with your lover. While in the storeroom, you can try being a little more creative by taking out antique items, sexual pictures, Kamasutra paintings etc and creating an atmosphere to arouse your partner. Dr. Jaggi shares, "Having sex in the storeroom is a welcome change. Having limited space, it usually stimulates sex in standing positions. The little spaces meant for ventilation allow some amount of light to enter the room, so it would be an excellent shift, as far as the surrounding is concerned."

Word of caution : Clear the excess dust in the storeroom as it may cause discomfort for either of the partners.

Romantic Roof-top : Having sex in the open on your terrace can be awesome, provided you make optimum use of the space. It can be by arranging a candle-lit dinner for your beau or decorating the entire roof-top with flower strands reviving your first-night charm. Dr. Arora opines, "If the rooftop is too high from which noone can see you from the outside, it can be an experience to remember. To make it more arousing, you can have a roof-top garden, which will not only add to the sexual energy, but also let you enjoy the fragrance of the blossoms. The moonlight adds to the ambience."

Word of caution : Your roof-top should be as private as your bedroom, so ensure there are not too many roof-tops adjacent to your terrace that may hinder your moments of passion.

Ten kissing commandments

"Our date was extremely romantic, until I offered to seal the night with a kiss, which unexpectedly turned out to be quite awkward. While, I The 10 kissing commandments (Getty Images) was gravely ashamed, she never came back," shares 23-year-old, Rishi Gulati (name changed on request), a sad victim of a kissing-faux-pas. Well, the misfortune of a bad kiss can fall upon any of us. Consider yourself lucky if your kiss left your partner craving for more. And keep your fingers tightly crossed for no one plans a kissing blunder, it simply happens! And mind it, you are hardly left with anything to mend the embarrassment caused by a 'dud kiss.' If a perfect kiss can register success in your relationship, a kissing bummer is good enough to bring your love journey to a dead end even before it starts. Follow our '10 commandments of perfect kissing' and you'll never be tagged as a 'poor kisser'... 1. Thou shall not be a stinking fish Nothing can kill a kiss like foul breadth. So, the first commandment keeps you off kissing, if your mouth is stinking due to hygiene issues, food, tobacco or excessive smoking. If you don't want your partner to remember the kiss for all the wrong reasons, try to look out for solutions. Dr. Kamal Bisht, a general physician suggests, "Begin by brushing your teeth before you go out on a date, irrespective of the time. Cleaning your tongue is also important as it removes bacteria. Avoid kissing if you have just had smelly food products like garlic, onions etc. Keep a breath spray handy and use it periodically throughout the day." Last but not the least, if you are a smoker, the pleasure of smooching your partner can be your motivation to kick the butt! 2. Thou shall open your mouth with care "My girlfriend has this habit of opening her mouth very little while kissing, which does not allow me to enjoy a passionate kiss to the fullest," avers Rajdeep Bhawmik, a Delhi-based architect. While, there's no accurate rule for opening the mouth, it's generally seen that a deep kiss using tongue is a huge turn on. Equally terrifying are gulpers who open their mouth wide open while kissing, ready to swallow their partner. The trick is to keep one's lips lose enough to let the lips of both the partners glide smoothly over each other making it a yummy kiss. Also, “start with a lip-to-lip kiss and gradually taste the depths of pleasure," suggests sex expert, Dr. Rajan.

3. Thou shall not be a dead dud
"For both men and women, responsiveness is the chief factor that makes for a better kisser," says

The 10 kissing commandments (Getty Images)

author William Cane in his book, The Art of Kissing Book of Question and Answers . So, rather than pouncing upon your partner's mouth, try and figure out the styles and movements that your partner enjoys. Try to figure out his/her likes and dislikes and adapt your technique accordingly.

Going with the other partner's rhythm is crucial. Don't expect your beau to do all the work while you enjoy his kissing moves. "My girlfriend is a hesitant kisser. She doesn't even move her head; forget about getting playful with her tongue and lips. It's just like I'm trying to find pleasure with a stiff stick," reveals Chandan Gupta, a 20-year-old college student.

4. Thou shall be a learner
No body is a born kisser. So, if you are an amateur kisser, who is apprehensive about locking lips, just follow your partner and the rest will fall into place, the way it happened with Jayati and Mayank. "During the initial days of our courtship, my girlfriend Jayanti was quite clueless about kissing, which was a big turn-off for me. But soon she realised her awkwardness and made a smart move. She simply started copying my style and now she can beat me in a passionate kiss," tells Mayank Taneja, a Mumbai-based PR professional.
Remember kissing is all about adapting and learning.

5. Thou shall use your hands appropriately
Agreed, that using hands results in elevating levels of passion. But do not pull his hair or grab her waist as if she'll run if you leave. Kissing is about imparting pleasure rather than inflicting pain. “Keep your hand movements limited to sensual and soft strokes on your lover's arms, back, neck, waist and hair or simply cup the face,” suggests Cane. Don’t get too aggressive in the name of showing wild passion. "My first boyfriend almost gave me bruises every time we kissed. Pinching and grabbing me gave him a sense of high, but I failed to match up with his wild passion and we broke up after a few dates and kisses," relates Madhurima Goel, a 19-year-old college student.

6. Thou shall not let your tongue go loose
You don't have to gag your partner by shoving off your tongue deep down into his/her mouth. Take it easy. The kissing rule for tongue says –less is more! Let the tip of your tongue perform the magic with subtle and gentle strokes. You can use your tongue for exploring, but that doesn't allow you to reach between your partner's teeth –as it can be a big turnoff. "Remember, slower the tongue movements, hotter is the passion," says Dr. Shivi Jaggi.

7. Thou shall not give me a saliva bath
Wet kisses undoubtedly work when it comes to getting into some raunchy action, but that

The 10 kissing commandments (Getty Images)

doesn't give you the liberty to go lap,lap,lap all over your partner's face. "My girl is a passionate kisser. But, the only problem with her is that her kisses are really wet. She licks my chin, cheeks, forehead etc, which becomes quite messy for me," complains Jatin Sharma, a 24-year-old, management student. So, slobbery is not welcomed while kissing.

8. Thou shall not have sex on your mind
It is not necessary for a kiss to end in some hot action between the sheets. Your kiss shouldn't give away the hint that you are getting desperate to hit the bed. "Kissing brings people close physically and emotionally. And this closeness satisfies a deep emotional need for connecting with your partner," explains Cane.
So, while you are kissing, be sensitive to your partner's need. He/she may or may not be ready for sex immediately. Don't use a kiss as a means to reach a sexual climax. Let your kiss be romantic rather than plain sexual.
"I can still remember my first kiss, though for unpleasant things. The way the guy was busy groping me, gave clear clues that he wanted to have sex with me on our first date itself and I wasn't ready. And soon after that date, within no time I made up my mind to never meet him again."

Another way to keep your first kiss plain romantic, rather than hard core sexual can be to keep your hand-work limited to the non-erotic zones like the neck, arms, back waist etc., rather than reaching out to the erotic zones. Though, imagination and experimentation can be your yardstick if both of you are ready and enjoying.

9. Though shall not stare while kissing
You might be curious; you might feel like watching your partner taking pleasure in the act, but continuously staring at him/her while kissing is a big no no! Whenever a person is enjoying something to the hilt, their eyes automatically shut. Closing the eyes is an autonomous stimulus to pleasure. So, kissing is no exception to this rule and people tend to close their eyes. “Also, the sight of your partner almost eating you might not look very beautiful if you watch it continuously, though there's nothing wrong in getting a peep every now and then," suggests Dr. Rajan.

10. Thou shall be confident of your kiss
Be it a plain pucker or a passionate lip lock, not just the initiator, but even the recipient ought to be confident. Remember, to go with the flow and you'll do fine. When passion reaches its zenith, no guide-book or tips remain in one's mind. So, just be yourself and let the warmth of your lips take over. "Be it approaching your lover for a kiss or accepting his proposal, both should be utmost confident. Jitters may spoil the mood, irrespective of who is getting them," explains Dr. Jaggi.

What women want?

She is passionate about her work, chills out with her friends over the weekend, hosts pyjama parties at regular intervals and refuses to settle down for marriage early in life. But, Preity also has her own share of sexual experimentation and doesn't mind admitting to them.

Enter Bollywood. Be it actress Kangana Ranaut's blank admission of her pregnancy in the film Raaz - The Mystery Continues , Priyanka Chopra's one night stand in Fashion or debutante Mahi Gill's decisive rug-packing, bicycling to the fields for a romp in Dev D , these modern female protagonists cut a swathe of the Indian population's sensitivity towards a woman's sexual urges.

From the chest beating, tear pumping melodrama queens who heaved and committed suicides if they dared to have a child out of wedlock to the modern day avatar who just 'moves on' – women protagonists have greatly evolved in terms of shedding their sexual inhibitions. But, what happens when the sexual liberation projected in Bollywood is juxtaposed against reality? We explore...

Shilpa Saini, a manager with an MNC speaks out, "The image of a woman in Indian society has definitely seen an up gradation. Today, I can afford to stand up to the society and say that I earn my own living and so I have the right to manage my own life, the way I want to. But what percentage of women can say that?"

Agrees journalist, Shweta Sethi, who voices her opinion about the recent pub attacks on women in Mangalore. She says, "Whenever women have tried to break free from restrictions, they have faced aggression, despite hailing from the urban class. What about women who are still in the villages? They are not even aware of their sexuality and those who dare to transgress are brutally put in their places."

Even as Bollywood makes inroads into female sexuality with the recent Dev D giving a no-holds-barred version of a woman's frustration, is the modern urban woman really as sexually vocal about her feelings as it is made out to be?

Says author Anjali Appachana, "Bollywood has always been slightly ahead of times, so its depiction of women isn't entirely right. Having said

Have women really stepped out of their sexual inhibitions as Bollywood would like to portray?

that, it also draws heavily from what is happening around. And it's time that female sexuality is taken into consideration. It's always been there in books, but has not been showcased well on reel. That is also because today the audience's acceptance has seen a dramatic rise. Earlier such graphic depictions of female sexual freedom would either have been cut by the Cennsor Board itself or publicised as an adult film."

If one recalls, women in films have mostly been asexual. Being stereotyped into the role of a mother, sister or girlfriend, they have often taken a backseat or relegated to the sweet damsel in distress kind of roles. However, only in the 1970's blockbuster hit Deewar veteran actress Parveen Babi played a woman who had no qualms either in sleeping with her partner without marrying him or going for a quick drag after her romps.

Post the film; women have been going off-on with the 'bold roles'. Actor Manjari Phadnis reveals, "It's OK to show a heightened state of affairs in films because even the audiences realise that it's just a film after all. However, in real life, change has come for sure, but at a very slow pace. Today, women work late nights and also have affairs before marriage without batting an eyelid. But such instances can happen in pocketed areas of the country."

However psychologist Amit Dutta says, "Urban women tend to have casual flings, which is drastically pushing up the abortion rate in the country. What is important to understand is the emotional weight on the woman's mind. Despite liberation, women still remain emotional creatures. The total impact of a one night stand is felt the morning after. So, although they have become financially independent, women should steer clear of stuff that could be traumatic for them."

Recalls Saini, "I have women friends who aren't afraid to initiate sex with their partners and are also quite upfront about the same. I have a friend who was frustrated because her boyfriend just wouldn't take their relationship forward. Despite being sure of their feelings, he was just probably a bit shy. So, she decided to take matters in her hand and asked for my flat keys and I was happy enough to give it."

Social activist Tanu Ahuja points out, "Women have been fighting for their rights for a long time. But a lot of hypocrisy prevails in our country and that's why there are such conflicting views. While women want to be independent, social norms and duties that compel her to be a good mother, wife, daughter etc. restrict them. They are constantly judged. And finally they are either worshipped as a goddess or loathed as a slut. It will take a long time for people to understand that she is just a human being yearning to live her own life.

Give some or take some, women have been at the receiving end for a long time now. Even today, the battle continues to rage as much on the inside as on the peripheral.

The not so-usual Valentine gifts

It's that time of the year when love is in the air; when lovebirds everywhere amble together expressing their love. But the big question is how

The not so-usual valentine gifts (Getty images)

do you do that? With D-day approaching, the hunt for the perfect gift to woo your partner has begun. Even the local gift stores are busy stocking up the usual mushy-mushy products. But, why not try a different approach this V-day? How about gifting something naughty, erotic or sensual this Valentine's to your sweetheart.

"Although teddy bears holding hearts remain our hottest selling product for Valentine's Day, but at the same time, we have observed a niche demand for naughty products, especially from working couples," says Youhan Darrab Aria, Head Corporate Communications, Archies Limited.

"The demand of naughty gifts is steadily increasing," says Ashish Vijh, E-Commerce Head, Indiatimes Shopping. The popular online shopping website has included sensual products such as branded lingerie (including lingerie packed in a bottle), fashion mobiles and designer flowers.

So, if you want to add a little spice to your gift giving, here is a list of different gift ideas to set the ball rolling.

1. Lingerie
What can be a better gift than some sensually enticing innerwear to your beloved. Not only it will be a romantic surprise for her, but will also act as a great precursor for a steamy night ahead. Available in different tempting colours and designs, erotic lingerie is a perfect prop for a night of wild passion.

"We have introduced a seductive range especially for this Valentine's. In fact, we have received loads of requests for the colour pink and red," said Thorsten Allenstein, MD Triumph International (India and Sri Lanka) "There is lot of purchase happening from men at our stores as we give ready solutions to our customers which makes the whole selection process easier," he added. "I am all set to gift my girlfriend a lacy G-string and push up bra as we are planning a Moulin Rouge night to celebrate our first Valentine's Day together. I can't wait to see her clad in sexy lingerie. I know she's always secretly desired such innerwear, and coming from me will add to her turn on," says 32-year-old banker Romit Sengupta.

2. Edible body paint
How about a sinfully delightful and lip smacking experience? Edible BodyPaint is the latest adventurous medium to express your fantasies towards your lover. Use a brush or let your fingers do the trick to paint your shades of sensual imagery on your partner's body. What's more? The paint is 'edible', so take the hint and let your tongue embark on a lip-smacking tasting sessions.

"My husband is extremely creative when it comes to making out. He puts every possible fruit to use in our make out escapades. The idea of using edible body paints will also entice him to the core. I know what I am buying him on this Valentine's Day," avers an exited Sulochana Mansukhani, (name changed on request) a Mumbai-based PR Professional. "We have introduced edible chocolate body paint for Valentine's Day as there is a demand for such sensual products," says a store manager of floral boutique chain Ferns 'N' Petals.

3. Love toys
Who said toys were simply just for kids? Valentine's Day can be a great excuse to take your sexual relationship to new heights with some adult toys. A sex toy, be it a dildo, dong or a vibrator, can be a wonderful gift for both of you to explore each other's fantasies. Add a little creativity to your sex life and open the doors to reach newer levels of excitement and pleasure.

"Last year, I gifted my girlfriend an adult toy and she simply loved it. It's a very intimate product and there could be no better occasion than V-Day for gifting it to her. It opened her up to me all the more," says Vibhav Sharma, a bank manager. "Sex toys are a great way to enhance sexual performance. For instance, using a vibrator on a woman, when the man is giving her oral sex can take her to heights of ecstasy she has never treaded before. Sex toys give you an added advantage of good health, as they release stress and tension," tells Bangalore-based sexologist, Dr. Murthy PS.

4. Erotic Books/Games
Why not add into your sexual knowledge with some text-book reading on the act? A gift of erotic literature

The not so-usual valentine gifts (Getty images)

like the Kamasutra or Indian erotica is a great stimulation on the most special day of your lives. Check out both new and classic works of erotic fiction and poetry, which you can read aloud to each other as a unique way to spark off a night of sexual exploration. "Books like Expert Love Making, Quickies: Sex for Busy People, Intimate Relations: Exploring Indian Sexuality and Ecstasy through Tantra are a few popular books that Indian readers are picking up really fast.

Not only young couples, but even middle-aged couples who are looking forward to bring back charm in their sex life ask for these books," reveals Suraj Mohanty of Budaniya Book Shop. You can also try your hands at love games like fore-playing flash, dice and card board games and have a lot of fun in the process. "My husband arranged for some really raunchy love games last year. Our gaming session helped a great deal to unleash our adventurous spirits and to bring to light a special evening with passion," says Madhu Sharma, a Delhi-based teacher.

5. Scented massage
There's no better way to initiate sensual touching with your partner than an erotic massage. Create a mood of love, romance and bliss this V-day by giving each other full body massages with aromatic massage oils. "Couples who practice massages in their relationship often report that they feel closer to their partners. It encourages sexual desires, so they are not just connecting on a sensual level, but on a physical level too. This in turn builds trust and love. It fosters an intense bond, which is necessary for a truly connected and intimate relationship between two people. Keeping your hands in contact with your partner's skin is necessary for it to be a lasting and loving intimate relationship," explains sex therapist Dr. Simridhi Siddique.

"My wife loves getting pampered. So, this V-day I'm planning to prepare a home spa for her. I'm looking forward to pampering her with a hot oil massage. I just hope the massage session graduates into an eventful night for both of us," shares Hemant Kulkarni, a Delhi-based advertising professional. "There is a wide range of massage oils ranging from strawberry, chocolate, wild cherry and others to choose from. Ylang Ylang oil is the most popular oil when it comes to boosting sex-drive," suggests aromatherapist Dr. Naresh Arora of Chase Aroma Therapy.

6. Wine
Nothing makes a romantic evening sweeter than an expensive bottle of wine. If you're going for dinner this Valentine's Day, some wine will be a nice addition to your romantic feast. You either opt for a vibrant, spicy red or a full bodied white vineyard wine to set the mood for the rest of the night. "It might sound traditional, but it's special! Sparkling rosé remains the most fun, frivolous and romantic drink ever. There are plenty of fine pink sparklers around, so select your favourite pink bubbly and speak your heart this Valentine's day," suggests restaurateur, AD Singh.

Saurabh Vij, a Mumbai-based, banking professional says, "I read on the Internet that wine made a great ingredient for glowing skin. So, last Valentine's Day, me and my wife, got into experimental mode and tried out an intoxicating wine bath. And I must tell you, the magic was working on our sexual intimacy as well."

6. Sex in a box
Finding it tough to let your partner get a whiff of your mood? Want to let your spouse know that you are interested in a night of pure love and wild romance this Valentine's day? Create a goody bag loaded with scented massage oils, a feather tickler, bathing gels, sensuous lingerie, edible chocolate pain, a love-toy and a few perfumed candles. As your spouse unwraps this sex-goody bag, you'll find him/her getting the cues and unwrapping an eventful night on the right notes.

"I am quite shy and my husband always wanted me too take the lead in bed. So, last year I surprised him by letting him know my naughty intentions with a 'sex-box' that I created exclusively for him. I collected all the possible goodies that could suggest to him my naughty intentions and it worked magic. I didn't have to say anything, he was absolutely prepared for a night of action," shares Nikita Chandra (name changed on request), a PR professional.

Remember whatever you decide to do, make it personal. You do not have to spend a lot of money to make the day unforgettable. The thought that you put into doing something unique and loving is much more important than the price tag.

Why are men losing interest in sex?

The "Not tonight darling, I've got a headache" syndrome is usually associated with women when they're not in the mood, but lately the excuse is Why men are losing interest in sex? (Getty Images) increasingly being used by men to put off sex, according to a survey. The new poll by independent charity the Men's Health Forum has found that 15 per cent of men aged between 18 and 59 admitted to a "lack of interest in sex". Relationship-counselling service Relate has revealed that there's a 40 percent increase in the number of men saying they had gone off sex, compared with 10 years ago. All the above men with low libido don't face any physical problems; it's just that they do not want to have sex. Research has found that the growing trend of the drop in male desire is a direct result of women's changing role in society. Men get overwhelmed with the modern woman, who is confident and comfortable with her own sexual needs and desires. Apart from that men are bombarded with an overload of sexual images on the Internet, cable TV and in magazines, so much so, that it may be leading them to prefer the ever-ready fantasy to the reality. Renowned Chicago-based relationships therapist Michele Weiner-Davis caused a furore in the US by claiming that at least 25 per cent of all men suffer from low desire. It was, "America's best-kept secret," the Sun quoted her as saying. Michael Gilbert, author of The Disposable Male , said: "Western men feel marginalised. "In a third of American homes where both partners work, women earn more than men. This tears at the fabric of male sexuality." And the problem is further worsened by the number of overworked men who are turning to alcohol to relax after work, and it has been revealed earlier that booze interferes with testosterone. Phillip Hodson, a psychotherapist and author of Men: An Investigation Into The Emotional Male , said: "Sex is all about play. Libido comes out of a moment of idleness and down time. But British men work the longest hours in Europe. Sex and the clock don't go well together. "Men drink because it's a short-cut to relaxation - but alcohol dampens the libido.

Is your partner cheating on you?

Infidelity seems to have become synonymous with relationships in today's fast paced, urban life. So, if your partner is temperamental, spending Is your partner cheating on you? (Getty images) less time with you, or saying no to sex much too often, there are chances that he/she is having an affair. While accepting this may be easier said than done, but it is certainly better to know the bitter truth than to hurt yourself and regret later. Here are some signs to watch out for... Is he/she distancing himself/herself from you? If there is an uncomfortable distance between both of you and you are clueless as to how to bridge the gap or if your partner has been ignoring you recently, it is likely that he is looking for affection outside your relationship. Sudden changes in his/her behaviour may be the tell tale signs of an affair. Anuradha Taneja (name changed on request), 33, a homemaker confesses, "I have been feeling distanced from my husband in the last few months. He is never interested in listening to me. Whenever I ask him for advice, he asks me to take my own decisions, he keeps himself pre-occupied with work and his friends and it seems as if he is deliberately avoiding me. I am confused and helpless." Tell tale signs: Manmeet Bhalla, a marriage and relationship counselor suggests, "It is normal for stress and work pressures to create conflicts between couples occasionally. However, if it is happening too often, it is important for couples to share their concerns. Communication is the most effective way to bring you closer." Is he/she losing interest in sex? Is he/she temperamental when it comes to getting physically intimate? Does he/she make excuses for not having sex with you? Avoiding intimacy is a sure shot sign to figure out that that your partner is losing interest in you. While it is normal for such incidents to happen occasionally, but if you have been observing these traits much too frequently, there's a possibility that he/she is cheating on you. Devendra Rai (name changed on request), 29, who works with a multinational company in Gurgaon says, "My wife is just not into me from the last few months. Whenever I try to get intimate with her, she either tells me that she is too tired to have sex or is not in the mood. She is irritable and is losing interest in me. I have even tried talking to her about the problem, but she keeps avoiding these conversations." Agreeing with Devendra, Kriti Kapoor (name changed on request), 35, a businesswoman, confesses, "My husband had been losing interest in sex since last few months. Even when I tried to take an initiative, he told me he is not in the mood and avoided me. I recently got to know through a common friend that he has an affair with his college friend who was also his ex girlfriend. I didn't trust my friend until I saw them together at a pub late night where I had gone to attend my friend's party." Tell tale signs: Sunil Garg, an expert on sex-related issues suggests, "It is vital for couples to share their expectations when it comes to physical intimacy. Distancing yourself from each other will only add to the problems. Physical display of affection is important to sustain a relationship." Does he/she argue with you on petty issues? If your partner is irritable or argumentative on petty issues, looks for reasons to Is your partner cheating on you? (Getty images) initiate a heated discussion and never respects your opinion, it may be a sign of trouble brewing in your paradise. Accretion of these signals could point to something more ominous happening in your world. Poonam Biswas (name changed on request), 27, who works with an advertising agency confesses, "My boyfriend has been behaving absurdly in the last few weeks. We just don't seem to agree on anything. He finds faults with everything I say and accuses me of being overtly possessive. I have noted a drastic change in his behaviour suddenly." Tell tale signs: "Mutual trust and understanding is the key to a successful relationship. Suspecting each other puts a serious dent in your relationship and the damages are often irrecoverable. You may not agree on everything, but it is necessary to respect each other's opinions during a conversation," adds Manmeet. What does his body language say? Observing your partner's body language may be an effective way to find out if he is losing interest in you. As the old adage goes, 'Actions speak louder than words'. So, if he/she is just not into you anymore, his/her body language will tell all. Anuj Mittal (name changed on request), 32, who works at a private bank in Delhi says, "My wife and I have recently started arguing more often in the last six months. She comes back late from work and often tells me that she has to go out for dinner with one of her clients. When I tried asking her about her associations, she gets offended and looks nervous, she starts fumbling and walks out of the room. For the next one week, she avoids talking to me. I later read an SMS on her cell phone from her client asking her to meet him for a movie. I just couldn't believe it. She later confessed to me that she was having an affair with him and now wants a divorce from me." Tell tale signs: Savita Mishra, a body language expert explains, "Your body language influences what other people think or feel about you. Say, if you have a habit of touching your nose while having a conversation, it can be perceived as a sign of deception. Not maintaining eye contact, looking away, sweating heavily may also be some signs by which you can identify dishonesty. When people are being dishonest, their gestures and words aren't in sync. If he/she assumes a defensive position or immediately changes the subject, gets up from the chair and suddenly walks out of the room, it may mean that they are lying and are getting defensive." Does he/she compare/criticise you? If your man/woman keeps criticising your appearance, your attire, your behaviour or compares you Is your partner cheating on you? (Getty images) with his/her colleagues or his/her friend's girlfriend/boyfriend, you can assume that he/she is looking for lame excuses to part from you. It may be the right time to tell your partner 'Enough is enough'. Tanvi Mitra (name changed on request), 26, a PR professional agrees, "My hubby has been behaving strangely over the last few months. He has a very close friend at his workplace who is a lady and he always keeps comparing me with her. It annoys me, but whenever I try to explain my feelings to him he gets irritated." Tell tale signs: "Mocking or criticising your partner is equivalent to disrespecting him/her. Even if your relationship is going through a rough patch, it is best to keep yourself from venting out your frustration on each other," says Archana Nanda, a psychologist. Does he/she hide things from you? The easiest way to find out whether or not your partner is having an affair is to keenly observe his behaviour and his belongings. If he/she is too possessive about his/her laptop, leaves the room whenever he/she is on phone or deletes messages from his/her message box and is cautious while checking his E-mails when you are around, there is definitely something that he is hiding from you. Priyanka Ahuja (name changed on request), 33, a homemaker shares, "My husband is very possessive about his mails and cell phone. In fact, I recently came to know that he has another cell phone which I wasn't aware of. Whenever I ask him about his whereabouts, he says, 'I am out for some work'. He also avoids taking my calls. I am feeling insecure and helpless." Tell tale signs: "If you are confused as to whether your suspicions are real or it's just the fear of losing your partner, it is important to be sure before accusing your partner of having an affair. It is also important to weigh your options before causing damage to your relationship," adds Archana. Does he avoid taking you out for parties/dinners? If your partner leaves for work early and comes back late, evades spending time at home, often goes out for business trips or official parties and deliberately avoids taking you along, is reluctant to introduce you to his friends/colleagues or avoids being spotted with you in public places, you are most likely being duped. Yamini Sachdev (name changed on request), 34, who works with an insurance company in Indore says, "My husband never takes me along to his official parties, whereas his colleagues bring along their spouses on some occasions. He keeps talking on the phone for late hours and whenever I ask him, he just says that he is on an official call." "Infidelity can be a painful experience. If either you or your partner have been unfaithful, it would be better to discuss the reasons that caused you to seek love outside your relationship. Finding the causes of the problem may give you a better understanding of the situation. You may also seek professional help if required," suggests Manmeet.

Virginity: A virtue or a curse?

Mansi, a 24-year-old girl on the verge of matrimony is facing a commotion of mixed thoughts. Her nupital excitement is climaxing at two levels. Wedding jitters: OMG! I'm no virgin! (Getty Images) On one hand, while she's awaiting stepping into a realm of new relations, on the other, her 'virginity-status' is adding to her pre wedding jitters. Mansi is getting sleepless nights wondering what if her better half comes to know that she's not a virgin? Will he accept her if she dares to bare the truth? Can she hide it, if she tries? These questions popping into her mind prior to D-Night is adding to her nervous anxiety. However, she's not alone as there are many women on the verge of tying the knot who face the same dilemmas. So, is losing one's virginity before marriage still a big deal? Let's explore... Kalpana Sharma, a Delhi based journalist, heralds the importance of open ended communication, adding that her conjugal relationship only improved after she and her partner chose to candidly share sagas of their steamy pasts with one other. "My guy wasn't a virgin and he revealed this in our first few days of courtship. This gave me the courage to share my own experiences with him and he was equally cool with it. I think as long as the past doesn't affect your present, it's cool." For Rahul Rastogi, a 26- year-old, chartered accountant, revealing one's sexual past is an individual's personal prerogative, which should be respected. "If I were to discover on my first night that my partner is not a virgin, I would take it well, as at least one of us is more experienced," he reveals. Ujjwal Sharma, finds the answer in the changing social trends, when he says, "In today's age, I don't expect my partner to be a virgin as it has become a trend to lose one's virginity even without love." Discarding one's past and cooking up a yummy future is the new relationship mantra amongst newly weds. New age lovers are matured enough to let the bygones be bygones and not allow their past baggage to ruin their future. "When one embarks upon a new journey with their partner, all that should matter is the present and the future," says Arshi Uppal, a PR executive, based in Delhi. "It matters only if you are one. I won't leave my wife for her past, but will definitely make sure she stays loyal with me for the rest of her life," believes Lokesh Verma, a Delhi based tattoo artist. The temptation to take the plunge becomes tough to resist, in a day and age when sex comes naturally in relationships of the heart. And modern day go-getters have no qualms in accepting that their partners may have gone the whole way in their past affairs. But, despite some broad minded couples, there are still those who relate virginity to morality. For them the bond of the unbroken hymen still scores over the bond of love and commitment. But what if you marry one of these? Don't fret! Now, while we're are not talking about a technical 'hymen reconstruction' or innovative ways of faking virginity, rather we are doling out some fun formulas. Try these methods on the first night and your partner will end up thanking you for your valued experience, rather than brooding over Wedding jitters: OMG! I'm no virgin! (Getty Images) your virginity: 1. Load her with gifts: Most men suffer from performance anxiety, added to that is the tension that your wife may understand you are not a virgin. Such thoughts often spoil the magic of the first night together. So indulge your better half as women love gifts. Shower her with the best of picks...right from saucy lingerie to classy jewellery. She'll be so engrossed in adoring her gifts of love that analysing your chastity would be the last thing on her mind. 2. Act like a greenhorn: In Rome, do as the Romans do! And when with a virgin, do as a virgin does. Try not acting like a well rehearsed 'sex-guru' or a 'sex-goddess'. Go slow...you have your entire life to try out those meticulous moves and painful positions. 3. Seduce him to madness: OK...you have been a sex kitten. Use your sexperience now! Seduce him to such an extent that he's just there and wants 'it' and nothing else matters. Be it with your tantalising lingerie or the sexy tattoo you've got etched at a place that's accessible only to him- use your body to your best. 4. Prolong the foreplay: A killer desire to jump into a steamy, hot romp is a clear indication of premature desperation. Resist this temptation and extend the sensuous foreplay. Touch, tickle, tease or taste... do anything to turn on him/her to an extent where the thought of virginity ceases to exist. 5. Get the angles wrong: Yes, as opposed to the general rule of getting all the angles, moves and positions right. Make the wrong moves and motions and she'll know you are an anxious first timer, just like her. Maybe you will discover an altogether new position all by yourselves. The excitement of discovery will make your first night memorable. 6. Get loud: As the popular adage goes, most first timers fear that first time could be quite painful. And pain makes one scream aloud. So, even if it's not your first time, getting your vocal chords active often acts as a pleasure heightener. 7. Put some sense in his mind: If the above mentioned tricks fail to seduce him and he's still banking upon a 'broken-hymen' as the stamp of virginity, gently make him understand that women can lose their hymen for many reasons, without even being touched by a man. A modern man will understand that even swimming breaks the hymen. More than virginity, accepting your partner the way he/she is. And take the wedding night as the beginning to a new journey. So here's to a passage of self discovery.

Oversized? Here's your guide to sexual bliss

Is your potbelly an obstruction during intimate moments with partner? Are thunder thighs causing discomfort in sexual pleasure, keeping you away

There's nothing to feel conscious of your curves between the sheets. (Getty Images)

from a gratifying sex life?

If these worries hound you every time you gear up for a steamy sex session, then refer to our sex guide to help you out!

A recent study revealed that only one third of UK women belonging to size 16 have sex once in a week, compared to their size 8 counter parts who get lucky almost twice. One in every ten obese women reported about not having had sex for a year – because the thought of their partner seeing them naked harassed them mentally.

Though thin women are not always happy with their bodies, but in general they tend to be more confident in bed in comparison to their overweight counterparts, whose bedroom action is almost invaded by 'size' issues. Obesity is something, which your partner might not like, so it's justified for them to lose interest in sex.

Dr. Basheer Ahmad Roy, a Bangalore-based sex specialist states, "High obesity levels surely become a matter of concern that hinders a couple's sexual life. If you're fat, your partner will be less interested because he/she knows that sexual pleasure won't be as desired. At the same time, your physical appearance will make you hesitant and less confident, thus affecting your performance in bed."

If you are beautiful, fit and active you tend to feel confident – with or without clothes. But if you are obese, you remain conscious of your body appearance and fail to concentrate on the sexual act. Stating that it's all in the mind and there's nothing to be ashamed of, marriage and relationship counselor Geetanjali Sharma explains, "Obese people are not able to arouse and satisfy their partners and they get de-motivated in the act. It's the lack of self esteem that holds them back rather than the fact that your partner doesn't like your being fat."

The reasons behind low sex drive have often been linked to obesity. Agreeing to this, Dr Shivi Jaggi, a Delhi-based sexologist says, "Obese men face a reduced blood circulation and this obstructs proper erection. Also, social factors like physical looks, body shape etc., which attribute to your partner's interest in you, further affects your sexual experience."

Moreover, the problem of obesity kills the drive to experimentation in bed using newer techniques and positions. Body weight either makes foreplay tougher or doesn't let your partner enjoy the climax. Elucidating further, Chandigarh-based sex specialist Dr. Deepak Arora shares, "When you stick to the same postures time and again, with no scope of experimentation, boredom is obvious, which gradually mars pleasure, ultimately hitting the couple's sexual life. And with both partners being obese, enjoying the act becomes impossible for both."

Dr. Roy supports, "Sex is all about bodies getting in contact with each other. But when, obesity comes in the way of pleasure and sexual fantasies remain unfulfilled due to weighty issues, problems are ought to arise between a couple. For instance, a man may desire to lift his wife in his arms, but fails due to her excess weight. As for sex positions, obese people fail to innovate, thanks to their body shape and end up banking upon the good old missionary position."

It's time to shed all inhibitions and try these trouble-free tips that help you reinstate that lost

There's nothing to feel conscious of your curves between the sheets. (Getty Images)

bedroom action...

Dress to kill : If the problem with the man is arousal rather than erection, the lady can use her dressing style and sex appeal to add the punch. An element of mystery always excites men. So, so opt for some enticing lingerie and make undressing more pleasurable.

Dr. Shivi Jaggi, supports, "Sexual clothing matters a lot for the partner's arousal. Oversize people are extra careful in their choices and opt for outfits that make them look slimmer. Also, it pays to know your partner's choice and then wear something you know he/she would love to see you in. Women can play around with sexy attires and attractive intimates, so that the anxiety of taking them off, even with a not-so-flattering body disappears."

Take charge : Woo your man with a newfound confidence and forget being an odd lump-bump. Surprise him by initiating the action. Dr. Jaggi elaborates, "Even in a married couple, looks matter and physical appearance, at times, decides the rate of sexual pleasure. Obese women should forget their weighty inhibitions while making love. Don't shy away from being more active, taking charge, making naughty gestures, indulging in erotic fantasies or putting up a saucy strip show. All these acts will enhance your man's interest, hence shifting his focus away from your flabby body."

Dim the lights : There's nothing to feel conscious of your curves between the sheets, but still most obese people get goose bumps at the thought of their partner seeing them naked in loud lighting. Dr. Deepak Arora suggests, "We don't suggest to a couple that they turn the lights completely on or off during a sexual session, but rather create a dim lighting effect. It will not only add to the pleasure, but will also let you enjoy your partner's expressions."

Foreplay is important : Appetisers are always more delicious than the main course and when it comes to sex, foreplay is the main ingredient that can make up a perfect sex session. Be it thin or obese couples, foreplay should be as innovative as possible. "Couples should ideally spend the maximum time in foreplay with both partners participating equally. Good communication between partners becomes extremely crucial if either of the partners is overweight. Talking about weight issues openly helps in knowing your partner's likes and dislikes," suggests Dr. Arora.

Celebrate your curves : Curves can also make you look beautiful and remember that men don't necessarily like a skinny partner in bed. Use that popping flab to arouse your man. Belly dancing can be a really good option and it will also help you shed some calories.

Relationship counselor Geetanjali Sharma agrees, "Any form of dancing excites men and belly dance is one of the most sensuous acts that plus size women can opt for. Remember, men want their women to be active, aroused and free from apprehensions. So as long as you love your body and use it to tease your man, sexual pleasure will surely fall in place."

Be curvy in your thoughts : Let your partner know that all you care about is – 'having a good time in bed'. Don't let the excess flab come in the way of intimacy. Get comfortable in your mind and this will automatically reflect in your performance.

Geetanjali asserts, "Obese individuals are always shy and think about their partner's reactions towards their body, which affects their sexual life drastically. Rather concentrate more on things where you are better, such as being innovative in bed. Instead of focusing on your body, focus on your performance and sexual acts and have a positive mindset."

Is stress corroding your love life?

Whether it is work pressure, conflicts with in-laws or money matters, relationships and stress go hand-in-hand in a contemporary, fast-paced Is today's fast paced lifestyle is making our love life more stressful? (Getty Images) urban life. As deadlines replace conjugal intimacy, monthly budgets get in the way of candle-lit dinners, clash with in-laws leads to arguments with your partner and taking care of children leaves no time for tender moments - is stress corroding your love life? Sometimes, even minor issues can act as stress triggers leaving you irritable, moody and ill-tempered. If such emotions are not kept in check, your relationship may go awry, leaving you isolated and distressed. We bring you the common causes of tension between couples and expert tips to counter them... It's all about the money, honey! Do you know where your partner spends all his money? Is he/she investing enough? Does he/she share financial plans with you? Believe it or not, money is one of the major reason of conflict between couples. Often, if one partner doesn't share his/her expenses and investments, it may result in the other feeling left out and may cause dispute between the two. One partner earning significantly more than the other often results in inferiority complex or jealousy causing stress and creating differences in the relationship. Meenakshi Dayal, 34, a business woman, says, "I always tell my husband how much money I am earning and take all important financial decisions only after consulting him. On the other hand, he never tells me where he is investing his money and suddenly comes and tells me that he is buying a car next week or is planning a holiday. I get really annoyed for being informed at the last minute." Counter tip : Dr. Kiran Bakshi, a marriage and relationship counselor explains, "Money matters are often responsible for disputes in a marriage and if one allows it to take precedence over a relationship, it can get ugly and result in a divorce. So, even if you don't share the minutest details of your expenses or finances with your partner, it is important to keep your spouse in the loop while taking major financial decisions." Jealousy and possessiveness Jealousy is dangerous to a relationship because it wears away the one thing that holds two people together- faith. Does your partner always praise other men/women? Is he/she still in touch with his ex? Feelings of jealousy, possessiveness and insecurity are likely to cause a serious dent in your relationship, causing immense stress and anxiety regarding your partner's loyalty towards you. "My husband always praises his colleagues' wives and never acknowledges me for the things that I do for him. He keeps nagging me all the time and blames me for not being understanding enough. He doesn't allow me to go out with my friends at night, whereas he himself returns home in the wee hours of the morning. We often fight over these issues and there's nothing left in our relationship," whines Ankita (name changed on request), who works with a telecom company in Hyderabad. Counter tip : "Trust is crucial for a loving and lasting relationship. So, if you tell your wife, 'I don't want you to go out with your male colleagues,' it means you don't trust your wife enough. It is not just important to have faith in your partner, but also in your relationship," adds Dr. Kiran.